Summertime Refreshers…

It’s a miracle I’m still alive after having become an unmasterful chef… I’ve managed to slice, dice, burn, poison, trip, drop, kick, cuss, and smack my way through at least 8 of my lives.  If I was a cat I’d only have one life left.  The latest (aside from the chili versus cayenne kerfuffle) was using rotted flour that expired in the year 2005.  I just found it down in the “fruit” room and used it, which is SO unlike me because I swear they could make me the expiration date pol-eese and I could manage to put everyone in the world in expiration date prison.  I’m super strict about that.  Instead I insisted on making homemade low-fat/low-sodium tortillas Sunday evening with rotted flour and didn’t discover (even though it smelled to high heaven) that it was rotted until after I’d eaten half a tortilla… the whole time wondering why it tasted like the bottom of my feet after skimming cheese curds all day.  I’m having convulsions thinking about it!!  Despite all the idiotic things I’ve done, I have had more successes in the kitchen than failures (maybe it’s actually 50/50 or more like 40/60 or… it depends on the week!)  I find it kind of an adventure/challenge to take a recipe and calorize it up to fit my calorie needs.  Now, I ain’t saying anyone would want to eat most of the creations I’ve made… I’m just saying it’s been an adventure!

The latest favorite is not really a “meal,” but a low-calorie/no-sugar summer time refreshment.  I was hot as HADES the other day.  I’d spent the afternoon wearing all black, traipsing up and down the streets in the middle of the afternoon…  When I got home, I wanted a daquiri… and stat.  A.)  I don’t drink… and 2.) a regular virgin daquiri would have been 3 billion calories of sugar… not in my calorizing wheel house at that particular time.  Instead, I found this recipe on Pinterest… Haterz gonna Hate!

- One single pack of Crystal Light (made up as package suggests).  The recipe called for Raspberry Lemonade, but I didn’t have that flavor so made due with Pink Lemonade… I think it actually would have tasted better with raspberry lemonade.

- 2 cups of ice

- 1 cup of frozen raspberries

Get you a blender, throw in the ice and the raspberries and the crystal light mixed with water last.  Blend…

Ta da…  Instant heat relief!!!  This recipe makes like 3 to 4 good-sized servings and the only calories are what’s in the raspberries.  Totally going to make this again next heat stroke.  I think you could probably do this with pretty much any kind of frozen fruit… totes going to have to experiment.  Bottoms up, my pals!  Have a great weekend!  Stay safe in the kitchen!

Question of the Day:  What is your favorite frozen treat?  

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Please Tell Me It’s Powdered Sugar… I’m Begging You!

Here I am, friends… prepared to moan and groan about things that don’t matter a wit when compared to all of the other worldly problems.  That’s my nature.  Please engrave “Bellyacher” somewheres on my gravestone family… and while you’re at it I’d like a good selection of my doilies sewn to my dress.

I woke up this morning, freezing my hindquarters off (oh man I wish… wouldn’t that be an awesome weight loss plan… freezing one’s hindquarters off… let’s work on the bane of my existence cold weather), only to look out the window and see this:

Can you see it!?!?!?!  No?  Let’s zoom in for good ole’fashioned kicks and giggles, then…

I’m imagining that’s a gigantic muffin and on top of that muffin, the baker has just strewn a slew of powdered sugar across it.  Whitney done needs to get her fork and take a bite.  TELL ME IT’S POWDERED SUGAR!!  The 4-letter S word will NOT cross my lips (or my typing fingers for that matter)… WILL NOT… you hear me, Snow!? DAGBLASTIT!   Screwed that 4-letter word up already!   I would just like to remind the universe that it was only October 6th today… you need to at least give me the month of October… then it is free reign on the swear words!

Meanwhile… back to the less bellyachey world (oh… who am I kidding… I’ll still be bellyaching… I ain’t worked all these years to grow this here belly just to let it get free rent… the lease is up, honey!)  This week’s cooking adventures came with 1 success and 1 failure.  The failure was the biggest bummer in the universe because it was my first crockpot recipe and I was totally anticipating eating it all dang day.  It only had to cook for 8-1/2 hours… that’s a long time to anticipate!  Mediterranean Casserole… you are OUTTA here!  Ick, ick ick.  It looked good from the sounds of it… carrots and onions and green beans and kidney beans and tomatoes and macaroni… kind of like a minestrone sort of recipe.  Something about it tasted really off to me, though and I won’t be looking forward to eating the leftovers tomorrow.  I even made Madre taste it and she agreed it wasn’t the best (so it’s not just me)!  I didn’t even bother to take a picture of that nastiness.

The success was something called Scandinavian Vegetable Stew.  It’s been wintery cold here this week, thus the stew and casserole resurgence.   This recipe had a full 2 cups of milk in it for the sauce… wasn’t sure how that was going to work with my lactose intolerance, but for some reason if you thicken the stuff up and stick veggies with it… it works.  Can’t drink milk plain or eat it in cereal or oatmeal or yogurt but disguise it and it’s a go… the weirdest intolerance ever!

Scandinavian Vegetable Stew
Serves 4

8 to 10 small red potatoes cut into fourths (3 cups)
2 cups fresh or frozen baby cut carrots
3 Tablespoons margarine
3 medium green onions sliced (1/3 cup)
3 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups milk
1/2 cup frozen peas
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2 Tablespoon chopped fresh or 1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed
2 hard-cooked eggs, chopped

Mix potatoes and carrots in 3-quart saucepan; add enough water to cover. Heat to boiling; reduce heat to medium. Cover and cook 8 to 10 minutes or until tender; drain in colander. Wipe out saucepan with paper towel.

Melt margarine in same saucepan over medium heat. Cook onions in margarine 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in flour. Gradually add milk, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils.

Stir in potatoes and carrots, peas, salt and pepper. Cook 5 to 6 minutes, stirring occasionally, until peas are tender.

Stir in dill weed. Cook 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Top each serving with chopped egg and, if desired, additional dill weed.

For the calorizers of the bunch, depending on how many red potatoes/hard-boiled eggs you put in, this recipe will come out to about 310 to 345 calories per serving.  For some reason my camera lens has this really attractive smudge on it… laws smudge… go away!

Question of the Day:  Are you a fan of cold/winter weather?  If so, you need to kick my receptacle into shape?  If not, what is your favorite season? 

FYI:  Next week I leave on my vacation!  Much anticipated bucket list item, Mission:  Uncage the Singing Bird trip… hotel rooms, bring me your best Lysol.  The point being, I’ll probably not be posting from Tuesdee, the 11th through Wednesday, the 19th… at least.  Catch you all on the flip side! 

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