Whitney’s Playlist Wednesday – If I Were A Boy

The inspiration for this topic came yesterday when I literally got stuck in a pair of brand new Spanx!  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Spanx… they are a modern day girdle of sorts… suck in the fat, smooth the lumps, and restrict the lung movement!  You know… the usual death defying piece of clothing.  I’ve never owned a fat smoothing death trap before, but I’d been curious to see if it would reign in the bane of my existence , so I lept and bought one through an online catalog.  It came yesterday and I immediately went to try it on… 25 minutes later and 16 new bruises later, I had managed to pull the dagnabbed blasted thing up to near the proper waist line.  Holy canoli!!  It was like I was auditioning for the musical Free Willy and the Sausage Casings, except instead of whales, with women wearing too-tight-for-them Spanx.  I knew I should have quit the tugging 5 minutes in, but I’m a stubborn sucker and I was darned determined to get that thing all the way on.  I walked around  for the next hour like a bow-legged duck and don’t get me started on sitting… oh the horror… sitting required a calculated bending procedure.  I swear to you, I broke at least 2 ribs sitting in those things.  AT LEAST!!  The ribs are still a bit sore and it’s been hours since I released myself from the death grip.  A few hours after putting them on, I’d had enough, pulled out the crowbar to get those babies down, and took the first deep breath I’d taken in hours!  Ahhhhhhh… the relief!!!

Why am I rambling for 24 hours about my underoo ordeal?  Because I got to thinking about the difference in men and women when it comes to weight.  I don’t mean to stereotype at all… AT ALL… but it just seems to me that if you have a man who is overweight and a woman who is overweight, the man is celebrated and the woman is shunned.  When I say shunned, I mean she is looked at as some lazy, undisciplined slob of a thing and the man is given a contract to sumo wrestle wearing a diaper.  When I was a teenager, I always wondered if it would be any easier to be a boy.  To not have to worry about makeup and hair straighteners, and clothes, and woman hormone hoarding week, and wearing  death trap underoos, and being a certain acceptable size, etc.  But then I realized I’d miss being a girl… there’s something to be said for being a strong, independent woman… hear me roar! 

As for my saga with the Spanx… I plan on returning these ones and ordering the next size up… I did like the effect on the bane when I had them on… but maybe getting the proper size is the key to being able to breathe properly!   

If I Were A Boy by Beyonce

If I were a boy even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go

Question of the Day:  What do you envy most about the opposite sex?  Anyone have any Spanx recommendations?

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15 Comments

Filed under Whitney's Playlist

15 responses to “Whitney’s Playlist Wednesday – If I Were A Boy

  1. cl2

    First thing that came to my mind about what do I envy most about the opposite sex was “Nothing.” You wouldn’t always find me saying that. You are right, though, about it is okay for a man to be overweight, but not for a woman. A woman can’t even be slighty overweight and acceptable. Men can be quite overweight and still pass as very acceptable to most of society (not all though).

    • You are comfortable in your own skin! Love it! And yes… there seems to be a double standard… but there are a lot of things that are double standards… both male and female.

  2. dessawade

    I witnessed the bow-legged duck and you really did walk differently. What we don’t do as women! I envy how a man can let everything just roll right off their back and act like nothing really bothers them.

  3. Liz

    I know it’s stereotypical, but I really wish I could pee standing up when we do outdoor activities. Squatting is overrated when A) you have a bad knee and can only do a lopsided squat B) it is mosquito season and you have to “swat and squat” and C) you are in bear territory.

  4. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    That was quite the ordeal, Whitney.
    I haven’t ever tried the Spanx.
    I feel much the same way in a pair of panty-hose so call me a natural girl but I avoid wearing those as much as possible.

    Question of the Day: What do you envy most about the opposite sex? Anyone have any Spanx recommendations?

    Well, the pee-ing standing up would come in handy ( in the outdoors and we wouldn’t have to touch public toilets – ick!).
    I don’t think I would like my ‘junk’ being out there jiggling and overly tender to the slightest hit.
    Going shirt-less in the summer would be nice and getting an all over tan…but I don’t think I would like all the body hair.
    Getting paid a higher wage per hour would be a benefit and they don’t do any more work or have any more qualifications or education – they just get it for being a male.
    The no-period would be nice but if men think they don’t have hormonal times of the month…they are kidding themselves. Just ask their girlfriends or wives!

    I like being a girl.

    Keep on…keepin’ on.

    • All good points and all things I’ve thought of myself. And yes… the grass usually is greener on the other side of the fence, but when it comes down to it, I’ll stick with my lawn!

  5. makingitperm

    I have a pair of spanx. When I got them at Lane Bryant that chick told me to give myself plenty of time to get them on and they are harder the more support you get. I think mine were the medium not super. I think the first time I put mine on it took about 10 minutes to wiggle in. I was laying on my bed, jumping up and down and burning up a sweat. I don’t wear it often but it’s nice to see the difference though. I do agree that they make you feel like a stuffed sausage! I always feel tube-like. About 3 days after I got mine I put them on early in the AM and flew to England (14 hours of traveling!)…it made a difference in regards to comfortable in the seats but holy shiz I was uncomfortable.

    They have men spanx on the website…I just think that men don’t care as much as women. There’s a huge society thing for women to be perfect where as men can come as they are and be sexy (women definition of sexy is different!)

    • So, they’re supposed to be mind numbingly tight!! I’ll try the next size up and judge which one to keep on that! And yes… the definitions are totes different when it comes to being sexy/hot!

  6. Jen Jen

    Funny story! Hope the next size fits better. I don’t want to worry about you breaking more ribs. I envy men that don’t have to do their hair. I like doing makeup, but hate doing hair. I am not brave enough to cut it short like Lindsay, or I totally would.

  7. Good luck with the Spanx and bane management. I sincerely hope that the next size up gives you the support you need. I envy several things about males, but I’m glad to be a girl most of the time.

  8. I love this song, this blog, Beyonce, and you! Thanks for posting!

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