Since I’m doomed from ever getting any sleep until these dagnabbed Einstein Mice Critters die or move into a new window well, I guess I’ll ramble on this here blog of mine. Just so you all know… Rodent-phobia (a phobia I just invented right now whilst listening to the scurrying) runs in the family. There was a mouse in the house several years ago (back in the days of teenagehood) and it was a vicious sucker (by vicious I mean that it scurried around the house with no heed to the fact that 3 women happened to be screaming and standing on chairs and couches). I didn’t sleep for 2 days straight because I was sure the thing would crawl into my mouth whilst I was asleep and burrow a hole through my skull. I tried stuffing blankets in the crack at the bottom of my door, but that dagnab blasted mouse was like MIGHTY MOUSE… he moved them blankets with his pinky finger tied behind his back, blindfolded. One Sunday, Lindsay and I got fed up… we were taking our sleep back!! So far, the mouse had ignored all of our mouse traps and the geezer cat (who retired from mousing duty at the age of 10… she is now 21 and on Social Security and Medicare) was too busy inspecting her paw hairs to be of much help:
Since, obviously the Queen of the checkered blanket could not be bothered to do her actual job, we took matters into our own hands… gathered us up some rodent-trapping utensils and got on the task of catching the dagnabbed disease-carrying nose twitcher ourselves!! You heard that right… Insane Sisters: EXTERMINATORS by trade… or at least until the one mouse is dead. I armed myself with a camera and stood on the highest couch possible (can mice climb couches… I might not have thought this all the way through!) Lindsay, on the other hand looked like this:
No, those are not rubber gloves… they would happen to be specially designed mice combatant gloves with a special mice poison slathered on the outside. Oh, and that white thing she’s holding would be a cup… because the mouse might be thirsty… you never know with all that free cheese he’s consumed. So, the plan (which we didn’t really spend time thinking about), was that I was supposed to corner the thing behind the couch with my cha-chaing skillz (I threw in a few Macarena moves for good measure), move the couch out of the way, and then she was going to scoop him up in the cup and serve him with a side of bacon for breakfast. What really ended up happening was a lot of screaming and running away every time the mouse moved like it was Oprah’s Favorite Things Show up in that house. I was basically pretty much useless standing on top of the couch with camera in hand. Quality Exterminators-R-Us… anyone else need some rodent assistance?
Finally, Dad got tired of watching the fiasco (plus his ears hurt on account of all the girlish squealing), so he took pity on us using mom’s favorite salad bowl:
That grey tail and leg poking out from the top of the bowl… that would be Evil Einstein Mouse… Mickey’s wayward cuzzin. And then afterwards Mom made a lovely Spinach salad with endives for Sundee dinner. Pretty sure we made Dad whack the thing against the pavement outside and then move the garbage can to the furtherest town… at least a 10-mile mouseless radius for these wusses!!
In other news… in the present day, the rain and cold returned (not like it ever left, but there was at least a day and a half that had some sunshine last week), but I wasn’t going to let that deter me from going on my walk tonight… so I Mary Poppinsed the joint and pulled out my trusty umbrella… which would have been a brilliant idea, except the wind was blowing just enough that I still got rained on and by the time I was done with the walk my arm was cramping from holding the umbrella up for so long! It’s really too bad that I didn’t have one of these inventions on hand:
Meet the NuBrella!! Look how dagnabbed smiley she is with her alien space costume and her cellular phone and her business suit? She doesn’t look Neil Armstrongish at ALL! I showed this NuBrella invention to Lindsay and she laughed in my face! Guess I know who won’t be giving me this sucker for my birthday. No matter… I like scowling in the wind and rain on my walk… and I enjoy looking like Mary Poppins in a Tornado.
Question of the Day: Do you have a rodent/creature/critter/slimey thing phobia? If so, what of?