Oh my gadfrey gurney in a handbasket of idiocy… I just looked up the phrase easy sell… my picture was smack dab in the middle of the definition, surrounded by fluorescent arrows and fog horns stuck on bursting eardrums! Let me back up the idiocy truck here a minute before I blather on about fog horns for another 20 minutes. The madre happened to be watching TV the other day when this cringe-fomercial comes on. She found it so intriguing that she learned how to use the DVR in seconds (what has taken me YEARS to teach) and recorded the thing. She spent the next 2 days showing it to anyone who had eyeballs and/or ears (you needn’t have had both)… I think the cat even watched it at 3 points.
Cringefomercials can basically talk me into buying a snow maker… me, the girl who despises all things below 50 degrees Fahrenheit… if the cringefomercial was convincing enough, I’d order a Baker’s Dozen one for each room of the house, the car, and my underpants. BUT WAIT… that’s not all… if you order now, we’ll throw in a life-sized sleeping freezer… no more sleeping your nights away under warm blankets when you can crystallize in the privacy of your own sleeping freezer.
This cringefomercial had Oscar-worthy performances and they made it sound like if I didn’t own one, I might as well just curl up into the fetal position and rot away in the septic tank. Who wants to live out the rest of their days in the fetal position? Seriously? So, you see… I HAD to buy it. Here’s the new addition to my collection of stupid things (HAPPY EARLY MOTHER’S DAY, MADRE!):
Ain’t she beautiful? I think I’ll call her Mildred. What is it, you ask? It’s only the greatest invention to we calorizers in the history of the world… move out of the way sliced bread, this be the new King!! It’s called My Salad Chef and if you click on the name right there (or the picture above), it will take you to the official website and you too can watch the cringefomercial of Kings! Basically, with the salad chef, you can make any form of salad in one easy step… stick the vegetable or fruit or whatever you are using onto the top of the lid and then smack the cutter down. Voila! Slices and dices… pretty sure it can still slice your thumb right off too… but in same-sized, neat, and even pieces, unlike those bothersome knives you had to use in the olden days. Of course I got taken on the price of it. The infomercial AND website lists the price as 2 EZ Payments of $19.95, so because I’m really great at math, I know that is approximately $10.00. Somehow, I walked away with a receipt that says $60… and an extra set of blades I didn’t know I needed. Salad chef knows better than I do, so obviously my life will not be complete without the different sized blades… and my salad will NOT taste the same.
Do I need a salad chef? Heck no! Do I smell and look like a sucker? Unfortunately. But, I’ll tell you one thing… I’ll have the best dagnabbed looking salads this side of the Caribbean! Madre… I’m telling you about your early mother’s day gift now, so you will have time to draw up the plans and build an extra room onto your kitchen to store the thing. Get the construction crew to the house… you only have about 2 weeks before Mildred will need a room.
Question of the Day: What was your last idiotic purchase? (please tell me I’m not alone!)