Personally, I think that statiticians just make up numbers… the higher the number, the more hysteria from the masses. I’ve always read studies that would say things like, ‘80% to 95% of “die”ters will gain all their weight back and more.’ How depressing is that!?!? Seriously now. Makes a gal just want to drop everything and take up refuge at the local Chuck-A-Rama! (Ya’ll who live in Cache Valley… how the heck long is it going to take for them to finish our Chuck-A-Rama… I swear they’ve been working on it since 1996 and they just barely put the door hinges on! How’s a girl supposed to chuck up-a-rama when there ain’t any food in it yet? I guess I could go and sit in the parking lot, snacking on wood shavings and getting quite the view of plumber’s crack, George until they finally open the dagnabbed doors!)
Tangent alert… I don’t have ADD, why do you ask? What were we talking about? Oh, yes… quackticians. So, they’re telling me that 95% of people who lose weight gain their weight back? I know I was in that group at least one time (remember the ill-advised gastric bypass surgery) and was not lucky enough to be the elite 5% who kept it off for good. But, I totally have figured out why. The magic wand I used was broken and the doctor who did my surgery had a horrible bedside manner!!! I smell Sue-age! Judge Judy… keep your doors open! Now that I’m done blaming the wrong people, here’s the truth… I went about it the wrong way. It was just another “die”t destined to fail. I didn’t exercise at all (unless you count bending over to scrub my feet in the shower every day) and I didn’t have a handle on why I overate to begin with. “Die”ts are seen as temporary things… you starve yourself for an extended period of time and once you lose the desired weight, you can go right back to your regular lifestyle of overeating and sitting in the La-Z-Boy. THAT there is why 95% of “die”ters gain their weight back. It has nothing to do with a person’s willpower… “die”ts are stupid and restricting things might get you the results you want, but don’t be surprised when your La-Z- Boy welcomes you home with open arms. (LOL!! “Die”ts are stupid… how’s that for an argument… take that Harvard Debate Club!!!)
When I was a young’un, my dad would always say, ‘if someone is bothering you… just sit on him/her.’ When I was about 9, this one scrawny, annoying kid would always go around making fun of me. I got fed up with it one day and so I took Dad’s words to heart, wrastled his skinny rump to the ground, and sat on him. I sat there until he was crying for his mommy like a yellow-bellied sapsucker and only then did I finally let him go. Never bothered me a lick after that (Hi Caleb… how is the ole’ back doing?) So, what do I need to do when these lamebutt statistics are bothering me? SIT ON THEM! This time I will be that elite 5% who lose and keep their weight off… you know why? Because my plan is going to be sensible and not restrictive and it will have chocolate and cake and if it takes me twice as long as a restricter to lose the weight… that just insures I’ll be in the Elite 5 for a lifetime. I love you, La-Z-Boy, but I love proving people wrong more!
When walking a few weeks back, I came across this truck with a pretty awesome bumper sticker attached to it… follow this geezer truck’s advice, friends.
Question of the Day: Do statistics make you more or less determined to succeed?
Note: If anyone has a topic they’d like to see me tackle (LOL… tackle), let me know in the comments. I can’t guarantee that I’ll knock the topic out of the park, but I’d be willing to give it a try. (P.S. “Steven Tyler: Is he a Man Who Wears Lipstick” has already been taken!)