Hallelujah and fry me some bacon, gals! I just finished my final projects for my 2 university classes this past Friday and I feel like I’m approximately 0.00000000009% dumber than I was 3-1/2 months ago at the beginning of the semester. I say dumber, but I really meant smarter minus the smart part. So, basically “er”… I’m “er.” I guess this would be as good a time as any to dole out my knowledge gained during the past 3-1/2 months. So, take notes… or not… I never did.
- Did you know that the nonexistent alien beings do not technically have a food web… because they don’t exist? I didn’t.
- I learned that the definition of the word “folklore” cannot be defined in less than approximately 85 pages, single spaced in size 6 font.
- I learned that it is nearly impossible for me to read through a whole chapter in a science textbook without falling asleep at least once every page.
- I learned that the scientific mind really enjoys stats… and graphs that don’t make sense… like a lot! In other news… snooooorrrrreeeee!? Maybe I didn’t care because I was literally too dumb to figure out how to read 75% of said graphs.
- I learned that my family has literally all turned out exactly like my grandmother. And that’s not a bad thing… except for brown purse bananas… and an obsession with the Publisher’s Clearinghouse.
- I learned that tests aren’t my forte… especially timed tests… because I find I take my sweet time on the first 25 questions and then find myself with 3 minutes to finish the last 50 questions. Bad odds there… unless I could channel Rain Man.
- I learned that my physical science professor’s favorite movie is Jurrasic Park… after which he proceeded to show a clip from that movie at least once every lecture.
- I learned that all my childhood years of singing grotesque made-up songs about the school burning down is totes folklore and thus, I was totes a normal child singing the made-up, cringe-worthy “Joy To the World the school burned down” lyrics.
- I learned that it is possible to write up a 15-page essay about one subject… especially when you fill in the middle parts with dialogue from TV shows.
That about sums it up… or it’s no wonder I’m 0.0000009% “er.” You would be too!
So, I feel like they invented this thinger so that the next time Hostess goes out of business, the phat folk of the world will have a backup. Meanwhile, no I did not buy this…
PS - RIP George Jefferson, the feral cat. I have fed George, he who lived underneath my deck and meowed out to meet me every time I came home but would not let me pet him, for YEARS now. He’s always been under foot. I’m guessing he’s passed away since I haven’t seen him for the past 5 days and the food I’ve left out has gone uneaten. I guess I am glad he doesn’t have to endure another frigid Cache Valley winter outside, but I’ll still miss the little critter.
That’s good ole’ George in the background. Sweet dreams, buddy.