Whitney’s Playlist Wednesday – Firework

You’ll have to excuse me today… somehow I caught the dreaded heebie jeebie cruditis disgustingness with a side order of bronchitis (probably from an unsanitized shopping cart handle… take note fellow Americans) and my head is so clogged with goobers, I can’t remember my name half the time.  Was it Willie?  Yes… Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory… that’s me.  Excuse me for a year while I daydream about living in a chocolate factory (a nonevil one without those freaky oompa loompas… childhood nightmare alert!!)

For today’s playlist song I picked “Firework” by Katy Perry because it’s got some great “find that cruditis within you and let it burst” lyrics.  Except, not as gross as that sounds. 

I’ve felt very unfulfilled for all of my adult life.  From 18 on, it’s like I regressed into this shell of a human being.  I was going through the motions… get up… go to work… come home… go to bed… and oh, yes… there was eating!  You don’t get to 530 pounds by studying to become an anorexic.  I used my weight as an excuse for not doing more… not that my weight did not limit what I was able to do… it did.  What most people take for granted I could not do… go to a concert where the chairs have arms… sit in a booth at a restaurant… put on a seatbelt in a car… walk for very far… tie my dang shoelaces… etc., etc., etc.  The world isn’t meant for someone who weighs 530 pounds.  Plus, I never wanted to see anyone… especially someone I knew.  What did I have to talk to them about?  I was ashamed and embarrassed of myself and I didn’t want other people to have the chance to “know” me.  I didn’t like me… how the heck was anyone else going to like me?  People can be cruel and whenever I would venture out I would get so many comments, stares, finger pointing, whispering, etc., that all I wanted to do was disappear into the ground.  In short, I was a mess… emotionally and physically. 

This song is awesome because it speaks about destiny and that it’s never too late to find that spark deep down inside you.  It may be covered up with fat or hurt or illness or an oompa loompa, but it’s there.  I needed to find my spark and set it free (man, this is totally starting to sound like a Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie of the Week here or something… cue the cheesetastic music).  That said… I don’t regret the years of alone and despair because it gave me a chance to get to know myself… to really know what I wanted that spark to grow into… and maybe my firework wasn’t supposed to burst until this time in my life.  As I sit here, I’m pretty sure I’ve found the spark… but the spark ain’t burst yet.  I am not a multitasker.  I aim to conquer one thing at a time and then I can move onto the next one on the list.  Weight demons… you be first… but I’m already making up my list for the next thing to conquer!  

Stay tuned for the firework show, people!   

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

 Chorus:
‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, ah
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, ah
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down

 

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

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8 Comments

Filed under Whitney's Playlist

8 responses to “Whitney’s Playlist Wednesday – Firework

  1. Lindsay

    AAAAhhhhh Whitty pooh pooh you made me shed a tear I hate remembering your PAST LIFE! I just like remembering NOW! Keep up good work even with your boogers and all!

    Love you!

    Lindsay (your sis)

  2. MJ5898

    Wow Whitney, you really hit the proverbial nail on the head with this one! I could have totally written this post – except for all the clever bits – mainly just the part about avoiding people, having to be concerned with every place you go whether you will fit in the seat, through the aisle, how far you will have to walk, etc as this has been most of my adult life too. Back in law school, my best friend was a fairly thin guy. He used to make sure I ate better and got some exercise – we would eat grilled chicken breast with rice and diet coke at a local roadhouse and a lot of spaghetti with marinara and “dry” breadsticks from a local pasta place. We also walked around town or the mall a lot. You would have expected me to lose weight. The trouble was, I was good WHILE I WAS WITH HIM – this relationship made me a huge closet eater. Once I would drop him off for the night, I would hit the local drive-through and get a couple comfort meals for home. Anyway, never told anyone about that – guess you made me open up…So as I packed on the pounds, all those little things in life that people just do because huge obstacles for me. I can hardly wait until I can buy season tickets to our local college basketball team and not sweat trying to sit to watch the games. Oh yes, back to the post – Firework is totally on my iPOD along with a few other Katy songs. Not all of which have the same inspiring lyrics, but they have a great beat and I find I need a lot of really fast tunes to keep me moving at a good clip when I walk. Hope you have a fantastic Wednesday!!!

    • Oh, MJ… how alike we were! I too did the whole comfort meal thing at several fast food stops… not just one, mind you… I’d go to 2 or 3! And AMEN being able to sit in one of those sporting events chairs comfortably. We miss so much! Keep it up, girlie… you are on your way to those season tickets!

  3. Chantal

    Yep I know the feeling! I started to be sick last night! Oh well! Also felt like you about not wanting to see people I know and seeing me that way…

    FIREWORK!!!You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine!!!

    Keep them coming… Luv your post once again!

  4. Karen

    Great words! We all need that firework at some time in our life. Look forward to your post every morning. Great humor and great sharing!

  5. Jen

    Your post today was so inspiring. I hope you know how talented you are. You have so much to share with and teach others!

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