First things first… thank y’all for the great summer exercising suggestions… you all have inspired me to actually go out and buy my next summer exercising adventure… stay tuned to this here blog next week for exclusive pictures of me in my new bikini!!!!!
Bwahahahahahahahaha… Um… NOT!!! I wouldn’t do that to y’all. Heck… I wouldn’t do that to me! The part about me buying a summer exercising tool is true… which I will post about next week. Yee Haw, Clem! I’d post an individual reply to each of your giveaway comments, but the last time I did that on a giveaway topic, it took me an hour and a half to pick a winner since every time I drew a random name, it was me. I love to win things that I am giving away!!!!
Whenever I go somewhere that will require me to sit in a chair, I obsess over whether or not the chair has arms, how big the seat is, is there a booth… will I fit in the booth. And those thoughts are like a never-ending loop of annoying, played to the stylings of Barney the Purple Dinosaur in the background (I Love You… you love me… we’re a happy family…) Those thoughts and the anxiety that comes along with them are the ONLY thing that exists in my head until I can put it to rest. What I usually end up doing is calling the place and asking about their seating and/or visiting before the event to see if my arse will fit in the seat. Oh, it’s quality time with my anxiety… just me and my big buttox, worrying up a storm. Even after losing 215 pounds, I still have issues with some seats, on account of the bane of my existence and it’s storing of Crisco for the winter. Food storage is important, people!!! The upside to the bane is that when it’s the actual end of the world (as opposed to the fake end of the world) and all the Wal-Marts are closed down and there is no food, I will die of starvation years and years after the skinny people of the world… which would allow me to hang out longer in starvation mode and chat it up with the sumo wrestlers and rejected Biggest Loser contestants! Jealous!? I thought so. I actually do fit in most seats now, but I still have in my mindset that I’m a 530-pound chick and I’m always seeing myself as bigger than I am… what did I tell you about my brain… Albert’s ain’t any better!
I find it completely humidifying (thank you, Ruby!) to have to call and ask someone if their chairs have arms on them… but it comes with the territory… and then, if I fit in a seat, there’s the whole worrying about the people who have to sit next to you fiasco and how uncomfortable they are going to be! I went to the musical theater years and years ago, the person sitting to my left was uncomfortable the whole first half and so was I, trying to hold my legs over to the other side. She didn’t even bother to come back to her seat after intermission… and I was so embarrassed… that she gave up some really good seats because I was crowding her out… I never went back to that specific theater after that… still haven’t been to it. I have a feeling that I’d fit into the seat better now, but the mind keeps playing tricks on me.
The reason I bring this up, I bought me some concert tickets for a concert in August recently and ever since then I’ve been worrying about the chairs. They are stadium chairs, and I have NEVER been able to fit into those little suckers… besides that fact, I wasn’t able to get an edge seat, so I’m smack dab in the middle of a row, meaning two people will be uncomfortable, instead of just one. It’s no wonder I already have so many grey hairs… worrying Wanda over here! To try to alieve that anxiety, I’ve been trying to break into the local football stadium for days now… days and days and days… All of the dagnabbed gates are locked up as tight as a fat chick wearing a tutu… and heck if my lock picking skillz are of any use! I even brought a crowbar once, but couldn’t lift it up off the ground so left it home. Wednesday night I had some success… there was a tiny gate open with a big ole sign that read “Authorized Personnel ONLY”! Of course, I just pretended that I didn’t know how to read and walked on in anyway. I was sure that I was going to get arrested the whole time. I had to walk across the entire football field to get to the stadium seats and I felt like I was Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible, except with less hair. I was sure that someone was going to come and lock that one opened gate and I would have to LIVE in the stadium until I was 800! Wo is me! (I’m a mess… it’s a wonder I even get out of bed in the mornings!)
I finally made it to the armed seating, took a big ole breath and sat my butt down… what do ya’ know, Goldilocks… I fit. I have no idea how it would be with people next to me… probably still pretty squishy, but that didn’t matter right then… I fit in a stadium seat for the first time in forever… at least since the age of 18… because when I went to my sister’s graduation at the age of 19, I had to stand up in the back during the whole thing because I could not fit in the stadium seats. YEE HAW! Small victory won… I’ll take it. I did a few victory laps up and down the stadium stairs for good measure (Rocky style), and then I high tailed it out of that gate before I had to move into the local women’s prison. Pretty good for a week when the scale didn’t budge!
Question of the Day: What was your latest NSV (nonscale victory)? Remember to celebrate those along the way!
Note: Since it is Memorial Day on Monday, I’m taking that day off from posting as well, so I will see you all back here bright and early on Tuesdee morning! Thank you all for reading and I hope you all have a fabulous long weekend! You can still sign up to win the giveaway if you haven’t already… I will close the giveaway on Monday, May 30th at 11:59 p.m. MST and draw the winner then!