Jell-O Knees…

Jell-O is like the official food of Utah… except in Utah a Jell-O dish isn’t a Jell-O dish until it has something grated into it that has no right being inside of it!  I’m looking at you carrots!  That’s the best definition I can come up with for how my knees behaved during opening night of The Garden tonight.  In all my years of singing, I hadn’t realized how intimidating it would be to stand on a stage with a big ole spotlight trained on only me in front of an audience of thousands dozens… and with nothing to hide behind!  I suggested I could hide behind the big tree I stand next to, but for some reason no one thought that was a good idea… nor did they think my joke was funny… spoil sports.

So, my legs are shaking violently standing up there in a heavenly ball of light and all I can think is… please don’t faint… please don’t faint… also, remember to buy deodorant.  And once your legs start to shake, there’s no stopping them.  It’d be like stopping kitty Lucy-Fur from cleaning her nether regions in front of company… ain’t happening!  I’m proud to report I did not faint tonight… but I still have 3 more nights to accomplish said goal.  KNOCK ON WOOD!  I’ll bring a carrot to grate should that happen… best believe it!

Question of the Day:  What do you do to calm your nerves?  

PS – I am pretty sure I have the best family and friends alive on the planet.  Thank you to those who came tonight and those who have tickets for other nights.  I really am a blessed girl.

 

PPS- Karen… this is Maxine… you need to become acquainted with her… she’s right up your alley!  :P

RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE FROM MAXINE

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me.

Food… Such a Dumb Word For Such a Glorious Invention…

I get into these lame-bot cycles where I get a word in my head that I analyze to death until I want to poke one or more eyeballs out in frustration… but that’s nothing like the times where I narrate every move I make in my head like I’m writing a mystery novel.  I carefully made my way out of the shower and carefully dried myself off with my yellow fluffy towel.  Carefully seems to be my favorite adjective in these head-space novels of mine.  I didn’t say anyone would want to read this mystery novel.  I might want to read it, though, after I’ve finished poking my eyeballs out and roasting them amidst the embers of above-mentioned mystery novel.

This week’s word has been food (unlike every other week where it’s usually foooooooodddd) …  say it outloud?  Food.  What a dumb word.  It doesn’t sound at all appetizing and it rhymes with words I’d rather not think about when I’m eating.  Food food food food food… EW.  I prefer the Spanish equivalent… comida.  That sounds much more romantic and not as dumb… and I’ve yet to rhyme it with anything gross.  The only bad part of this situation is the extent of my Spanish language knowledge (even after 3 years of Spanish in school) is pretty much counting, hello, goodbye, and comida.  My conversational skillz would be only beneficial if I happened to be an elevator operator… I’d have to learn how to say which floor… but after that… total cake walk!

Whitney… carefully shut up and carefully display this week’s 1500-calorie food menu, pictures, and calories… but carefully:

Breakfast (Peachy oatmeal muffin, egg beaters, reduced fat cheese, salsa, and bing cherries… Total calories:  267)

The egg beater people came out with a brand spanking new flavor of flavored egg whites… holy laws, hold me back Lucretia!!  It’s three-cheese Egg Beaters… 25 calories for 3 Tblsp… I doubled it and went for 6 Tblsp. because I totes live on the edge of life… but carefully.  Recipe for peach-oatmeal muffins, which are major tastee… and I substituted the 1 cup of milk for 1 cup of almond milk because almond milk has a naturally sweet flavor and has less calories!   Oh, and I totally skipped the cooking the peaches in sugar and butter portion because heck if I’m calorizing… I just threw the plain peaches on the top of the muffins before cooking… voila.  You can also wrap these babies up and freeze them… take them out one at a time and micro-oven them fore a few seconds.  They last longer that way!

Meal #2: (Moo Shu Vegetables, flour tortillas, and grape tomaters… Total Calories:  392)

My pal (what up, Alena) tipped me off to Moo Shu vegetables at Mandarin Gardens (a restaurant here in town)… I’d never eaten them before and I do enjoy them heartily.  So, I thought I’d attempt my own version… but using broccoli slaw, mung bean sprouts, scallions, and eggs.  Hoisin sauce, rice vinegar, garlic, and soy sauce give it the flavor of China… except not really the sewer flavor.  Oh boy… I’m really talking these up with all this Chinese sewer talk.  They are good… moving on.  Recipe for Moo Shu veggies

Meal #3: (Veggie & Cheese Bagel… Total Calories:  304)

I modified this recipe from Pioneer Woman for the Veggie and Cheese bagel… because… again… calorizing.  Instead of cream cheese, I used spreadable laughing cow cheese and instead of a real bagel I used one of those 110-calorie Thomas bagel thins.  I used the meunster and cheddar cheese, but had to half the slices.  Tastee… refreshing… summery… make me another one!

Dinner:  (Easy Veggie Pizza Roll… Total Calories:  334)

Mine turned out to be less of a ring and more of an oblongato shape… when you use a rectangular pan there is no way to make it circular shaped… just deal!  This was mightee tastee too and easy as peas in two pods of vinegar.  Obviously, this is not a serving size… This is:

Recipe for easy veggie pizza oblongato-shape…  Of course hers is prettier… who do you think I am?  Martha Stewart!?!?!?!?

Dessert:  (1 cup sugar-free black cherry Jell-O, 3 ounces strawberries, and 4 Tblsp. lite Cool Whip… Total Calories:  87)

Stop with your Jell-O is made of horse hooves talk.  It’s the official comida of Utah and don’t you forget it.  We consume it by the barrel full… my gram got real creative-like with hers… she put anything she had leftover in the vegetable crisper in a batch of Jell-O and called it a smorgasbord fit for a king!  This really hit the spot for me… and I couldn’t even tell it was sugar-free with the strawberries and the cool whip masking it.

TOTAL CALORIES FOR THE DAY:  1384

I really liked all of these meals individually and I’d make them all again in a heart beat.  I’d probably not do them all together on the same day again in the future because all together, I was over my sodium for the day… and I be trying to watch that.  I blame the soy sauce and hoisin sauce… sodium hoggers!  If you could care less about coming in under sodium, which is pretty much everyone I know… go hog wild and eat 2 of each meal… but only if you’re aiming for 2800 calories per day… my lucky metabolism kings!   Still a lot of food for very few calories.  I was totally not wanting for anything extra… but carefully!

Question of the Day:  Do you like sugar-free Jell-O?  What do you eat with yours?