We are a society that celebrates everything, big or small, with… FOOD! Hi, so you got up this morning… have a triple cheeseburger with lard sauce. You aced that test… let’s go get 15 scoops of ice cream and make sure we have them just glue it to your hindquarters. Eating, eating, eating, eating, and eating. That’s what we do as a society. We plan parties around food, holidays around food, vacations around food, everyday occurrences around food. Some of you are saying… duh, Whitney (yah… I ain’t deaf, I hear you), we need to eat food everyday to survive. Of course we have to eat to live… but this is bordering on living to eat… BIG difference. Cuff me, Officer All-You-Can-Eat Buffet… I am possibly the WORST offender of the bunch. I remember even celebrating weight loss when I was 7 with food. LOL!! How dumb can that be? But, I did. My mom would drop me off at home after the Weight Watcher’s meeting and I’d head straight to the freezer for some mega-sized scoops of ice cream. I lost a pound… I have to celebrate with some chocolatey frozen goodness… right!? Absolutely, say the spirits of Ben and Jerry!
It’s been challenging stopping that cycle while I’ve been calorizing. I lose 208 pounds and suddenly I’m deserving of all the crap I used to feed myself before. Gotta celebrate the successes… and I’m too fixed on food to figure out that there are other things that are reward worthy. I’d rather eat a cinnamon roll the size of my head than buy a new pen… BORING! Whereas the head-sized cinnamon roll has frosting and they sprinkle nuts on the top in the shape of a smiley face!!!! Note: They actually do make cinnamon rolls the size of your head… I even ate one this weekend… 900 FREAKING calories for that whole sucker… 900! I walked to the Canadian border and back to exercise those calories off… worth it… eh… but I’ve always wanted to go to Canada.
It may be helpful for me to break up the rest of the weight I have to lose into 10-pound goals… and then every time I reach one of those goals, I get to pick a reward (NONFOOD related!)… that way I don’t find myself ordering the 36-inch pizza with extra cheese because I lost 1.8 pounds last week.
In other semi-related news… I found a new exercise to try! On Saturday I went to Ross, Dress for Less or as I like to call it, Ross, Things I Could Need Less But Buy Anyway Because They Have A SALE Sticker For Three Dollars Off The Original Already Inflated Price. Phew… you can already see why they chose to go with the abbreviated name… couldn’t find a sign big enough to fit the ACTUAL name. So, I was shopping in that store and came across some boxing gloves… and could I even believe my slightly cataract eyes… they were on sale for 15 dollars… 15!! Well, obviously I had to scoop up that deal… you can’t beat 15 dollars for the chance to beat someone in the head with a pair of padded mittens… that there is PRICELESS!!
Yah… the 21-year-old geezer cat was even excited about the purchase until I mentioned that she was going to be my sparring partner… never seen that cat get up and go that fast in years! So far, I haven’t found anyone willing to stand really still like and allow me to hit them in the head with my padded mittens. Any readers want to volunteer? I hear it doesn’t do too much harm… according to this interview I saw with Mike Tyson… pretty sure he could still ACE the Kindergarten competency tests! I’ll keep waiting for my sparring partner to come forward.
In the meantime… gonna have to eventually change the title of this post to CONGRATULATIONS… here’s some Lard-OFF… buy a new outfit and keep the same-sized butt!
Question of the Day: What are some of the nonfood-related things that you use to reward yourself with? (I need idears, people!)