Classiness Is A Verb…

Y’all… it’s been the weirdest… the other week I brushed a dead spider out of my hair… it was all crumpled and brittle… and basically dead… and I almost shaved my entire 3 hairs off my head and started over! The weirdest part about it is I wash my hair thorouhgly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!!! So, like how in the sam hill bean company did a spider burrow into my hair follicles, die, and then brittle up in the space of a couple of hours? Don’t mind me… I’m basically traumatized for life… it’s okay y’all.

In other weirdness, that same week I was sitting in the parking lot of Macey’s, about to get out to go in and get my grocery shopping on, when some brilliant person comes screeching out the Kentucky Fried Chicken drive through and slams into my front bumper like I’m some invisible Beulah the Buick car or something. I was even laying on my horn because I saw that she wasn’t slowing down. She got out of her car looked at my bumper and was like, “I hope I didn’t damage your car too much.
Thanks for honking.” Uh…. sure… except it didn’t work because you still bat in helled right into my car. Because I’m nice and Beulah was an embarrassment of bird doo, I didn’t call the police or get her insurance info. So, the leak I discovered and the physical damage adds to the charm of the Beulah phenomenon!

Now that you are reminded about how classy I really am, Lindsay gifted my mom (for mother’s day) and I (for a graduation present), a reservation to afternoon tea at the Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City this past weekend. Basically, the Grand America Hotel is for hoity toity people… people who line their garbage cans with 100-dollar bills. I line my garbage cans with recycled grocery store sacks, so you can see my dilemma. I called in advance to see if there was a dress code, because let’s face it, I wasn’t wearing a formal gown. I was told that there was a variety of dress, but most people come in their casual clothes. We showed up in our casual clothes, which was totally fine because at least half of the place was wearing casual clothes, but then the other half was glaring at us like we done spit in the herbal tea carafe. Several tables were wearing fancy floral dresses with old-fashioned hats with netting veil-like things that come down over the eyes. Oh my laws y’all… I forgot my netting at the gold-plated dry cleaners. Then, to top it off after our fancy waiter gave us an entire menu full of fanciful British teas to choose from, Lindsay done asked if they had a jumbo mug of Diet Coke. I’m surprised she didn’t pull her gas station mug out her purse and ask them to fill ‘er up, fellas. The waiter brought her a Diet Coke in a wine glass… so you can see our dilemma.

Even if we weren’t the classiest patrons in the place, we still had a good time. Next time I’ll be sure to wear more gold-infused floral!

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The first 3-tiered tray of food. Finger sandwiches, some with goat cheese and arugula (gag me a maggot) and others with more normal things like chicken and turkey.

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The dessert tray… I didn’t really make it to this tray. I was too full from coconut almond hot chocolate and goat cheese sandwiches.

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A trip to SLC is never complete without some cheeser BoBo time! Even if he is wearing one Elmo slipper and one Cars slipper.

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Harley the cat huggles…

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Yep… snow in mid-May. Don’t sign me up!

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Sale-ebrations…

Mother’s day weekend is always jam packed over here at the Mediocre Ranch. You have your annual mother’s day and then my dad’s birthday falls around the same time, so we always try to celebrate both in the same weekend.

This weekend was no exception. There was a visit from Baby BoBo and his big cheeser grins. We squirted some flowers with the water guns I got at the dollar store, got dirty in the neighbor’s sandbox, saw some baby chickies at the Cal-Ranch store, made a steak dinner with funeral potatoes and non-alcoholic Summer In A C Cup drinks, ate overly-priced brunch at the golf course where BoBo shared an ice cream cone with the floor, talked to Elder Bro Christian on his mission via Skype, and unsuccessfully tried to take group selfies… now all I have to do is take the 32 selfies, cut out the individual people, and photoshop them into a group photo where everyone is looking at the camera at the same time. So easy… said no one ever!

In other news, we also celebrated mothers… I am all for celeebrating the hardworking, long-suffering women in my life… y’all deserve all of the accolades and more, especially my momma! I also have a hard time with this day as I am reminded that I was not blessed with children, and it always gives me a tinge of sadness to think of it. Life is an interesting mish mash of twists and turns… and one day I hope to know more about it.

Happy mother’s day to my momma and the few other mother’s who read this blog… and also a big happy birthday to my dad who turned a whopping 39 (coughyeahrightcough) this year! Love you all!

This is my favorite video… turn on the sound!

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Oh cheeser baby… also, ice cream cones with a fork is the new thing.

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Neighbor Thomas is always so sweet to let Bourne play with his toys.

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Perseverance…

I wasn’t going to post anything, but figured I best if I’m using this old fashioned blog (Snapchat what!?) as a sort of a journal. It’s good to make note of milestones… no matter if it may have taken 20 years to reach said milestone… because perseverance counts for something… it just has to said the tortoise to the hare.

I graduated high school in 1997… y’all… put your calendars away… that was 20 damn-fried years ago. By fall of 1997 I enrolled at USU because that’s what all the cool kids were doing… and by cool I really mean non-druggy. High school came easy to me… I’d do a lot of my homework on the bus or 5 minutes before the class started and I’d still get A’s. College, I found was not the same beast. I had to study… and I really didn’t know how to study. I also figured I’d be superwoman my freshman year and on top of having a full-time schedule of classes, to pay for those classes (no scholarships for the Whitmeister despite good grades and ACT score), I also was juggling 3 jobs and had a death wish with a newly-diagnosed diabetes disease. Needless to say, I bombed big time. I got my first D’s and F’s in all my school career. I had too much going on and not enough desire to focus on the betterment part of my life. I faked my way through a few more semesters… got some more poor grades… did less studying… worked 2 jobs (quit 1), and gained approximately 200 pounds in the process. By Spring of 1999 I fizzled out of the USU thing and just worked. A few years later I attended a year+ of Bridgerland Applied Technology College to become a medical transcriptionist, and that’s where I worked for approximately 13 years.

To make a long story even boringer, I realized that if I wanted to see my dream of owning my own place and perhaps a small country in Europe, I’d either have to adopt a rich grandfather, become a mail order bride for rich blind people, or I’d have to finish that dagnabbed degree at USU and give myself a fighting chance. Transcription was also going the way of the dinosaur with technology advancing, so there was double reason to pick option C. By fall of 2012, I’d re-enrolled at USU and started my college career again. I still worked full time, but only 1 job and decided to keep things sane I better just do part-time school with a full-time job. I was determined to not make the same mistakes I had years earlier. To be honest, I was pretty sure I’d fizzle out again after a few semesters and register for that rich grandfather program, but something in me kept going… semester after semester, 6 or 7 credits per semester and a realization that I’d be near geezer status by the time I finally graduated.

I graduated this weekend… pulled my pitiful 2.4 GPA when I fizzled out in early 1999 up to near a 3.8 (that’s including my F’s and D’s as those don’t get erased from your transcript). Life is funny… could this be the time I was meant to finish my long sought after bachelor’s degree… in my late 30s with greying foliage? If you believe that lives are mapped out before we arrive here on Earth, then absolutely. I’m just doing things out of order.

Call me a late bloomer… I’m wayyyy behind all of you cool kids, but finishing something big like this, for this chic who has a closet full of unfinished crafting disasters, is something to pat myself on the back for. Now, if I could only figure out what I want to be when I grow up!? 😛 I’m open to suggestions!

PS – If anyone knows of a really cool job who is looking for a hardworking, responsible to a fault, newly graduated girl named Whitney, I’m at the top of that list.

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The Hair Saga: Dusty Rose or Passion Pink?

Y’all… I just watched a tribute to the music of the Bee Gees last night, so I currently have the songs Night Fever and Staying Alive on a constant loop of annoyance in my brain space. Slap a disco ball on me and call me Travolta! I’m really mostly sorry you had to miss the dancing because woo boy… if the Village People were present they’d have arrested me on the spot… for serious!

In other news, I got a “tip” on how to better color stubborn grey hairs… I usually just buy a box of dye at the Wally World and slap that sucker on like it’s 1952. It’s worked fine, except for the fact that I still see errant greys sticking out in my bangs and temple regions… I’ve pretty much pulled way too many grey hairs out my head as that was my method of covering grey for many years, so I have like 12 hairs left. When I was getting my hair cut the other week, I asked the stylist for some tips… and tips she gave. Go to Sally Beauty, pick a color (lighter than the color you want because it always colors darker) and then 2 different developers, a stronger one and a not so stronger one. Okay… well, how easy is that said the grey hair puller chic!

When I was at Sally Beauty Supply looking through the hair colors, I ran into a lady in her 50s or 60s? I can never guess with ages… she turned to me and was all like, which color do you think would look best on me… this dusty rose color or passion pink? Seeing as I have a conservative stick up my butt and the last thing I did that made me stand out in a crowd (well, besides weighing 530 pounds at one point) was split my pants open (and that wasn’t on purpose), I was about to point her to the mousy brown section, when she threw in the hot pink color to the choices. Okay, Jem and the Holograms… but where’s Rainbow Brite!?

I settled on a brown color with a reddish tint to it since that’s my natural hair color… even picked the lighter shade since that was part of the tip. To make a long story less long, Saturday night’s mixture made me look like Anne of Green Gables on steroids… wayyyyy too reddish pinkish… not the pretty color of red either. The next day I used a brown color from Wally World, that I already had in my closet, over top of it hoping it would temper the brightness… it sure did Gertrude… if you enjoy your hair being purple. Whatever… I will give that lady one thing… my greys were sure as heck all covered up after that ordeal. It’s been a few weeks of hair washing and the color has tamed down quite a bit, so I don’t mind it now even if it’s not the color I wanted. Moral of the story, go with dusty rose… always!

How is everyone else doing this rainy April!? Anything new and groovy?

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The purplish hair (after the 2nd dye job)… you can’t tell how purpley it was because of the lighting… but let’s just say if the Hot Pink chick was looking for someone to play in her Jem Band, I was her girl!

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Lookit! It’s Piggy Baby BoBo!

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BoBo wants a sandbox, Lindsay! Hello!

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Memory Lane: The Sally Jones Tribute…

I was 12 when I first heard her voice. It was at a stake talent show, one where I was dancing with my young women’s group to songs from South Pacific (and I use the term “dancing” very liberally). I remember my mouth gaping open for a good 10 minutes as she expertly sang her way through a song from “Phantom Of The Opera” and I remember exclaiming to my young women’s group… she sounds exactly like the lady on the Phantom CD I have! I remembered her voice for a long while after. I wanted to sing like she did. My problem was I had absolutely no range and at 12 years old my voice had changed from the little girl squeaky voice to one deeper and full of hormonal inconsistencies. I had sung ever since the age of 2, but I had stopped at age 11 or 12 because I couldn’t reach the notes and it depressed me. It was about a year later when my mom suggested I try taking voice lessons. I jumped at the idea and when she dropped me off at the house of the voice teacher she had chosen for me, I had that familiar déjà vous moment when I realized it was the same lady I had heard sing the Phantom song a year before! I was a bit starstruck… and already extremely shy and awkward. I didn’t say more than 2 words at our first lesson, but she was kind and warm and made me feel at home, so I went back the next week… and the next week after that for the next 6 years. She became more than my voice teacher. She became a friend and a cheerleader for Whitney of the extremely awkward teenage years. She accepted me as I was and she taught me that singing was more than just singing the notes, it was about feeling the emotions of the words and conveying that to the audience. She said if you can do that, they won’t remember any bad notes you hit, they’ll remember how you made them feel. I took that to heart and remember those words every time I step up to sing. Over the years, even after I had quit taking lessons from her, we still got together to sing duets, she the soprano and me the alto. I was definitely the lucky one in the situation as she was so much more vocally gifted than I.

At a time where I had no self confidence and zero self-esteem, she was that person who believed in my talents and abilities. She did that for many other girls and boys in her 20+ years of teaching. A few days ago, at the age of 65, she lost her battle with brain cancer, the 2nd cancer go around for her. I know everyone who knows Sally Jones is heartbroken… heartbroken for her sweet husband Bill and her son Eric and his family. I will always remember her for her vibrant spirit, her beautiful voice, and how she made me feel… because she not only taught that to her students, she practiced what she preached. Thank you Sally Jones. You will be deeply missed.

Love,

Awkward Teeny Bopper Whitney
&
Still Awkward Adult Whitney

Click for her obituary and/or to leave a message to the family: http://www.allenmortuaries.net/obituaries/Sally-Jones-2/#!/Obituary

I’m putting this up for posterity. Pretty sure I shared this video several years ago, but it is one of the only ones I have of us singing a duet… back in the late 90s… and oh the fashion!

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LINDSAY’S UPDATE (AKA THE BLOGGING RETIREMENT POST)

Hi Whit’s readers, sorry I totally spaced last week. I wanted to do one more entry before the end of the goal I set. So I am sure you will all be glad to read Whit’s posts without my boring commentary! She’s much more entertaining!

I set a goal to loose 18 pounds in 3 months and I am down 14 pounds. I am 4 pounds from that goal. I have to still say that is a HUGE success for me! To be honest I never even thought I would get close to that as my past weight loss has been much slower.

So to finish off I wanted to share the 3 things that pushed me to my goal.
Set a goal
Be accountable to someone or something
Have a motivator of some kind at the finish line

My motivator is on Friday April 14th, We leave for Cancun. I absolutely DID NOT want to sit on the side lines and feel like I couldn’t get in the water with my baby! I do want to be in the water and be able to wear a swimsuit and participate with the activities everyone is doing.

That being said, I am not to a weight I want to be at yet. But I feel so much better than I have! So I am going to be happy and enjoy my time! On vacation I will not be counting or tracking calories and when I get home I will get right back on it to get losing the rest.

This is a lifelong process and therefore, whatever you start, make it something you can see yourself doing and living with for the rest of your life.

I look forward to hearing your progress it motivates me!

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You know how I know that BoBo and I are related? Because we’re both friends of chocolate:

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Hey errybody… look at all of my manimals!

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Oh Hey, April Fool!

Hey y’all… so, it’s April and that is always a good thing in my book… even if it rains 24/7. BoBo was here this past weekend and we sloshed through the mud on the canal bank like we were farmers with a purpose. Then, BoBo caked up his new shoes with 6 inches of mud and the party was over before it began. It’s always a party until someone gets muddy said the uptight OCD chick. He met our 3-year-old neighbor, Thomas, and they had a grand ole time loading up dump trucks with mud and dirt… until they started fighting over the bulldozer truck… and then it was like Jerry Springer with babies… except not at all like that and mostly crying crocodile tears until they got their way. Good friends.

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In other news, I ordered some prepackaged meals from a place called BistroMD last week. The purpose of it was to get me into a better routine of eating 3 square meals a day with more protein and veggies and less carbs. Let’s start with the pros… when you’re a single person cooking for a single person, in order to avoid wasting ingredients and food you basically have to eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all week… or at least I haven’t found a better way. With these flash frozen “gourmet” meals I ate a different thing every meal and every day. It was like I was like Oprah or something… except not at all like that because I had to feed myself… and I was not eating off of golden plates with platinum silverware. The meals all ranged from 200 to 400 calories and a day’s worth of food, including 2 small snacks came out to between 1200 and 1300 calories per day. Each meal was also 50% to 60% protein. There were some excellent entrees that I enjoyed and would totally eat again, case in point, this whole wheat bagel egg white and turkey sausage sandwich at around 320 calories.

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There were also some entrees that I had to gag down… and I mean literally gag down… like this concoction titled Broccoli Chicken casserole… which looked really delicious as a picture on the website with actual chunks of chicken and broccoli… instead, this is what I got:

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Some sort of pureed babyfood-like chicken and broccoli that made me feel like I forgot to put my dentures in before dinner. There is not a chicken chunk or broccoli chunk in sight, y’all!

There was also beef and pork… I have a hard time with meat… sue me. I’m okay usually with chicken and turkey on occasion (depending on the form it takes), but beef and pork are a different beast in the texture and taste department. So, while my goal was to eat more protein, I did not enjoy all of the proteins.

To sum it up… it was a good experience and I did order some more ala carte meals that I’m going to disperse into my days the next few weeks, but by the end of the week I went to Subway and ordered me an egg white and veggie sub instead of beef bourgenese or whatever you call it. That’s my kind of gourmet, yo… and they don’t puree it!

Exercise this past week was pretty good… I did 3 or 4 days of walking even when it was cold and windy and rainy and 2 more days of purposefully moving a lot more chasing BoBo around.

I need some updates on you all? How are things going over your ways? What goals are you going to set for this upcoming week?

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Lindsay must have gone into early blogging retirement. Like, I haven’t seen her send me an update in 2 weeks. I hope she got a great severence package from her blogging boss. Lindsay… Beuhler!?

I call this following montage, Baby cheesers… every time you say cheese or hold up a camera, BoBo practices his cheeser smile…

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Saturday, we had a surprise sendoff party for my nephew, Christian. After months of trying to get his leukemia in check after being sent home from his mission, he’s finally able to go back out and serve full time and will be leaving on Tuesday. He has to stay close to home so that he can be within a short distance of Huntsman Cancer Institute, but he’s super stoked to be going to Orem, Utah Spanish Speaking mission! This guy is a stellar dude for sure and we could all learn something from him about having a positive attitude in the face of adversity! Go, Christian, Go! In the above picture, I was videoing Christian opening the gift he was given and BoBo thought the camera was for him. Oh BoBo!

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He’s also learned a new trick called stick your finger up your nose to get attention! Oh BoBo!

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The Definition Of Hope…

Sometimes I get into a mood where I woe is me way more than my tiny violin can handle. Woing is only helpful if you have someone who doesn’t mind listening to the woing, and since that’s not a thing in anyone’s world and definitely not mine, let’s move on past the woing and onto the doing! I got into one of those moods last night… I blame it on near-midlife crisis or at least that’s what the tiny violin I sat on suggested. I’ve been thinking since (DANGER!!) about why I get up every day and I guess I came to the conclusion that I must have hope that one day something will go my way. I determined that has to be the definition of hope, starting over every day hoping to stumble into that pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow. I guess hope also comes with the desire to work towards the things you want to be better or else the hopeful feeling would be squashed pretty fast.

I’m a rambler… kind of like Kenny Rogers, except he was a gambler… so basically not at all the same except that me and Kenny rhyme… and if you have no clue what I’m talking about you should be ashamed of yourself and need to immediately buy Kenny Rogers’ greatest hits and get yourself schooled, yo!

To sum it up… get up everyday, start over, work hard, and have hope. I guess if we have that in our lives, we’re pretty much set to do anything.

I needed a swift kick in the butt in the eating department this past week (exercising went well, but you cannot outrun a bad diet), so I found a coupon and I’m going to try a weight loss meal delivery service for a week or two. I cannot afford more than that, but I figure a few weeks would give me a good jump start into better habits and 3 square meals plus 2 snacks per day instead of my usual preference of turning into Bessie the Grazing Cow Family. Y’all stay tuned… I will blog about my experience as soon as my first week gets here in the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, how is everyone else doing? Successes? Things to improve upon? Happy First day of spring y’all! If that doesn’t give you hope, I don’t know what will!

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LINDSAY’S UPDATE:

Hello long lost friends! We took a week off. We are back!

Update: I am down 13 pounds and I am 5 pounds away from my goal. Then I will set a new goal for myself. How are you guys doing on yours?

This week I am taking on a 5-day workout challenge that one of those following the blog, Chelsea shared with me. It is on Youtube. The workout is on FitneseBlender and it is the 5 Day Challenge. It is 5 days of workouts that last about 1 hour. I am excited to mix up my workouts. I am getting bored of P90X3. So it is time to have something else to look forward to in the workout arena. It will be challenging and is only 5 days!

SO this week, I would challenge each of you to mix something up in your daily routine for 5 days! Whether it is decrease your carbs, increase protein, add weight lifting whatever it is and give it a shot!

Good luck!

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BoBo found some “dear” friends of his. Get it… deer/dear!? Oh stahp!! BoBo has also been really sick with some yucky stomach bug so send him positive vibes y’all!

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