Getting It Down In Writing…

This blog of ramblings has really run the gamut of purposes… psychotic therapy… public humiliation… show-and-tell-the-stranger… but there’s always been at least one theme (besides the public humiliation one) and that is a sort of journal of my life.  So one day 800 years from now, they can dig up my writings from the computer graveyard and be like… what in the world is she fligflabbing talking about!?  I know my one (and maybe only) forray into theater was a few weeks ago, but I still needed to write about it before the “memory fades” and all I remember is that I almost fainted 5 billion times…. accurate number by the way.

I can’t remember anything… THE END.  (There’s an out for all of you who could give a rat’s patookus… see how generous I am?)

I had never heard of The Garden before I auditioned… and at the actual callback audition they had me sight read through the main solo I had… and I ain’t gonna lie… I didn’t like it.  The song, I mean (sight reading as well but that’s besides the point).  I thought the melody was ugly.  I kept an open mind, though, went home and downloaded the soundtrack off of iTunes because everything is better when you get orchestral background and a chic who actually knows how it should sound to sing it.  Problem was… after listening to the original recording (which you can listen to here on YouTube), I still wasn’t impressed.  Blugh.  That is such a bummer… because to sing a song that you don’t like is hard… it usually sounds like you’re singing a song that you don’t like.   Novel, right!?   So, I listened to it on a neverending loop of psychotic and each time I disliked it even more than the time before.  It’s kind of like that annoying Call Me Maybe song that I hated from the get go but that didn’t stop it from coming on the radio every time I turned it on… sort of.

When I was a teeny bopper and I was taking vocal lessons, my teacher once told me that no matter how many mistakes you make in a song, as long as you’re singing it with sincerity and emotion, no one will care about anything else.  That’s always stayed with me… emotion is key.  Let’s be honest… I don’t have the best voice in the world… my high note range is null and void… when I’m nervous my vibrato can get really machine gunny… etc., etc., etc.  The one thing I have vocally that not everyone else has is the ability to inject emotion into what I’m singing.  That’s when it hit me… the key to getting to like this song is to attach myself to the story of this old and barren olive tree.  I learned I had a lot in common with her.  The main solo is called What Good Will I Ever Be?  Pretty sure you can find that phrase in every journal entry from age 12 to 18.

The Olive Tree is meant to be an allegorical figure and on the surface, the most obvious symbol is that she’s a woman who is having a hard time bearing children.  I have thought that children are one of the things I will miss out on in my life… and sometimes that has made me sad.  I have been taught all through my life in church that the reason we are here on this earth is to have children and make families… What good will I ever be there?

Another thing this barren olive tree could represent is a person with depression, down on themselves, and longing for the glimpse of light and love that will take them out of the depths of despair.  Been there too.  As I was pondering the words and applying them to all different aspects of my life, I realized… I have been the olive tree.  This song is a plea that should be so familiar to me… and I grew to like the song because it was a way for me to express my own feelings through this character.  I should note that on initial listening to the music, this was the only song I disliked… the other songs I loved.  Maybe subconsciously it hit too close to home?

I didn’t mean to delve this far into the depressive side of things… but my fingers went there and I usually obey.  I was going to make this all light and airy… like the pre-show ritual every night included chanting the words to the songs aka a satanic cult, then praying the cult away, after which I hyperventilated into my shirt, fastened my glasses to my bra strap (they told me the spotlight glared off of them too much), hyperventilated some more, and then mocked throwing up whilst practicing faux Yoga moves.  I recommend it all… totes a great ritual.

All in all, twas a great experience for me to get me out of my comfort zone, to meet some uber fun and talented people, and to learn that despite almost fainting 5 billion times, I was able to stay upright… and I consider that there thing a success!

Question of the Day:  What do you first gravitate toward in a song (i.e., words, melody, beat, voice, etc.)?  

PS – Some of my family far far away on Judea’s Plains wanted the recording of me singing, so I bootlegged a copy and have uploaded it to YouTube at an unlisted address.  The reason it’s unlisted is for copyright purposes… and I don’t need some random person watching the lump in the background.  If you’d be interested in hearing it (the recording is not the greatest), either leave your email address in the comments or send me an email at whitney78@gmail.com and I will be happy to send you the links.  Otherwise, consider yourself saved!

PPS – Thoughts and prayers and comforting vibes sent to all the people who have been suffering unbelievable tragedies this week.  Boston… Texas… stay strong and know that this Utah chic has been thinking of you often.

I snapped a picture of the stage on the last night… this is the view from the Ram in the thicket’s space.  That there big tree in the back was the olive tree I sat next to…

 

 

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Meat Me In The Parking Lot…

No, I didn’t misspell that first word, you English majors with a stick up your vocabulary… it is referring to the fleshy creatures one slaps on the barbecue with a side of horseradish… which incidentally does NOT come from a horse… thank you very much, Burger King!  The kind of meat of which I have not sampled for 4+ years as one of those really annoying vegetarian people… which I really regret telling anyone because you know how people are… when they think vegetarian, they think really healthy skinny waif of a creature… not some lumbering rhino in a pink tutu.  Give it up… all vegetarians ain’t Twiggy… and all meat eaters ain’t Fat Albert… it’s the way of the world.  I like to think of it as me bucking the system… take that ye who judge on outward appearance!

That paragraph made sense only 1/3 of the time and I’m only working on 1/3 attention span right now, so you’ll have to forgive my ramblings.  Back to the topic.  Saturday, Madre was heading up Salt Lake City way to take Lindsay to a cooking class at Orson Gygi.  Something about a belated birthday present.  I, of course, said I didn’t want to attend the cooking class only for the reason that it’s hard to get out of sampling all the meat dishes.  I decided very last minute that I’d ride down anyway and sit in the car in the parking lot for 3+ hours reading my Biology textbook and memorizing words for The Garden.  Quality time spent… some creepy chic wearing a Snuggie sitting in the parking lot.  I thought it would be good motivation for me to get those things the crap done… because there was nothing else to take my attention away (coughcough… besides the half hour nap I snuck in coughcough)!   Turns out there are other things to do in a parking lot full of people coming and leaving… I watched a lady picking a wedgie for 15 good minutes of non-quality entertainment.  I also got to experience a nasty overflowed toilet when I thought I should use the public restroom, but upon entering and seeing the floor full of water, I decided I could hold it for 2 more hours… UTI here I come!   It’s a wonder I even had time to crack open the textbook!

When the madre and sister were done, we had to stop by Ruby Snap Gourmet Cookies… holy cowfriends those things are good!  They were giving out samples of some new kind of cookie… described to me as a maple chocolate chip cookie… safe, right?  I bit into it and got a cookie full of bacon!  The HORRORS!!!!  :P  How mature is it to spit out a mouthfull of food?  Because I’m thinking it’s at least 30-something-year-old mature… correct?  Nothing against flabby pig flesh, but I so wasn’t ready to partake in the bacon flavoring… especially next to a chocolate chip… that’s just blasphemous right there!  My favorite of the cookies I tried was a cookie called The Lilly… a lemon cookie with lemonheads and lemon glaze… she’s so silly!  Or there was this cherry one that was fan-freaking-tabulous!  Calorizers of the world, unite!  :P  NOT!

Lessons learned… next time wear blindfolds in the parking lot for 3 hours, bring a catheter, and never trust a maple cookie!  I think that was a day full of accomplishments if you ask me… and nobody did but I’m telling you anyway!

Question of the Day:  What’s your favorite cookie flavor?  What’s the weirdest food you’ve had containing bacon?  

 

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See Ya’ Comfort Zone…

NOTE:  To clarify, the production is just a LOCAL production with local players.  I don’t think I voiced that very well in the following entry.

Well, wrap me in a rotted carcass and call me swamp thing… I just noticed the deodorant I’ve been using for the last 2 weeks (supposedly a BRAND NEW bottle of deodorant) expired in September 2010!!  What’s 2-1/2 years when it comes to smelling rosy?  I’m suing the store that sold it to me… first of all… second of all… y’all who passed my house the last 2 weeks and smelt that stench… Bambi called and wants his mom back!  Oooo… was that mean… I’m sorry… too soon?

In other less smelly news… comfort zones… I live by mine.  I take up residence on a decadely basis and during that time I mostly do nothing that would require me to stretch the levels of my comfort.  That’s how it usually goes…

A few weeks back I got a letter from a sweet lady who lives in my city.  It was handwritten and basically told me about the auditions for this production of one of Michael McLean’s oratorios called, The Garden and that I needed to go and audition.  My first reaction was LOL…. literally, and then the 2nd reaction:  HELL NO!!!  Firstly, I had never heard of The Garden and so assumed it was a play… Whitney can’t act… unless she’s acting lame at calorizing.  I got the letter on a Sunday.  Auditions were being held two days away on a Tuesday and Wednesday night.  I barely thought about it Sunday night… my mind was made up… it was a no!  Monday was more of the same.  Tuesday came and went and I did not magically appear at the auditions that night.  Wednesday… the final night of auditions… my answer was still no.  I went to dinner with some friends that evening where I didn’t mention one word about it.  When I got home at around 7:00 I had a Facebook message from another sweet friend, asking me if I was going to make it to the auditions.  I don’t know what hit me… something like a sudden sense of courage sprouting from my hanged toenail, but 5 minutes later I was in the car driving with last-minute Madre, the accompianist.  It was cold and dark when we arrived at the audition place.  The wind was blowing hard, it was probably about 5 degrees, and no lights were on in the building.  We tried both front doors, but they were locked.  Back in the car, my first thought was just to go back home and forget about it, but Madre insisted on driving around to the back and blast that she did, we found an open door with a line up of people inside it.  Dagblast it, Madre!

I had spent approximately ZERO time preparing a song, A.) because I wasn’t going to do it… and 2.) I WASN’T GOING TO DO IT!  My last second selection, Oh Holy Night… in February… you are welcome!  I managed to get through the song in one piece.  I always find it wayyyyyyyy more intimidating singing to a small group rather than a large one.  I don’t know why… maybe it’s because in a larger group I can blend in with the crowd when it’s over.  With a small group, when you suck it up… they’re going to know it’s you.  At the end of the audition, I got a callback and was asked to sing part of one of the songs from the oratorio, which I had never in my life heard before and so did pretty much horribly on… I suck at sight reading.  Give me time to practice and I can get it down to a science… but sight reading is like if a cat done got their tail cut off by a weed whacker.

I went home that night glad that I had braved it up and went… but pretty confident that I would not be getting any parts… chalk another one up to “the experience.”  It was an honor being nominated… blah, blah, blah.  Fast forward to a week later and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but 8 tiny reindeers bearing the following message:

If that ain’t my name next to the Olive Tree part than I’ll eat my expired deodorant!  I had to look approximately 18 times to make sure I was reading it right.  And in case you were wondering… my official role title… the OLD BARREN OLIVE TREE.  Bring on the jokes, y’all.  I guess it makes sense… I do like olives… trees are pretty awesome… and oh, I’m also quite old and barren… might be a match made in jokeville!

The comfort zone has been smashed!  Bring it on!  Moral of the Story:  Shut up and just do it, okay?  You hear me?  All of you all out there… SHUT UP… DO IT!  End of story!  Also, thank you to the folk (who don’t read this blog but they know who they are) who pushed me to try out.  You all knew what I needed somehow.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Are you a regular comfort zone basher or do you love the walls of your zone?  What’s the last thing you did to break through the zone?  

PS- For those who were like me and had never heard of Michael McLean’s The Garden, it’s basically an oratorio (solos and an ensemble) that tells the story of the Garden of Gethsemane through the eyes of some of it’s contents (i.e., olive tree, seedling, ram in a thicket, and millstone).  Of course those are all symbolic and it does a good job of making us think in terms of our own lives.  I’ve been listening to the CD the last few days and it is a beautiful production.  Perfect for the Easter season coming up.

This is an old picture… I have taken zero pictures since December of this year.  There is nothing to take a picture of because the inversion lives here permanently.

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Belly Laughs…

This past Thursday, Madre and I went to a comedian at the Ellen Eccles Theater.  Brian Regan… is totes hilarious, like for real!  The good thing about Brian is that he’s clean.  No inappropriateness or excessive swearing or things that you wouldn’t want your kids to hear… and he still manages to be the funniest thing on a cracker!  It’s the combination of his nerdy mannerisms and his acting out of his jokes and his delivery that get you.  If I had a GU problem, I’d best be wearing Depends at his concert, but since I don’t, I’ll spare you the details.  He came a couple of years ago to the little town of Logan as well and I went then too.  It’s a good thing to have a belly laugh every once in a while and Brian certainly delivered that… I burned approximately 3 million calories in those 2 hours!

This video wasn’t from the concert that I went to, but same bit he did at ours… his bit on toasting Poptarts!  Check it out and laugh… or else!

Question of the Day:  Have you seen Brian Regan Live?  Favorite jokes?  Who is your favorite funny man/woman?

Festive decorations…

This would be his Christmas joke portion (I took the video even though they told me not to!) where he’s describing putting lights on the Christmas tree.

And if you’re needing to waste more time in your day… his section about eating healthy, etc.

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History 1010…

I ventured to the movie, Lincoln a couple of Fridays ago.  Lincoln is pretty much the only president that both parties like these days… that’s why I could stomach a political movie.  That, and the fact that he was instrumental in abolishing slavery… which was always the lamest, most preposterous idea in the history of the United States.  To make it clear since sentence structure was never my strong point, slavery was the most preposterous idea, not abolishing it.  I’m just sad it took so long to happen.

Lincoln has all sorts of Oscar buzz surrounding it.  I’m not exactly sure what buzz is… like a bee stuck in Mrs. Lincoln’s bonnet?  But if they mean talk about acting and awards and such, I’d have to agree.  Daniel Day Lewis plays Abraham Lincoln and not that I’ve ever met or seen the actual Lincoln in person, but I pretty much thought they had movie cameras back in the 1800s to capture the actual happenings… the earliest reality show?  Kind of like Jersey Shore, except with Abe.

In case you couldn’t tell, Honest Abe on the left, Daniel Day Lewis as Abe on the right… dead ringer… am I right!?

My only issue was recognizing all of the players.  I pretty much only know about Abe and his wife, Mary… but then there were like 8000000000000 other people roaming around playing important roles in getting the bill to pass by bribing people for their votes with the promise of jobs.  To think anyone had to bribe someone to have common sense and not be a jerkazoid is beyond me… but I guess even today we have a plethora of jerkazoids roaming the streets of town.  Can’t escape a good ole fashioned idiot party!

I’d give the movie 2 thumbs up… and a knee or two.  In hindsight, it would have been beneficial to have brushed up on my history so I knew the other guys in the movie, but I suppose that didn’t diminish the storyline any.

Question of the Day:  Have you seen Lincoln?  Thoughts?  

Happy Weekend!!  Stay strong FatMas peeps… I’m saying that to myself more than any of y’all!

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Schmappetizers and Sides, Oh My!

I’m totally pumped that so many people signed up for the Operation:  No More FatMas gig!  Let’s get this thang, motivated people!  Y’all rock it!  One of my pals brought up something in the comments and I thought I’d throw it out there.  She thought it would be cool to sweeten the pot if anyone who was able wanted to throw in 10 bucks to the prize.  I am NOT making this a requirement because I know not everyone is able.  If you have the money and want to throw some in, holler my way.  If not, we will carry on as usual!  No guilt!

***

Back when I had extra TV watching time (since school started I’ve scaled it back DRAMASTICALLY) I used to sit for decades on end watching cooking shows on the Food Network/Cooking Channel.  The things fascinate me.  It doesn’t matter what they’re making either.  Some chic was making haggis one time and I was all mesmerized by a sheep intestine!  I think it’s because it’s soothing to me.  Someone talking about food and how to cook it for half an hour in a hypnotic tone of voice?  YES, PLEASE!  But, let’s face it… it’s food… I once weighed 530 pounds… basically put a Twinkie on a string and dangle it in front of me for 8 hours and I’d be in full droolation mode!

So, when I have opportunity to go to a live cooking class with taste testing, I’d be a crazy jackalope to say no!  Last week, Madre and I headed to Kitchen Kneads to attend their Holiday Appetizers and Sides class!  I was unable to secure an edge seat, so I was claustrophobic the whole class, but I still enjoyed myself.  Even when I was monitoring how many times the 3 ladies teaching the class did NOT wash their hands after manhandling the food.  Of course, I’m not your best handwashing judge since I happen to wash my hands with soap after pretty much anything I touch.  It’s tedious and gives my hands that pleasant roughened, flaking leather feel, but that’s how I have to roll up here in the Psychos For Germs ward.  For the record, these chics never used soap once… not that I was counting or anything!

I didn’t get to taste test all of the recipes they made because some of them contained meat… bitter that she made a beautiful-looking salad with strawberries and craisins and sweet and spicy almonds and all sorts of yumminess and then she poured 2 pounds of bacon on top of it.  THE NERVE!!  I even, for the first time in my entire lifetime, actually enjoyed a yam… maybe because it was mixed with apples and covered in a sugary butter sauce… but STILL!  That there is progress… 7-year-old taste buds… at LEAST!

There was a delectable-looking cheese ball and a yummeriferous fruit salsa with homemade baked cinnamon/sugar tortilla chips.  There was a surprisingly yummy crustini with pears and stinky cheese and pine nuts on the top.  One of the ladies also gave a great tip on how to make your cheese ball look like a frigging turkey for the festiveness factor.  Take a slice of red pepper (for the head), secure a slice of yellow pepper for the gobbler, and then make eyes out of raisins.  The feathers are various-shaped crackers poked into the back of the rounded cheese ball.  I’d have gotten pictures, but I was too embarrassed… let me get a picture of you for my wall of creepy, lady!  

I’m thinking I’m going to up and make some of the above-mentioned recipes for meal plans throughout the holee-day season.

Question of the Day:  Do you enjoy cooking demonstrations?  Any favorites on the Food Network?  How did you do on Day 1 of the Operation?

PS- Y’all… I don’t even care who wins the election tonight… by this time tomorrow, please no one tell me they’re thinking about moving to Canada… for serious… that joke went out back when Abe Lincoln got elected!  :P  Also, I am going to be so dagnabbed happy when I never in my lifetime have to see another political backstabbing ad… PUH-LEASE… what are we… kindergartners?  Someone done peed in your sandbox?  I hate all this contention… I need someone to hold hands with me and sing Kumbaya!

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Happy Pumpkin Ween…

We have this annual tradition in the valley… every October we have what’s called the Pumpkin Walk.  A bunch of uber talented valley folk (what up all my favorite North Logan Pumpkin Walk Doers) make scenes using pumpkins and gourds, oh my!  This year’s theme was about games… whether it be board games or games in movies… just games.  Soooooooo many clever scenes up in that joint.  You’re usually supposed to attend at night when it’s dark because it’s totes about the ambience… scary boo boo!  I didn’t have a night, so went on a Saturday afternoon a couple of weeks ago instead.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Awwwww… the giraffe from Madagascar.  Super clever set up, right?

Look y’all!  An exact replica of Whitney!!  Or the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory… fine!

Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with a Knife anyone?

LOL!  Has anyone ever seen that really quality show on ABC where idiot people run around a course getting thrown around and whapped in the head by swinging objects?  Wipeout!

This was by far one of the more impressive ones (great job MarLyn, Holly, et al.) because it encapsulated like 4 different scenes from the movie, Hunger Games.  Pictured is just one scene… it went on and on and on!

 This one just made me get all girly and squealy!  Super duper ca-ute, right!?

As did this one… all the seasons… see the super clever Christmas Tree in the back… and that turkey and scarecrow and snowman!

Alice In Wonderland!

 

Read the first picture and then look at the second one… it’s called Puppy’s Payback aka Revenge of the Dog!

Frankly, I could go on and on and on.  There were many more I took pictures of, but I’ll stop here!  You said it!

Question of the Day:  Do you carve/decorate pumpkins for Halloween?  If so, what did make this year?  Also, if you dressed up, what are you for Halloween today?  

 

 

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Accentuate the Positive…

Whenever a birthday rolls around, I usually get to picking myself apart… kind of an assessment of the past year.  I’m also a sarcastic bugger.  If you regularly read these here ramblings (WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?) you may have figured that out.  Sarcasm is my survival skill… and often sarcasm can come off as bitter and negative and depressing in the wrong tone of voice/mood/attitude.  I’m also really good at self-deprecation.  It’s a habit I’ve had since I was a teenager.  No one can ever think that I think I like myself… EVER!  Because… just looking at me they can already see approximately 53324244342423 things wrong with me… and that’s just my front side.

My annual birthday assessments usually turn into a long laundry list of the things I did wrong… and then that turns into the thought that I’m pathetic… and then that usually turns into an eating smorgasboard of stoo-pid!   I think too much.  I harp on every little thing I do wrong until it makes me feel loserish.  For example… this past weekend I carried the work pager.  I got a call from a doctor who woke me out of my sleep, so my brain was already confused.  I lost train of thought a lot and stumbled over words during that 2-minute conversation… and I’m still beating myself up for it.  EMBARRASSING!  When the memory crops up in my brain, I usually have to yell, OH MY LAWS!!  Or D’OH!!!!   That’ll teach me to ever be brainless!

The positive things have to outweigh the negative things… for one thing… I’m still alive!  That’s pretty much worth passing the GO spot on the Monopoly board.  Those positives get lost in my constant beratings… and that’s just sad.  So what I haven’t lost a pound and just maintained weight within a 5- to 10-pound radius over the last year?  Sure that sucks, but I should also know that it takes work to maintain weight.  I could have gained the regular 30 pounds per year that most folk put on… but I was still conscientious.  The healthy lifestyle was never far from my mindset… I just didn’t always accomplish it.

Let’s look at what else I did right for a change.  After 12 years of saying I was going to go back to school… I did it.  This was the year I turned that stagnant to-do list item into a reality.  And in the meantime, I had to adjust to a new normal and that adjustment period did not go so smoothly, but I will figure this out… and pretty soon I’ll be back to losing… because that’s the game of life.  It’s dips and dives and roller coasters so freaktastic it puts Lady Gaga’s costume closet to shame.  I just had to go back through the last 2 paragraphs and trade out the word “you” for “I.”  Somehow it always makes it less that I’m trying to compliment myself like an arrogant jerkface when I refer to myself in the 2nd person.  Because “YOU” could mean any one person.  Nope… no more… moving on to Egotistical-ville!

When we were in St. George a few weeks back, Lindsay found this sign in one of the gift shops (I know… can you believe she went shopping… that almost never happens… in prison!)  I liked it, so I took a picture of it.  It really does apply to my self-deprecation situation   Quit thinking about what other people think of you.  Eight times out of ten, they don’t even remember the times you made a fool of yourself… and those two who do… eh, forget ‘em!

Question of the Day:  Do you find yourself self-deprecating?  

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Carrie Underwear…

Suck it… I’m 12.  I call her Carrie Underwear because then I can giggle like a 12-year-old at a Bieber Fever concert!   She said underwear!!  Tee hee hee… hee hee hee hee hee…  I had almost forgotten that I’d purchased Carrie Underwood tickets many moons and eons ago.  It’s nice having little surprises of your former life of not feeling as cash-strapped (but still cash-strapped… let’s face it).  The concert was this past Wednesday in West Valley City… The Maverik Center!  Woot!  Adventure’s first stop!  

We had 19th row on the floor… which was cool and all, except dances-like-a-freakzoid chic and personal-bubbles-are-not-in-my-vocabulary chic also had a seat on the 19th row.  It wouldn’t have been a problem if Madre had just embraced the backpack in her lap instead of rolling her eyes back into her skull-ium every 5 seconds when personal-bubbles-are-not-in-my-vocabulary chic sat it on her lap!  Seriously, Madre… here’s my briefcase I brought to a concert… would you mind holding it!

The opening act?  Hunter Hayes… the 17-year-old wonder child of talent.  He had more talent in one of his hair follicles than I do in my whole dagnabbed fat flab!  I think he plays every instrument known to man and boy can sing!  Ironically, I saw him on one of the late night talk shows about 10 years ago before he was ever known to anyone.  He was like 5 years old and was singing and playing the accordion like a pro!  Imagine my non-surprise when 10+ years later he popped up as a legitimate country singing superstar!  The girls in the audience (at least those 18 years old and under) were having a swoon par-tay.  I would have joined in, except then I’d been arrested for being a disgusting old woman at a Bieber Fever concert!

To hear an excerpt of my favorite Hunter song, Wanted… check out a recording I made… legitimately creepy old woman sauce!!

After Hunter’s set, they had an intermission while they reset up the stage for Carrie and personal-space-bubble chic took off her shirt and reapplied same shirt like it was a dressing room at Walrus Land.  Thankfully, she was wearing a tank top under… that would have just been awkward!

Carrie is legitimately classy fabulous… plus she had like 4 million costume changes (OFF STAGE PERSONAL BUBBLE SPACE CHIC), each outfit containing more sequins per square inch than Dolly Parton’s closet at Dollywood.  I’ve been to my fair share of country concerts… most of the folk (especially the men) come out dressed in a ratty old T-shirt they probably slept in the night before and holey jeans that were washed last May.  Carrie brought out the prom, yo!

I’ve mentioned this before on this blog.  But there are 3 different kinds of musical artists out there… there’s your dances-better-than he/she-sings artist, there’s your singer, and then there’s your SANGER (aka SANGS the patookus off of everything)!  Carrie is definitely a SANGER!!  And generally, I only sprout out the money to go to concerts for SANGERS!  Not that the other 2 categories don’t have good musicians/entertainment, it’s just that concerts are expensive and I have to pick my SANGING dance card.  I appreciate a great, great voice!   And it amazes me that she has such a powerful voice, having to sing at top form every night for like 2 hours… my voice would be SHOT!  I’d sound like a smoker hacking up a lung for 2 months straight after one night of that level of sanging!

I had to post this picture because of the background.  Carrie is a vegetarian (she may be a vegan), you go girl and your veggie burger sign!  I see it!  Ironically, when this came up there were several chics in the row in front of us eating cow hyde burgers… Carrie was all like… come to my place!

This was one of the cooler parts of the concert.  Carrie and 3 of her band members were on this levitating stage that traveled the length of the hockey arena.  Of course, we are gloom and doomers and Madre was sure the cables would break and we’d have a mass death on our hands!  At one point they threw out giant bouncy beach balls into the audience and then confetti rained from the ceiling… PAR-TAY!  It goes to show you how uptight I am when my first thought was… I’m glad I don’t have to clean up this mess!   I took the following video of the beach balls, the confetti, and Madre looking like she was having a blast of a time… in prison!

Super fun concert, SANGER Carrie!   Nice to meet you personal-bubble-space chic… NOT!!!  Next time we’ll put you in a sound proof booth with a hook for your backpack/brief case!

If you’re interested… here are a few excerpts I videoed from the concert!

Jesus Take the Wheel

I Told You So

And the following, Blown Away… complete with actual tornado action!

Question of the Day:  Are you a Carrie Underwear fan?  Favorite song?  

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Can I Live In Your Garage?

Not to brag or anything, but I’ve always had an excellent imagination.  I’d get lost in it as a youngster… better than getting lost in the idiots who used to make fun of me on the playground.  I could be sitting in a boring class, but in my mind I was living in some mansion with dudes named Sven as bodyguards and an all-you-can-eat Fruit Loop bar.  Sue me… I wasn’t allowed to have sugar cereal as a youngster.  I always dreamed about Fruit Loops!

I brought out my imagination again these past 2 weekends whilst attending the home show in the valley.  Ten beautiful new homes, decorated to the hilt.

This girl can’t afford one, but she can pretend she already lives in the garage of one!  There were some “affordable” ones this year… and by affordable I mean affordable by someone who isn’t me… and only a couple of really over-the-top million dollar places.  A few pictures I took of the houses, follow:

I’m going to need some volunteers to come and help me steal this room please!!  All my favorite colors and butterfly pictures on the wall… consider me 6!

Madre especially liked this decoration.  She is a HUGE clock fan.  I thought it was okay until I thought of how insane all the ticking would make me!  This particular house was HUGE… one of the million-dollar homes and it had clocks everywhere!  They like to know what time it is.  For certain!

Oh, you know… just a regular day in my imaginative life… taking a bath whilst watching the football game!  They probably have raisin fingers at this house.

Earth to Lindsay… these 3 were the inside of the George Jetson Modern Home… all of their doors were like this… sliding hinge thing instead of swinging open.

These were on the kitchen counter at one house.  Plastic apples and oranges are so 2011… bring on the plastic cinnamon rolls, caramel apples, donuts, and brownies!  I would be craving these things day in and day out if I lived in Diabetic Coma Plasticville!

I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say this may or may not have been what happened to the poor zebra at the petting zoo.  Officers, I have your culprit!

Question of the Day:  Have you ever imagined your dream home?  What’s the one thing you want in it that you don’t have now?  

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