My Little Red Wagon…

Short and sweet tonight. I’m supposed to be trying to finish up my final folklore collection project and paper due today and have to wake up in 12-1/2 minutes to sit in the dentist chair for 5 years. Oh teeth… birds have it made in the shade… they can fly and they have no dagnabbed teeth! The worm thing is a little disconcerting, but I digress.

Back in the olden years of Whitney and sister Lindsay, we had a little red wagon that we would tie to the back of our bikes and tear through the trailer court carrying all sorts of treasured items, stuffed animals, tea pots, nekked and immodest and anatomically incorrect Barbies… you know, things all little girls dream of. It would always tip over around every turn, so we’d stop in the middle of the road to pick up all of our treasures and play dodge the speeding car… oh memories. As we grew older, the wagon remained, but it also rusted out and lost its sheen, the wheels became shredded, and the brightness of the fire engine red faded to a putrid mauve-ish color. Kind of exactly like Whitney, but with more wheels and way less teeth (stay tuned… give me 20 years).

Before BoBo was bourne (bwahahaha… see what I did there?), my dad dug the rusted piece of junk out of the shed, cleaned it up, repainted it, put new wheels on it, and gave it to him. The little red wagon lives on… I hope BoBo uses it for all of his treasured items too… Bring it, BoBo!


See my teefins… Oh BoBo… be a bird!


SPRING!!!!!!!! It smells so glorious standing next to these trees… my allergies don’t agree, but I sure do!

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Be A Rhinoceros…

The above picture has been going around the internet meant as a source of inspiration to follow one’s dreams for years now. I’ve seen many a person post it to their social media accounts and/or blogs as a way to motivate themselves and others. My opinion on this supposedly innocent little inspirational picture… I HATE it! Not only that, I also find it dangerous, and like most/ALL of the political candidates this year, it’s also serving only to subliminally plant evil vibes of low self-esteem and even lower self-worth. In short… IT SUCKS!

Explain yourself, Whitney! It’s a happy rhinoceros chasing his dream of becoming a gallant unicornhorse majig with a luxurious mane and tail, slim and strong, heroic and beautiful. There’s only one problem… that rhinoceros isn’t a unicorn… he will never be a unicorn… no matter how many laps he does on that treadmill or how many biceps curls he does at the gym. He will never have a luxurious mane or tail, and he will never grow a horn of such beauty and majesty. He won’t. He’ll always be a beautiful, gallant rhinoceros!! End of story!

And you know what, that’s a beautiful thing. He wasn’t meant to be a unicorn… he was put on this Earth to be a rhinoceros… and his goal in this life is to become the best dighibbed rhinoceros he can be. He can run on that treadmill to become a healthier, trimmer rhino… but he’s always going to be a rhino. Embrace yourself, sweet rhino. You have so many things to offer this world that the unicornhorse majig doesn’t. People need your rhino skills and your rhino personality. They need you to be you… because there’s no one on this Earth just like you… and that makes you dagnabbed special. Never forget that!

Be a rhinoceros, my friends… because you’re awesome… and also, unicorns don’t exist!

*****

Lookit my Baby BoBo… hims wants to eat cat ears for dinner! Give it to him, Lindsay!

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Fuzzy Brain Syndrome…

Y’all… don’t worry about me, my folks are in Italy at the moment and have been texting me very inappropriate pictures of nekked statues. Just because you’re a statue from a bajillion years ago does not mean you get a pass from wearing clothes! The HUMANITY! Alert the church elders! With parents like that it’s no wonder I turned out the way I did! Thank you, Mr. Rogers… and BoB Ross.. and Jem and the Holograms…

In other news, I’m a mess! What’s that you say? How is that any different than any other day. Sit down, smarty pantaloons! I’m messier than normal, which should down right scare the bejeebers out of Northern Utah and surrounding states. I’m having a particularly bad case of fuzzy brain syndrome. Just this weekend, I’ve managed to give away tickets to a concert to a friend wherein I told her the wrong date for the concert… during a visit with a friend (hi Audrey), I managed to call her the wrong name a few times… I forgot to bring my debit card when I went to lunch with a friend and she had to pay and now I’m sure she’s having 2nd thoughts about being my friend (the money is in the mail)… and then there was the incident with the police officer. I’m not a fan of running into police officers. It’s not that I’m not grateful for the work they do… it’s just, you see, I’m intimidated by authority figures. I’m the type of girl who will try to blend into the wall to avoid being called out by someone in charge.

Short story long… on Saturday I was filling up my gas tank at the new Maverick downtown. I was the only one at any of the tanks, and so there were 800 empty places for people to fill up that weren’t the same tank I was at. But no, this police officer pulls right up to the exact same tank I’m at, but on the other side. I would have given him a talking to, but that would require some pretty strong alcoholic beverages and perhaps a couple of Valiums. I’m all trying to stare at everything but this police officer, and so I pretended I was picking the 7 billion blobs of bird doo off of my windshield (thank you magpies)! After what seemed like a katrillion years, my tank finally finished and I proceeded to remove the nozzle hose majig and put it back on the tank. When done, I then had to answer questions about wanting a receipt and/or a car wash, and I was all flustered because I just wanted to leave.

I finally got into my car and started pulling away from the tank when all of a sudden the police officer came running at me right in front of my dagnabbed car (which was moving by the way), waving his arms. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?! Is “too much bird doo on car” a felony now!? I was perplexed because I had made sure I’d fastened my seatbelt and I was going like 1 mph at the moment, so I certainly was not speeding, and it was the middle of the day so none of my headlights or taillights were burnt out… I certainly haven’t been in a drug bust recently… and I made sure to hide all of my open Ovaltine containers! WHAT GIVES!?!?

I tremblingly rolled down my window and must have looked like a frightened DoDo bird with my mouth all hanging open and my lips trembling because I’m about to cry…

“Ma’am, you forgot to put the lid on your gas tank and close the cover.” He said.

Oh…

Ain’t it glorious to be an overreacting woman species, y’all!? I then forgot to put my car in park before I tried to get out, but his legs are fine everyone… GOSH!

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BoBo and hims teefins pic Of The Week:

 

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the passing of my sweet sweet friend, Janell Fowers.  What a beautiful spirit who is now free from all of her earthly burdens.  She was always so kind to remember me and give me a call to talk her favorite topics, vacuums and Roto Rooter… and to just ask how I was and how my family was.  We also always had a laugh about her having to wear headphones whenever I’d do a musical number in church because I was “too loud!”  My family agrees with you, Janell!   I learned so much from her ability to accept everyone for who they were.  I was definitely not the friend to her that she was to me, but maybe that’s something I needed to learn.  Thank you, Janell! I love you!  You are an angel now, sweet girl!  Much love, prayers, and hugs to her family and friends.

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The End Of Three Eras…

Back when I first graduated high school in the late 1800s, I quit my Western Watts telemarketing job and got me 2 new jobs to add to my Freshman full time college resume. I got a job working at the local movie theaters (yes, there were 3 I worked at), and I also got me a job at K-Mart (or as we used to call it Kame-apart). I worked at K-Mart for at least 6 or so years until I couldn’t stand hefting my 500+-pound body on my feet all day long. In the years I worked at K-Mart, I was a cashier, shelf stocker, truck unloader, Electronics and Sporting Goods Department worker, Layaway worker, and my favorite (unless it was 12,000-degrees outside) was garden shop worker, where-in I worked outside all day watering plants and hefting manure, dirt, and cinder blocks into the back of cars. It was amusing the things people couldn’t grasp about the weight of cinder blocks versus their 3-inch Volkswagen Bug and the fact that if you got too many in the trunk, you’d be dragging the back of the car against the road all the way home… kind of like the 3rd little piggie crying wee wee wee, but much different with more cussing. One dude wanted to put a whole pallet of cinder blocks into his mini truck. Let’s just say… hope he had good insurance! I digress… TANGENT ALERT!!!!

I have good memories of working at K-Mart, even amidst the bad ones, so when I learned earlier this year that it would be closing its doors for good, I had to take a moment to mourn.

I went in on Saturday to pay my respects. It was like a ghost town, almost empty except for some merchandise marked to 80% off in the middle of the store.

I even ran into an old co-worker who was still working there and remembered me from 15+ years ago. She said that she shouldn’t have worn makeup as she’d been crying. She’d worked there for nearly 30 years! Hasta lavista, K-Mart! May your cinder block idiots live on in another town.

*****

In other news… this is Old Main Hill up at Utah State University…

Do we notice anything slightly odd about it? This really seems like something I would do. Apparently, this past fall, some groundskeeper/student worker accidentally sprayed the left half of the lawn with grass killer instead of weed killer. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That picture doesn’t do it justice, but you get the gist of it. Every time I drive past it, I feel sorry for it and then I immediately start laughing… because like I mentioned earlier… TOTALLY SOMETHING I WOULD DO! Welcome spring students… we are offering a scholarship in grass killing 1010.

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My cuzzin JenJen came up for a quick jaunt to attend her mother’s wedding this weekend. She had a super busy schedule, so I had to make an appointment to hang out with them when she arrived on Thursday afternoon/evening. This is the first time I got to meet sweet little Baby Livia! Awwwww… sweet little Livia…

I agree, mother… don’t make that face or your face will freeze that way! Oh lawsy pantaloons.

We all went out for an evening jaunt (aka try to wear out the babies session) where-in Whitney got distracted by blooming things and canal water (what!?! I’m in mourning over my canal water shortage).

We tried to get BoBo and Livia to bond… but BoBo is more interested in bonding with Auntie Whitty Woo’s owly owl camera phone.

I don’t blame you, BoBo… owly owls are pretty awesome!

Livia is all calm as a pumpkin and BoBo is intent on poking her eyes out and eating her head… right after he finishes kicking her. Oh BoBo, you rascal…

Thanks for clearing your schedule some for me, dear JenJen!! Sure loved seeing you guys for a few hours… even if no one made me any donuts… or gluten free, soy free, dairy free, egg free, magical fairy free pancakes.

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Crapcorn…

I went to baby animal days at the American West Heritage joint here in town this past Friday. They’ve held it for years, but I’ve never been on account of the fact that it’s really geared towards kids, and the last time I had a kid was on the 32nd of Neverember. Lindsay and BoBo had been visiting all week, so we took the opportunity to expose him to bajillions of kid and baby animal germs. You are welcome! I knew I was in for a treat when one of the first things I see was this:

Stroller parking is perfectly normal… this was just part of the parking lot for strollers… there were several more. I needed a new set of wheels myself… I should’ve grand theft autoed that red one! Strorvette, y’all!

Baby BoBo was such a ham… ham… get it!? Oh my laws, stop it Whitney… the amount of slaying going on up in here is way too much for a Mondee morning! He definitely knows how to find the camera whenever there is one around. You can just call him George Clooney from here on out.

If I’m being honest, I mostly felt really bad for the poor baby animals. Thousands of kids trying to snap their necks off all day is, I’m sure, not their idea of a good old-fashioned shindig. Plus, those piggies are obviously introvert piggies… trying to hide underneath the straw to restore their introvert energy shields. Baby animal psychology 1010… look it up!

Baby BoBo was all like… oh hi, Calf… let me pull your ears off.

GIVE ME THE CHICKIE!!!


The above is a video of BoBo getting extremely frustrated that he can’t hold the danged chickie… YOU EVIL PEOPLE, YOU!

This here baby duckling is lucky to be alive… I predicted using it’s neck as a handle on a rattle if he’d been given the opportunity.

BoBo is like… oh, do you have the camera on!?

Good times… except for one small problem. There were food booths in one section of the shindig wherein they sold lunch and snacks… things like large bags of popcorn/kettle corn where all 5 kids in the family after rubbing up all over animals who had been rubbing up in their own crap all day then stuck their grimey hands into said bags of popcorn (I, of course, renamed them to CRAPCORN because it was accurate!) I almost drank my entire bottle of hand sanitizer having to witness all of these traumatizing events… I MEAN, FOR THE LOVE OF CRAPCORN!

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Chicken Bumper Cars…

You will definitely thank me later for not blogging about having to clean up someone else’s overflowed bathroom receptacle (yes, I’m a proper lady) in my bathroom this weekend.  You will also thank me for not going into the nastiness of it all… YOU ARE WELCOME!  Now, excuse me while I go dunk my entire head with the eyeballs open into a bucket of Clorox!  No, I never overreact… why do you ask!?

In semi-related news, Lindsay, Shayne, Ethan, and Baby BoBo were here this weekend!  Lindsay doesn’t get out of the house much, so on Saturday, Lindsay, Madre, and I hopped into the vehicle to head out on the town!  Woot woot… party brigade at 2:00 in the afternoon!  We went to the grocery store and Chik-Fil-A, so I mean, pin a denture cream tube to my Depends and call me Grizelda!  While paying for our purchase at the Chik-Fil-A drive through sitting in the backseat, I managed to slam my head into the back of the seat in front of me… because everyone knows my head is almost 90% bobblehead.  I can’t say I didn’t have help on account of the fact that the car behind us decided to run into us.  LOL!  Seriously!?  In the drive through!?  Lindsay, of course, turns into Magnum P.I. in her quest to decide what this lady’s problem is.  We finished getting our order and decided to pull up into the parking lot and wait for the lady to get her order so that we could discuss the bumper car ordeal over diet lemonades that I’m sure all wanted to be spiked with Jack Daniels.

Lindsay, as the driver, could see the lady through the rear view mirror, so kept giving us really valuable updates like… “She ordered ice cream.”  “She’s sipping on her ice cream.”  “She’s sitting there sipping on her danged ice cream.”  What the hell is she sipping on her danged ice cream for!?”  So, I mean, I was totally enlightened.  Had a real good feel for who this woman was.  Coming to Chik-Fil-A to order ice cream!  No wonder she ran into our bumper!

Apparently, the lady wasn’t in a very talkative mood because she held back and didn’t pull her car up next to us to chat.  She hid behind a different row of cars until we moved a bit further away, and then she got out of her car (most likely still sipping on her ice cream) to check out the damage done to the front of her car, and then she got right back in and drove away!  LOL!!!!!!!!!  Sipping her danged ice cream!  Luckily there wasn’t a whole lot of damage to the back bumper… but still… it’s proper to you know… not hit and run.

For the rest of the day, at the grocery store, playing dominoes, sitting around, Lindsay would out of the blue say things like, She was just sitting there sipping on her danged ice cream!  It was almost as bad as the bathroom receptacle ordeal I mentioned earlier, except NOT AT ALL NEAR AS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at my Baby BoBo… hims is ready to be in the Top Gun sequel… get it, BoBo! This is the time when he was supposed to be in bed asleep but cried for an hour so that he could come out and play Dominoes with the old people… and then he was as happy as could be. Oh BoBo… he knows how to partay!

BoBo and I had some bonding time wherein he tried to pull out all 4 strands of my hair! Three survived…


BoBo’s like… Look, me and Elmo matches!

I hope you and your families all had a happy Easter weekend. Did you do anything fun?

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The Passion For Sprinter…

Y’all… it’s that time of year again, the time of year where the weather decides to go all apetastic trying to decide which season it’s going to be. Sprinter = Spring plus Winter… ta da. The beginning of the week last week there was snow and cold wind for several days in a row, by the weekend, we were pushing 50-60 and sunny… Tuesday it’s back down to 30-40 and rainy/snowy. It’s like weather whiplash, except with less involved necks and other body parts. I thought I could go out on my walks wearing a light jacket… and then the cold wind whipped me across the face like an angered hooker on the Jerry Spring show and told me a thing or twelve. THE HUMANITY! Yes, I do realize this happens every year and yes I do realize it’s nothing new, but each year it’s like a whole brand new surprise for me… kind of like my parents telling me every year (still) that there is no Santa Claus… WHAT!?!?!? You’ve got to be kidding me! I saw the reindeer tracks!!!!!

In other news, tonight we watched my-much-anticipated-even-if-everyone-else-was-making-fun-of-me, “The Passion: New Orleans Live”! What is The Passion: Live? It is a live musical telling the story of the happenings of Jesus days before his death and resurrection, but in modern times and using modern rock/pop music and clothes and hairstyles and… you get the picture. Some people said that telling this sacred story using modern things was disrespectful. My opinion… a story about love and kindness and selflessness, no matter how it’s portrayed, needs to be told… and often. This story juxtaposed amidst the 12,000 ranting political commercials where there was enough bashing and name-calling to fill a whole Jerry Springer season made the lame-bot political commercials 10 times more trivial and ridiculous and unnecessary! Have I mentioned how much I love election season!?!? Good… because I DON’T!

I bought the soundtrack on Friday when it came out and listened to it on my cold whipping wind walking session, and I teared up approximately 15 times walking down the road. I’m a sucker for those emotional lyrics, and even if these songs were modern songs, most written with no thought to the story of Jesus, the lyrics fit each situation perfectly… so perfectly that it made me wonder if the writers had subliminally written the song with The Passoin in mind… back in the 90s and 2000s. As an example, one of the songs sung by Trisha Yearwood who played Mary, Mother of Jesus was “Broken” originally written and sung by the band Lifehouse. She sang the song at the foot of the cross having to watch her son suffering…

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to you

By the end of the song, having gotten caught up in the emotion of it all, Trisha’s voice was on the verge of breaking as she tried to hold back her tears.

There was the song “Bring Me To Life” originally sung by Evanescence taken on by American Idol alum, Chris Daughtery who was playing the betraying disciple Judas.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Perfectly portraying the struggle within himself.  Other standouts were Seal as Pontius Pilate singing “Mad World” after he washed his hands of the decision to have Christ put to death and Jencarlos Canela as Jesus singing the Katy Perry tune, “Unconditionally” after he was resurrected.

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

My complaints… breaking away to commercial, breaking away to the reporter interviewing some of the group of people carrying the 300-pound cross through downtown New Orleans, and some of the narration took mew away from the story and the music some… but those are nitpicky things.  Anyway, before I wax more non-poetic, I’m shutting the trap.  Check out the soundtrack and/or watch the show when it comes out on NetFlix in a few days.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Did anyone else see The Passion?  If so, what are your thoughts on it all? 

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Hi everybody… I BoBo… my mommy is a big nerd putting these curlers all over me… but they sure are tasty!

Now I eating prunes cause I have 2 teethins now!

Happy Sprinter friends!

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