Cliche`s…

I got a note from my literature professor after the last paper I handed in that told me I oversaturated my paper with cliche`s! I was all like, well, you can lead a cow to the barn door, but you can’t make him sit on a chicken! That’s right… take that and smoke it. After I read that critique I spent the next two hours in my head space trying to think of all the cliche`s I could to use in my next paper. I’m raring to go… as the saying goes one person’s meat is another person’s poison, so absence does really make the heart grow fonder when a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

Help a gal out… leave me your favorite cliche`s in the comments! I have until December to use them all up!

Oh boy… they don’t know what they signed up for when they made my brain space! I tell you right now y’all!

We celebrated this boy’s birthday last night… albeit 2 weeks late! Corbin is 9… say it ain’t so!

This picture must sum up sibling rivalry at its finest!

Happy birfday, Dude! Next year you’ll be double digits… I wouldn’t recommend it!

BoBo’s like… hey errybody… look at me doing jazzy hands!

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Double X Treatment…

Busy weekend wherein I was supposed to squeeze in a gallon and a half of homework but ended up squeezing in approximately zero give a craps. That a girl, Whitney! You show them who’s boss down there at the due date office!

Instead I got to babysit my BoBo pal on Friday evening and all day Saturday while Lindsay and my mom attended a shindig. BoBo and I went on a walk to see some horsies, but it was so boring he fell asleep 12 times on the way there. We also went to a park to swing on some swings and pretend drive a wooden boat, BoBo was so over the playground. He was like, you seen one playground, you seen them all… let’s go to the bar! Oh baby… maybe when you’re two we’ll hit up the only bar here in town, “The White Owl”. Something to look forward to!


BoBo waving bye bye to the playground. Let’s jet, Auntie Whitty Woo!

BoBo got to eat his first creamie… 4 months of being sugar-free meant Auntie Whitty was mostly really jealous!

I gave him a pet kitty who will let BoBo give him kisses on account of the fact that he’s stuffed in a coma… slobbery kitty kisses for the win…

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Sunday afternoon we headed down to Salt Lake City to “meet the seats” in the new Eccles Theater. Madre bought season tickets for the first time in her life because she wants the opportunity to have the much sought after “Hamilton” tickets when it comes to town next year. Lindsay made us a deliciousfull dinner before (thank you, Poodle Head)! We brought royalty with us (what up, Karen) so we were pretty danged prestigious… except with Madre’s seats in row double X we were more like the peasants who scraped the cow manure off the royalty’s gold-plated shoes. Everyone there knew Karen because she’s the “ticket lady” Next time, Karen… tell them to bring in tastified sugar-free version of those lemon cookies. It’s the least they could do for royalty!


Those are royalty’s seats… Madre’s are further back… in double X!


15th anniversary of 09/11. I still remember that day back in 2001, hearing about the havoc when my radio alarm clock rang for me to get up to go to school. It was surreal then, and it’s still surreal to even think about. May God Bless America… we’re gonna need it, especially after this election!

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Happy Labor Day!

I hope no one is laboring on this holiday of labor… but if you are, make it a good one. I’m in the midst of banging my head against a wall back in Italian class… this will be my last semester of Italian, and it was 3 semesters too many! Whitney and languages are like dogs and cats, except with a bit less barking and teeth gnashing… scratch that… a bit MORE barking and teeth gnashing. My brain only holds information that interests me apparently. And since we NEVER talk about pizza and spaghetti and the beautiful Italian countryside in the actual Italian class, I mostly just sing “This Is The Song That Never Ends” over and over on repeat silently in my brain folds. Picking a major that requires 5 semesters of a foreign language was probably not my brightest move. The gift of tongues was not in my gift bag on the day of my birth, I’ll tell you that right now! The gift of teeth gnashing, on the other hand, was given to me in spades!!

The other class I have is my last requirement for my English minor… Perspectives in Literature. I’ve taken an English class from this particular professor before and he was 12 kinds of sweet to me, so he best step up his sweet game… aka give me an A+! It’s a lot of reading, so we’ll see if I can manage to reign in my ADD brain.

In other news, a few nights ago there was a mini tornado (aka the wind just blew really hard) and knocked several large branches out of the 800 old trees in the yard, so now I’m sporting 3 blisters/pressure sores in the web spaces between my thumb and forefinger from maneuvering a rake/broom for too long. They should really put a disclaimer on those rakes/brooms… DISCLAIMER: Do not use if you have the skin of a wimpy fairy lepper! I’m pretty sure normal people with normal skin would not have the same issues. Hear!? Meanwhile, some poor person in Africa is sweeping their dirt floor with a digdabbed porcupine fashioned into a broom… SHUT IT, WHITNEY!

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Here’s some BoBo cake bonus footage wherein he gets upset that people are ruining his precious kitty cat cake! For the love of kitty cats, leave cake kitty alone!!


Lookit my new cows, errybody… I gonna be in the rodeo!

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BoBo Es El Numero UNO…

Coherent is not in my vocabulary this morning, so we’ll have to deal with incoherent without a bottle of no-doze! Guess who turned number one this past week!?!? No, the answer is not Whitney’s bottle of Worcestershire sauce. Baby BoBo! He’s pretty much geezering up the joint. Lindsay couldn’t pass up the opportunity to throw a shindig to remember! I mean, BoBo won’t remember it because he’s a baby… but I ate a dagnabbed 4 bites of burnt steak so I’m sure to remember this occasion FOREVER!!

BoBo’s job was to hold up his birthday sign in the yard. He lasted approximately 3 seconds and then we had to bring in the fishing line reinforcements.


There were games with famous people… Wolverine flew in to play darts… aka Big Bro Ethan with dart fingers.


Big Bro Christian got the enviable task of grilling the 3 kinds of meat… THREE!!!!! It was like a meat-a-ganza up in that joint! (PS – this stellar guy could still use your prayers… he didn’t get great diagnosis news… yet he still seems to be schooling us all in the art of how to live your life trusting the Lord’s plan. My money’s on him!)


This is obviously pre-party-goers, and yet again, the rotted deck did not fall through with all of the people on it! Blast the luck!


Lookit… my daddy made me this kitty cat cakes… I liked the ears and eyeballs the best!


But pretty soon, I went into a cake-eating coma!


Oh, did you want a piece too? Better luck next year!


The aftermath!


Happy Birfday, Baby BoBo the Magnificent! Don’t hurry to #2, please!

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Lost count of the days, but I’m still sugar-free… mostly because I don’t trust myself if I were to add it back in. I’ve learned over the years with me it’s all or nothing… addictive personalities for the lose! If anyone needs me I’ll be searching for an edible sugar-free cookie… I said EDIBLE!

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Honorary Redneck…

Hey y’all… I’m okay… I just swallowed a baby moth-like creature, but other than that I’m fixin’ to be pretty mediocre. Mediocrity is my gig… if it requires work to be exceptional, I’d rather live here in Mediocrity-ville. Ambition… it’s what’s for dinner.

In other news, this past weekend was our annual Kayla and Corbin sleepover shindig wherein we usually end up lamenting the downfall of our favorite miniature golf place… may she rest in peace. This year it also happened to land on the weekend of the Cache County Fair… or as I like to think of it, that one time a year where I meet all the people who wear dental floss as an actual outfit. As the kids say these days, they be on fleek, yo! Do the kids say that? I’m so out of the loop. Get back to me on that, kids who be fleeky!

The plan was to let them pick out 2 rickety carnival-like rides whilst Whitney and company counted the amount of booty shorts within a 3-mile radius. 852 is your answer. They picked the ferris wheel and this swing-like ride called the Yo Yo as the ones that looked the least scary. In other news, I picked the corn on the cob line as the one that looked the least scary.

After the Redneckville parade, there was a trip to McDonald’s and a Spy Kids movie marathon on Amazon Prime. The next morning there was a trip to the farmer’s market for some tomatoes, peaches, and corn on the cob, a miniature golf date wherein I discovered that I’m the next Tigress Woods if she played miniature golf mediocrely. Subway at the park for lunch followed… by the park I really mean the swamp. It seems that a sprinkler pipe burst or something and the entire lawn was submerged in 3 inches of water… there is nothing more pleasant than walking around for the rest of the day in squishy shoes and wet socks. GROSS!!! Madre kept saying that’s just how they water it, but I’m gonna say that’s a big no on a Saturday in the summer in a park where kids play!

Thanks for playing Makayla and Corbin… keep your hands and feet inside the crazy train at all times!

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Thank you for the prayers and well wishes for sweet Christian. He goes in today (Monday) to hopefully find out the results of the bone samples they took last week, so they’ll know which kind of leukemia it is. These boys are the coolest y’all!


BoBo’s like, hey big bros… let’s have a conversation!

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Finally…

I feel like I complain for 12 paragraphs in my blog lately and it’s annoying me so I can only imagine how much it must annoy other people, thus the sporadic posting… I think I could categorize my writing style as nonsensical complaininess with a few big point Scrabble words thrown in for smartness points… but really in my mind it’s more just blabbering about things I don’t want to do but have to do anyway, y’all hear? If that doesn’t make sense just take 2 Valium and then reread the paragraph… after it kicks in of course. But don’t really… this blog does not condone substance abuse… unless it’s chocolate or cheese… or bread… then by all means, substance abuse away! Meanwhile, some poor kid in Africa is sleeping on a pile of garbage… SHUT IT, Whitney!

This week marks finals week… OH THE HORRORS… aka Whitney has procrasternated all of her big projects and now she gets to pull 5 all-nighters in a row… this coming Friday at 11:59 p.m. there will be a sleeping shindig courtesy of my bed. Anyone is welcome to come as long as you are just here in spirit… I don’t really want you here in person… how’s that for a party!? Bring the cheese dip!

I feel like I should just take 2 deep breaths and jump into the fray but I’m feeling overwhelmed, so instead I’ll just play match the magical fruits on my phone for 62 hours and not do anything worthwhile. OH THE HORRORS of my nonworking brain space!

But on a positive note, this Friday at 11:59 MDT, I will be burning my physics book and never entering a physics class as long as I live! BYE PHYSICS!! Oh the joy!!!!!!!! If I can make it through this week of physics projects first…

If anyone needs me, knock 3 times on the imaginary door in your imagination and I’ll be sure to answer it within the next 2 weeks. You can’t expect me to be prompt… I’m sugar deprived!!

DAYS SUGAR-FREE COUNT: Uhhhh… I’ve lost count… nearly 3 months? We rounded up a week. I unlazied myself to look at my last post… DAY 84! Take that and smoke it!

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Happy Belated birthday to my sweet Madre this past Monday! On Wednesday we went on a summer funday shindig to celebrate… Tony Grove, Bear Lake, and Hairspray at Pickleville Playhouse! Very cute! I would highly recommend it!

PS – In things that actually matter news, if you are of the praying variety, would you please send some prayers up for my sweet step-nephew, Christian!? He was sent home from his mission on Friday on medical leave to figure out what is wrong with him… it’s looking like the dreaded “C” word, or more specifically leukemia. If anyone can take on that beast it’s this stellar guy!! We love you, Christian!!!!!


BoBo and his big bro, Christian from January… this is the day he left on his mission.

BoBo practicing for the all-night sleeping party!


Heys everyones… I plays in the waters!

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Mothballs and Geezer Teenagedom…

You know how when your dental hygienest recommends you to use a certain mouthwash, so you’ve been using it for years and you kind of love the way it makes your mouth feel all sparkly fresh? But then you know how years after you’ve been using this certain mouthwash every single day and then you go to a different dental hygienest who tells you that you shouldn’t be using that mouthwash because it has alcohol in it and alcohol is damaging to your teeth… and blah, blah, blah. You know? No one? coughcoughNOONECAREScoughcough. The new dental hygienest recommended a different kind of mouthwash to use because it’s alcohol-free and the dentist uses it too… and to boot IT’S PURPLE!!!! I’ve been using the new mouthwash now for the last month… and I have to say I HATE it with a passion of 72 cumquats! You know how when you get some rotten mothballs out of the attic, soak them in a pint of water, and then drink the water… THAT there is how this mouthwash tastes… NASTY! But I bought the huge bottle of it and dental hygienests are NEVER wrong (scratch the first one off the list)… so use it I will. In the meantime… DISCLAIMER: I’m a professional mothball eater, do not attempt mothball water at home…

In other equally as non-fascinating news, last week was record-breaking idiot making on my part. I mentioned last week I had 4 proctored tests to take due to my procrastination skillz and general lack of motivation to read anything textbook in the summer. I’m on a strike… it’s called Idiots Striking Common Sense. I’m not only a member, I’m the club president. So I pulled off late study nights and constant nightly reading sessions and by the end of the week I was spent and the teenage students running the proctored testing center all knew me by name. And to think finals week isn’t for 2 more weeks! Get used to it teenagers… Whitney is geezering her way to your center at least 6 more times in the next 3 weeks! Y’all celebrate my geezer teenagedom! Also, physics still sucks but they just discovered gravitational waves this year so I mean we’re living in a totes exciting physics time right now… and by exciting I really mean… SNORRRREEEEEE! Let me know when they discover sugar that isn’t sugar but still tastes like sugar! Momma wants a dagnabbed non-sugar-free sugar cookie with frosting and sprinkles and maybe a brownie with real chocolate frosting. Get on that physicists… make your mark in the world of Whitney’s Excitements! Did I mention it’s day 71 of sugar-freeness? Good. This week’s temptations included the aforementioned sugar cookies and a frigging chocolate sheet cake that I almost buried my entire face into.

PS – Happy Pioneer Day, Utah! I hope your celebrations include sugar and maybe a firework or three!

PPS – Happy 16th birthday to my nephew, Ethan tomorrow! Laws almighty… 16 already!? The roads of Utah welcome you to the driving club!


Baby BoBo knows he’s the coolest dude in school… him and hims glasses and gap teeth! You go, my baby!


Oh look… here’s my goodest pal, Harley! Meanwhile, Harley could not be less enthused!

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