I’m Like Mary Poppins, Except Not So Much…

Since I’m doomed from ever getting any sleep until these dagnabbed Einstein Mice Critters die or move into a new window well, I guess I’ll ramble on this here blog of mine.  Just so you all know… Rodent-phobia (a phobia I just invented right now whilst listening to the scurrying) runs in the family.  There was a mouse in the house several years ago (back in the days of teenagehood) and it was a vicious sucker (by vicious I mean that it scurried around the house with no heed to the fact that 3 women happened to be screaming and standing on chairs and couches).  I didn’t sleep for 2 days straight because I was sure the thing would crawl into my mouth whilst I was asleep and burrow a hole through my skull.  I tried stuffing blankets in the crack at the bottom of my door, but that dagnab blasted mouse was like MIGHTY MOUSE… he moved them blankets with his pinky finger tied behind his back, blindfolded.  One Sunday, Lindsay and I got fed up… we were taking our sleep back!!  So far, the mouse had ignored all of our mouse traps and the geezer cat (who retired from mousing duty at the age of 10… she is now 21 and on Social Security and Medicare) was too busy inspecting her paw hairs to be of much help:

Geezer cat cannot be bothered with these Einstein Mice... She has beauty sleep to be had!

Since, obviously the Queen of the checkered blanket could not be bothered to do her actual job, we took matters into our own hands… gathered us up some rodent-trapping utensils and got on the task of catching the dagnabbed disease-carrying nose twitcher ourselves!!  You heard that right… Insane Sisters:  EXTERMINATORS by trade… or at least until the one mouse is dead.  I armed myself with a camera and stood on the highest couch possible (can mice climb couches… I might not have thought this all the way through!)  Lindsay, on the other hand looked like this:

Lindsay, The Conquerer!

No, those are not rubber gloves… they would happen to be specially designed mice combatant gloves with a special mice poison slathered on the outside.  Oh, and that white thing she’s holding would be a cup… because the mouse might be thirsty… you never know with all that free cheese he’s consumed.  So, the plan (which we didn’t really spend time thinking about), was that I was supposed to corner the thing behind the couch with my cha-chaing skillz (I threw in a few Macarena moves for good measure),  move the couch out of the way, and then she was going to scoop him up in the cup and serve him with a side of bacon for breakfast.  What really ended up happening was a lot of screaming and running away every time the mouse moved like it was Oprah’s Favorite Things Show up in that house.  I was basically pretty much useless standing on top of the couch with camera in hand.  Quality Exterminators-R-Us… anyone else need some rodent assistance? 

Finally, Dad got tired of watching the fiasco (plus his ears hurt on account of all the girlish squealing), so he took pity on us using mom’s favorite salad bowl:

That grey tail and leg poking out from the top of the bowl… that would be Evil Einstein Mouse… Mickey’s wayward cuzzin.  And then afterwards Mom made a lovely Spinach salad with endives for Sundee dinner.  Pretty sure we made Dad whack the thing against the pavement outside and then move the garbage can to the furtherest town… at least a 10-mile mouseless radius for these wusses!! 

In other news… in the present day, the rain and cold returned (not like it ever left, but there was at least a day and a half that had some sunshine last week), but I wasn’t going to let that deter me from going on my walk tonight… so I Mary Poppinsed the joint and pulled out my trusty umbrella… which would have been a brilliant idea, except the wind was blowing just enough that I still got rained on and by the time I was done with the walk my arm was cramping from holding the umbrella up for so long!  It’s really too bad that I didn’t have one of these inventions on hand:

Meet the NuBrella!!  Look how dagnabbed smiley she is with her alien space costume and her cellular phone and her business suit?  She doesn’t look Neil Armstrongish at ALL!  I showed this NuBrella invention to Lindsay and she laughed in my face!  Guess I know who won’t be giving me this sucker for my birthday.  No matter… I like scowling in the wind and rain on my walk… and I enjoy looking like Mary Poppins in a Tornado. 

Question of the Day:  Do you have a rodent/creature/critter/slimey thing phobia?  If so, what of?



Filed under Exercise, Family

32 responses to “I’m Like Mary Poppins, Except Not So Much…

  1. Jen berger

    Oh my word, you are so funny! I love it!

  2. cl2

    Mice, cockroaches, earwigs are the top of my list. My sister had a pack rat in her house at one time. They had to hire an exterminator. Even the traps couldn’t hold it. He had to shoot it. I had a mouse in my wall a few years ago and I could hear him scratching at night. He did finally eat some Decon (is that the name?) and died on top of my tennis shoe. I had a friend who went on a mission to Hawaii. She mailed me a dead flying cockroach (she knew how much I loved them). It was as long as the envelope.

    I can’t imagine what good a camera would do–but love the picture of the tail sticking out from under the bowl.

  3. Dessa Wade

    Thanks for making me laugh histerically this morning Whit! I didn’t realize you had photos of that mission. Yes, you and Linds and total wusses when it comes to any kind of furry little animal. I don’t get why you are afraid of the stupid tiny little mice who are
    O U T S I D E, get it, O U T S I D E your window. Like they are going to open up your window and come on it. Hello!

  4. mbergz

    Have you heard about the flying squirrel incident yet?

  5. Stephanie

    Try traps loaded with peanut butter – not cheese. Rodents love the stuff, and they can’t get it off the traps, so bye-bye mousie. Bam!

  6. Avster

    My boys are good mouse hunters Whit… shame you turned down getting one for mouse control and Geezer’s chew toy.

    Just be happy that Geezer cat didn’t catch the mouse and let it loose in your room. That’s some real excitement- especially when the cat just sits there and watches the mouse run around the room.

    As for a furry, slimey phobia… nope. They’re all cute in their own way. Sometimes one just has to get close to them to see their beauty…

    • HA! Geezer cat would eat one of your boys for dinner… she may be small but she’s a tough one (unless of course there’s a mouse running around the house!) Avster, I will choose not to believe that spiders and snakes are cute in their own way… nope, not buying it!!

  7. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    LOL – funy!

    Question of the Day: Do you have a rodent/creature/critter/slimey thing phobia? If so, what of?

    I don’t have any thing that creeps me out quite like you do, Whitney.
    I am able catch or capture things that make their way into our house or yard.
    My Dh is our resident snake catcher (blk snakes like our bird houses ) but he just catches and releases them.
    Our cat is a good mouse and mole and lizard hunter and brings me them after she has played with them until dead and no longer amusing to her.
    I don’t like maggots or leeches or snakes that drop out of trees or those large hissing cockroaches but I am pretty sure I would be able to still kill them ( while screaming probably ). Thankfully we don’t have those kinds of snakes or cockroaches here…
    I really don’t like ticks but they are a common occurrence here so you learn to deal…especially when you have to pull them off your children or pets ( ICK ).

    Keep on…keepin’ on…

    • Holly

      where on earth are you from that snakes fall out of the trees so I know never to move there?!?!

      • Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

        LOL – reread that…i said “Thankfully we don’t have those kinds of snakes or cockroaches here”…

        I never want to meet the green poisonous snakes in the tropical jungle regions that drop out of trees. They totally wig me out.
        The Madagascar Hissing Cockroach gets to 4 inches in size and although they are harmless they are pretty gross. We got to see and hold them in the Science Center. I did it to show my son they won’t hurt him but I was still grossed out.

    • Oh, gravy no!!! I could not have those snakes falling out of trees either!! Ick, ick, ick!! I will just have to hire you as my exterminator next time, Louisa! 😛

  8. Holly

    Well, obviously from my reply to Louisa, I’m terrified of snakes! Can’t watch them on tv. Can’t look at pics of them. Even Hiss the Snake from Disney’s cartoon version of Robin Hood creeps me out. It’s that bad! I fear a horrible practical joke from my kids when they get older.

    Oh, and you totally made my day with this post! I’m so glad you have pics of this awesomely wonderful event!!!

    • SNAKES are not natural! I too cannot stand a snake… I won’t tell you of the time my dad thought it would be funny to throw a snake in the shower, then. I’ll cross my fingers your kids don’t get any of those ideas!!

  9. Liz

    When I moved to Africa I was not warned that every single snake, even tiny, was poisonous. I’m such a wimp that when a chicken decided to peck at an angry spitting cobra by my latrine I had my little elementary school friends kill it. They’re tough you see. But I had to fend for myself when riding my bike on a very isolated bush path I came around a corner and surprised a green cobra sunning itself. Did I mention that the green monster of death was 6 ft long and I was about 6 ft away? It reared up and jumped to the left. I did a wheelie, hopped off my bike to the right and took off running (with bike) in about 0.24 seconds. I think my heart finally started beating again 5 minutes later and 2 miles away. The next day I ran over a twig snake (they really do look just like a dang twig). The day after that I had a 4 ft black cobra slither right past me while taking a breather. Things come in 3’s right? So I’m good for life. Now I just need to get my grizzly bear encounters out of the way and I can finally relax.

    • Holy heck, I don’t blame you. Poisonous snakes aren’t to be messed with. That’s way too many run-ins with wayyyy too many snakes!!! I cannot stomach a slithery creature either!

  10. Melissa Cobb

    Cochroaches and snakes! EWWWWWW! Props to your dad for taking care of business!!!!!

  11. Jen Nelson

    That is such a funny story and I am glad you had the pictures too. I am really afraid of spiders and mice too, which we had many of both in our first little house Seth and I rented as newlyweds. I went straight to the animal shelter and adopted a kitten, which took care of the mice. As for the spiders, I kept a flash light by my bed at all times and never went barefoot.


  12. What a story! Lindsay looks like she means business! I wouldn’t cross her. I have some mourning doves and a family of robins outside my window that think it’s time to wake up and start cooing/singing at 4:00 a.m. At least it’s a somewhat pleasant sound, but that’s entirely too early in my book. The birds are annoying, but I’m terrified of snakes. To quote Bill Engvall, “They move without legs. That’s not natural.”

  13. I once had a pet rat. He liked to eat cherries.

    Don’t get me started on spiders or snakes. Devils work.

  14. Lindsay

    What great memories who knew you would have so many pics to threaten me with later on in life!

  15. Pingback: I Am Odd… And Here Are Some Ends… Odds and Ends… « craving a life

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