See Ya’ Comfort Zone…

NOTE:  To clarify, the production is just a LOCAL production with local players.  I don’t think I voiced that very well in the following entry.

Well, wrap me in a rotted carcass and call me swamp thing… I just noticed the deodorant I’ve been using for the last 2 weeks (supposedly a BRAND NEW bottle of deodorant) expired in September 2010!!  What’s 2-1/2 years when it comes to smelling rosy?  I’m suing the store that sold it to me… first of all… second of all… y’all who passed my house the last 2 weeks and smelt that stench… Bambi called and wants his mom back!  Oooo… was that mean… I’m sorry… too soon?

In other less smelly news… comfort zones… I live by mine.  I take up residence on a decadely basis and during that time I mostly do nothing that would require me to stretch the levels of my comfort.  That’s how it usually goes…

A few weeks back I got a letter from a sweet lady who lives in my city.  It was handwritten and basically told me about the auditions for this production of one of Michael McLean’s oratorios called, The Garden and that I needed to go and audition.  My first reaction was LOL…. literally, and then the 2nd reaction:  HELL NO!!!  Firstly, I had never heard of The Garden and so assumed it was a play… Whitney can’t act… unless she’s acting lame at calorizing.  I got the letter on a Sunday.  Auditions were being held two days away on a Tuesday and Wednesday night.  I barely thought about it Sunday night… my mind was made up… it was a no!  Monday was more of the same.  Tuesday came and went and I did not magically appear at the auditions that night.  Wednesday… the final night of auditions… my answer was still no.  I went to dinner with some friends that evening where I didn’t mention one word about it.  When I got home at around 7:00 I had a Facebook message from another sweet friend, asking me if I was going to make it to the auditions.  I don’t know what hit me… something like a sudden sense of courage sprouting from my hanged toenail, but 5 minutes later I was in the car driving with last-minute Madre, the accompianist.  It was cold and dark when we arrived at the audition place.  The wind was blowing hard, it was probably about 5 degrees, and no lights were on in the building.  We tried both front doors, but they were locked.  Back in the car, my first thought was just to go back home and forget about it, but Madre insisted on driving around to the back and blast that she did, we found an open door with a line up of people inside it.  Dagblast it, Madre!

I had spent approximately ZERO time preparing a song, A.) because I wasn’t going to do it… and 2.) I WASN’T GOING TO DO IT!  My last second selection, Oh Holy Night… in February… you are welcome!  I managed to get through the song in one piece.  I always find it wayyyyyyyy more intimidating singing to a small group rather than a large one.  I don’t know why… maybe it’s because in a larger group I can blend in with the crowd when it’s over.  With a small group, when you suck it up… they’re going to know it’s you.  At the end of the audition, I got a callback and was asked to sing part of one of the songs from the oratorio, which I had never in my life heard before and so did pretty much horribly on… I suck at sight reading.  Give me time to practice and I can get it down to a science… but sight reading is like if a cat done got their tail cut off by a weed whacker.

I went home that night glad that I had braved it up and went… but pretty confident that I would not be getting any parts… chalk another one up to “the experience.”  It was an honor being nominated… blah, blah, blah.  Fast forward to a week later and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but 8 tiny reindeers bearing the following message:

If that ain’t my name next to the Olive Tree part than I’ll eat my expired deodorant!  I had to look approximately 18 times to make sure I was reading it right.  And in case you were wondering… my official role title… the OLD BARREN OLIVE TREE.  Bring on the jokes, y’all.  I guess it makes sense… I do like olives… trees are pretty awesome… and oh, I’m also quite old and barren… might be a match made in jokeville!

The comfort zone has been smashed!  Bring it on!  Moral of the Story:  Shut up and just do it, okay?  You hear me?  All of you all out there… SHUT UP… DO IT!  End of story!  Also, thank you to the folk (who don’t read this blog but they know who they are) who pushed me to try out.  You all knew what I needed somehow.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Are you a regular comfort zone basher or do you love the walls of your zone?  What’s the last thing you did to break through the zone?  

PS- For those who were like me and had never heard of Michael McLean’s The Garden, it’s basically an oratorio (solos and an ensemble) that tells the story of the Garden of Gethsemane through the eyes of some of it’s contents (i.e., olive tree, seedling, ram in a thicket, and millstone).  Of course those are all symbolic and it does a good job of making us think in terms of our own lives.  I’ve been listening to the CD the last few days and it is a beautiful production.  Perfect for the Easter season coming up.

This is an old picture… I have taken zero pictures since December of this year.  There is nothing to take a picture of because the inversion lives here permanently.

Belly Laughs…

This past Thursday, Madre and I went to a comedian at the Ellen Eccles Theater.  Brian Regan… is totes hilarious, like for real!  The good thing about Brian is that he’s clean.  No inappropriateness or excessive swearing or things that you wouldn’t want your kids to hear… and he still manages to be the funniest thing on a cracker!  It’s the combination of his nerdy mannerisms and his acting out of his jokes and his delivery that get you.  If I had a GU problem, I’d best be wearing Depends at his concert, but since I don’t, I’ll spare you the details.  He came a couple of years ago to the little town of Logan as well and I went then too.  It’s a good thing to have a belly laugh every once in a while and Brian certainly delivered that… I burned approximately 3 million calories in those 2 hours!

This video wasn’t from the concert that I went to, but same bit he did at ours… his bit on toasting Poptarts!  Check it out and laugh… or else!

Question of the Day:  Have you seen Brian Regan Live?  Favorite jokes?  Who is your favorite funny man/woman?

Festive decorations…

This would be his Christmas joke portion (I took the video even though they told me not to!) where he’s describing putting lights on the Christmas tree.

And if you’re needing to waste more time in your day… his section about eating healthy, etc.

Parking My Butt In A City… Part 1

I invited myself along to Lindsay’s birthday present to Madre.  I’m getting more bold in my invitation skillz.  Every wo-man for herself… or get left behind and bittered and eventually end up living in a yurt in the wilderness gnawing on thistle and singing harmony with the voices in the noggin space.  That’s what I see in my future if I don’t start being more bold… overgrown weeded yurt living… toothless and smelling like a skunk done up and took a swim in the sewer treatment plant.  I paint the prettiest pictures, right?  Now… who wants refried beans?

So, I invited myself along.  Actually, I skipped out on the stay overnight part and then worked 3 hours Friday morning and headed up after that.  Of course I’d have to meet them inside the dressing room of the Centerville Tar-jay… it wouldn’t be fashionista express if I didn’t… and of course whilst I was waiting for them to finish their shopping adventure, I bought every hygiene product known to mankind because I have an illness.  Also, has anyone noticed that the plus size women’s section in the Target has like 3 items.  I’m not even joking around… THREE items and then it goes straight to maternity wear.  I picked out a T-shirt I thought I might buy… took it over to show the fashionista experts…

Whitney:  Can you see through this shirt?
Madre:  Hmmm… kind of… but it looks okay!

Madre has a problem with that… it’s either YES or NO!  Either you can see through it or you can’t.

Whitney:  Can you see through this shirt?
Lindsay:  Holy yes, you can.  I wouldn’t buy it.

THANK YOU!  I rest my case.

After Tar-jay and dropping off the peaches I had acquired on the fruit way at Lindsay’s house, we headed to this place called Classy Chassis Beauty Supply Salon and Gifts… aka HOARDER’S PARADISE.  I got claustrophobic they had so much stuff packed in that space.  Madre found her some new hair extensions:

I can totally see why this place is called Classy… we were trying to get her to do the Princess Leia look, but before I could get a decent picture, some older lady came over like she was a Kindergarten teacher scolding her young students for flicking boogers at the blackboard.  She had the stink eye down to a science.  Tsk, tsk Madre… FOR SHAME!  :P

Having been stink eyed on out of Classiness, we were off to Park City… a resort town just outside of Salt Lake City.  First stop… more shopping.  Can you tell there was a theme to this trip?  I don’t recall shopping so much in years… not since I was a wee bopper and was made to tag along to save on babysitting fees.  They controlled themselves pretty good.  I think they went to a total of 3 stores in an outlet mall filled to the brim with stores (time constraints are a wonderful thing sometimes).  I did find me some long-sleeved sweaters at the Gap Outlet for 12 bucks each.  That’s a deal, Vern.  And then I bought some shoes at the Skecher’s Outlet and some slippers at the Crocs Outlet.  Oh laws… Crocs have come a long way since they only made the ugly clog versions… and they’re waterproof to boot!  Plus, we got to see the native animal population of Utah:

Red, wearing a scarf, and a fashionista shopping addict.  Yep… we know how to grow ‘em!  Don’t you forget it!

Part 2:  eating establishments and concerts on the lawn tomorrow!

Question of the Day:  Do you like to shop?  What store is your favorite to buy clothes in?  

 

Flower Power…

Dang… now I have that annoying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song running circles through my brain-ium… don’t tell me you don’t know which song I’m talking about… Heroes in a half shell… Turtle Power!  I thought so.  If I go insane by the end of this post, you will know what to tell the officers… I done been braniumed to death by Turtle Power!!

Because I worked Saturday and Sunday last weekend, I had a day to take off this past week.  I chose Fridee since that’s the day both Madre and sister Lindsay have off every week… y’all, for seriously feel bad for them and their perma 3-day weekends… for seriously!  I have wanted to go to Salt Lake City to see the tulip festival for years now, but I’d never been able to make it, so now that I’m supposed to be all vibrant and life-like, I made it a point to get there this year!  No matter that we had a cold front pour in on Thursdee night and snow on Fridee morning… no matter that there was wind chill going on and Dorothy and Toto’s house almost dropped from the sky clear from Kansas… no matter… I was going!  Come helium balloons or high water!

The tulip festival is held at a place called Thanksgiving Point… which if you asked Lindsay is the point where the Pilgrims and the Indians meet each year to eat bird bones and pumpkin pie.  I think she was most shocked that there was not one giant dude dressed like a turkey walking around the Thanksgiving Point place.  Maybe next time, Lindser… maybe next time (ps… anyone have a turkey suit I could rent?).  We’ve all lived in Utah for many moons, but heck if we’d ever been to the Point before.  We prefer to live in our ignorance.  Turns out Thanksgiving Point has pretty much nothing to do with Thanksgiving or yams and much more to do with stuff that’s not that.  I still am not sure what the helium balloon the point is all about, but I do know they have some fabulous looking, manicured grounds and gardens.

I almost wore these to take the tour… I totes would have if they’d had the million dollars they said they’d give me if I wore them.  At the entrance to the gardens, you had the option of driving a golf cart around to view the stuff… it’s a long butt walk.  Lindsay was all gung ho for the golf cart… mostly because I’m sure she wanted to see if she could drive it into a waterway… sink or float?  200 plus pounds ago, that would have been my only option… that or sit in the car.  We decided against it and went for the walk, which was totally the way to do it… or you could have been like that one chick who nearly ran us over when she rented segways she didn’t know how to operate downhill.

Lindser chillin’ by some flower power…

Madre and her favorite lilacs!  I had to restrain her from stealing these things… and I missed her when she picked 2 pansies… because they would “die” soon.  Seriously y’all… for serious!

There were waterfalls…

There were flowers and vegetation pretty much everywhere you looked… and it totes looked good enough to eat, said the polka dotted-eared bunny rabbit!  Although, next time I am going earlier in the season.  We went the day before the last day and a lot of the tulips were either dead, blown off from the wind and rain the previous night, or rough looking… there was still a lot to look at, though!

There were approximately 8 bajillion kids wearing red shirts… obviously some sort of school field trip.  Either that or field trip day at the juvenile detention center!  They obviously also did not get the memo that it was frigid… no coats and shirt sleeves?  When Madre was wearing 2 shirts, a cardigan, and 2 winter coats?  Sacrilege!?!?!  :P  They acted like they’d never been out of doors before, running around and causing ruckus amongst the tulip people.

Madre and Lindsay at the entrance to the vine-covered walkway.

I need to go back to these gardens when it’s warmer… I’d totally spend more time sitting on benches and taking in the beauty rather than trying to rush through it to get to the warmth.  I’m not sure that Lindsay and Madre enjoyed it as much as I did, but a day in the beauty of nature is always at the top of my list… always!

Part 2 of 3:  Lunch at the Trellis Cafe in tomorrow’s post!

Question of the Day:  What is your favorite flower?  Utahans/Idahoans… have you ever been to the tulip festival?

From Now Until January 2nd… I’m Officially 5!!

I hate winter.  Hate it.  That attitude needs adjusted and STAT because you know what happens with we emotional eaters when we feel an unpleasant emotion… major raid on the gummy bear stash!!   I like the month of December, minus the coldness and darkness part of it all, because there is always something going on.  I always have these grand ideas that I’m going to get all of this stuff in during the month of December and then January hits and I look back at what I’ve accomplished and it’s pretty much nothing.  TV watching… check.  Sitting on butt on couch cushion… check.  Watching wall paint dry… check.  Drooling out both sides of mouth… crusty check.  PATHETICALLY LAME!!   I’m determined that will not happen this December… I repeat… THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN!

I’ve decided I’m going to revert to my inner 5-year-old child for the month of December.  Santa Claus is real, y’all (he is)!  There’s magic in the air and it smells like Teen Spirit… errr… I mean gingerbread men.  To kick my butt into gear and to show myself that I’m serious about this gig, I went and made me up a collage… a collage of all of the things I want to do this holiday season.  When January hits, I’m making me up another collage.  A collage of things I want to do during the winter.  It’s good to have things to look forward to so I’m not overwhelmed by the depressing snowy, inversiony, cold air, walking around  with my SAD disorder on full display!

Why yes I’m a professional collage maker… why do you ask?  No matter that I cut the sleeve of my shirt whilst making this sucker… I’m also pretty sure the Kindergarten called and wanted their glue sticks and safety scissors back.   Brief explanations of my sloppage:

- Charity/gift giving:  Angel tree and service… fo’ sho!
- Christmas Movies:  Gotta get my favorites in this year… A Christmas Story, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (already done), Mr. Krueger’s Christmas, It’s A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, Home Alone, and a new one yet to be determined.
- Christmas Music:  Mindy Gledhill has a new Christmas album out… LOVE Mindy.  Also need to listen to The Carpenters (Karen Carpenter is my fave, fave, FAVE), The Forgotten Carols, Harry Connick, Jr., Michael Buble, Amy Grant, Andy Williams, and Babs!
- Sing, Sing, Sing!!  Got me 4 or 5 Christmassey singing gigs this year.  Singing makes me happy.  KNOCK ON WOOD that I don’t catch the cruditits voice ruiner!
- Christmassey Food (in moderation):  I’m making and decorating sugar cookies this year… mark my words.  Most to give away, but I have to have a couple!  Hot chocolate… on the list… our annual Christmas Eve fondue par-tay… on the list.  And oranges… juicy delectable oranges!
- Christmassey Books:  I bought the new book Jacob T. Marley, which I plan on reading.  Then, I’ll get in some heartwarming short stories… you know, the ones best read while PMSing.  Plus, I have a gaggle of children’s books I need to read through again.
- Christ centered… most importantly, I need to remember what the real reason of the season is.  Madre is helping because she only has approximately 8 bajillion manger scenes… I’ll post pictures another time, but apparently he was born 3000 different times in her living room!

Question of the Day:  What are you looking forward to doing this holiday season? 

If y’all don’t like Michael Buble, I don’t think we can be friends!    Heads up to the M. Buble fans.  He has a new TV Christmas special featuring him and guests like Bieber Fever on December 6th, NBC… be there or be square… drooling!   Gadfrey… stop it, y’all… that’s just NASTY!  Bieber Fever is illegal for 95% of us!!