Y’all… I’m totes lucky to be alive this awesome Mondee (no, it’s not opposite day… and yes, I did use the words “lovely” and “Mondee” in the same dagnabbed sentence). Why do I say that you ask? I’m glad you asked (stop it… even if you didn’t ask, you KNOW I’m going to blather on like a maniac for at least 3 paragraphs). I’ve mentioned at least a billion times that I despise bugs and creepy crawly, slimy, ugly, moving, slithering, infested, germy beings… almost as much as I despise the bane of my existence… I said ALMOST! The last month or so there’s been an onslaught of above-mentioned beings living in my basement… and it’s not like they weigh 300 pounds and eat their weight in chocolate (we’d have a SERIOUS problem if that were the case… hands the heck off my chocolate crawly ugly beings!) It just so happens that I freak out every time a spider the size of my desired serving of cake flits across the floor like it’s paying rent or some such nonsense… I did not ask for crawly roommates… I think my rent should be discounted. There’s a Bible verse on this topic. Something to the effect… “And it came to pass that there were 8-legged crawly beings infesting the abode… and Whitney was sore afraid.” Don’t try to look that verse up… it’s only in my copy… but it’s an autographed copy.
So, the ugly crawly thing runs across the floor, Whitney immediately gets up off her duff-nox like she’s won the lottery and does the dance of horror… it’s more of a jig… actually, it’s more like me standing in the middle of the floor, pointing at the crawly thing, and screaming at whomever is in the room to get rid of it… flush it down the toilet trap and save me from the big bad spider thinger. HUGE-mongous spiders are the one thing I draw the line at ever picking up in my armour of 8 billion paper towels. I’ll pick up the dreaded earwigs, centipedes, beetles, small spiders, etc., etc., etc., but thou shalt NOT pick up spiders the size of thy head!
Recently, we’ve had an infestation of flies. HUGE flies… like the size of horse flies flying around the basement. I’ve spent at least 3 hours over the weekend, fly swatter in hand, chasing these suckers down… no exaggeration. Whacked me off at least 12 of those buggers. It’s like I’m in the flea good riddance mob… except with less cigars.
I always say I can only conquer one thing at a time. Right now I’m working on building up an aversion to eating like a sumo wrestler… the irrational fear of crawly things will have to come later. We’re prioritizing, people! No one ever done died of an aversion to spiders… but plenty of folk have passed on due to an aversion of all things movement and vegetable.
Question of the Day: What’s your biggest irrational fear? Any exterminating of crawly things suggestions? I’m getting rid of these things if it kills me!
Meanwhile… back in the land of lazy visiting guest kitties who should be pulling their weight while I buy their kitten food… instead of jumping right up to save Whitney from these vicious crawly things, she was doing a bit of this:
And then she was doing some of this:
And most importantly… she was doing some of this:
Why yes, I’m glad you asked… those are all dead-to-the world sleeping kitty photos and yes, this cat is still available to the first home who claims her! I done badgered every guest who came by the house to take the cute little thing until they vowed to never return due to my psychotic salesman approach. Almost had the thing in Lindsay and Shayne’s car to take home tonight, but then Madre ruined it! Sweet kitty… FREE… contact me!