Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink… No clue what literary work that comes from… it just sounded real smart like. You can leave my honorary Yale degrees on the table. Fluids are essential for weight loss… but tasteless, colorless, odorless, boringless water all the time? Gadfrey gurney, I’m a square. So, I found me an alternative! It’s delicious, it’s colorful, it tastes like something, and if I drink enough of it I automatically turn into the world’s BEST disco dancer. What could be better!? What is it you ask?
Heck yeah it is!!! I’m talking about me some whiskey… the kind that puts hair on your knuckles and curls yer toes! I usually have me a pint for breakfast and then a couple more pints as a midnight snack when I’m at the karaoke bar. I do a heckuva rendition of “Staying Alive” when I’ve knocked back a few pints. For other health benefits clickey clickster:
A P R I L FREAKING F O O L ‘ S !!
Like I wasn’t going to do anything lame on this pointless holiday… the whole rest of the web does lame April Fool’s jokes… why not the Whitmeister? I also was hoping to give my folks a hemorrhage. How ya’ doin’ ma?
I did want to talk about fluids today… but I’ll stay away from good ole Jack for now. I usually only drink water. Ice water… I put my water bottles in the freezer until they are a nice icy texture and then I drink them… lukewarm water doesn’t taste the same. More often than not, though, I forget I put my water bottles in the freezer and then 16 hours later go to get them out and find an iceberg big enough to have sunk the Titanic… “I’m the Queen of the World!”
When I was shopping at Sam’s Club the other week a lady was giving out samples of a drink I’d never heard of. (FYI, my family only goes to Sam’s Club for the samples… they walk around the store 4 times, trying to blend in and pretend they’ve never been at that sample station before and then are like… free lunch! It’s like a badge of honor for them!) This lady was giving out samples of a drink that had Slenderize on the bottle… of course, I drank it right up… hello… slenderize is what I be trying to do! It was actually pretty tasty… for a no sugar, no sodium, 5- to 10-calorie drink (per serving… I think there are 2 servings per bottle). It has no carbonation, so if you are addicted to that stuff (again, Hi Ma!), this particular drink won’t do anything to quench that craving! Say hello to “Fuze”!
I tried the Tropical Punch one the other day and I quite liked it! Of course it’s more expensive than water would be. I’m going to venture to Sam’s this weekend to see if their mega-sized box costs any less than the single ones did at the grocery store. Plus, according to the label… it has CHROMIUM! Everyone needs their daily supply of chromium… almost as much as riboflavin! Fuze… I give you 8 stars out of 10!
Question of the Day: What is your favorite go-to drink?
NOTE: Hope you all have a fun, SAFE, and happy weekend. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do at the karaoke bar… and make sure you come back on Monday for another week of whackery! Thanks for reading, pals!