Hammocking Around…

Weight limits… everything has a weight limit… and unfortunately most everything that has a weight limit scares the cruditis out of me.  I have this morbid fear that I’ll sit on something and it will break into 5 million tiny pieces in front of an audience of millions!  I used to have nightmares about that.  I’d be up on a stage in front of a packed crowd, just sitting on a chair… and it was a game show… how long can the spindly chair hold up the fat chick (I think it came on channel CBS… right after Survivor)… and all of a sudden I’d fall through the floor in front of the whole audience… and I’d jolt awake in a sweat because it was dagnabbed hot down there in hell!

I can’t complain too much about weight limits… it’s just common sense that manufacturers are not going to make everything able to hold someone who is 530 pounds… and even though I’ve lost a person and a small child in weight, I’m still over the weight limit for most things… and most things still scare the cruditis out of me… examples:

1.  Lawn chairs… yep… lawn chairs…
2.  Office chairs…
3.  Bicycles
4.  Riding lawn mowers
5.  Baby kittens (oh wait… wrong list)
6.  Hammocks

Pretty much anything that isn’t cemented to the ground with steal beams made out of indestructable Superman material is a no no for the Whitmeister and her rear receptacle.  I’ve never told anyone this… except my sister a few months back one night when I was drunk on Swedish fish.  It is wayyyyyyy too humidifying for me to even think about, let alone say outloud.  I’d say it happened about 14 years ago when I weighed around 500 or more pounds.  I went to church in a student ward.  I’d come early and sat myself down in my usual pew.  There was this extremely loud creaking/breaking noise and before I knew it I was on my butt on the ground.  I’d broken the wooden pew.  The wooden pew that had survived many years and many butts could not hold my butt any longer.  I was humiliated, left immediately with my eyes welling with tears, and never went back to that church.  I had no confidence anyway and the breaking pew was just the tipping point… I could not show my face in that room with those people again.  I’d always be known as the fat girl who broke the furniture.

I am looking forward to the day when I don’t have to look for weight limits.  When I can sit down willy nilly without a care in the world and if the chair does break, I can sue the company for shoddy workmanship.  That’s right Judge Judy… you… me… 2 years from now.  BRING IT!

Pictures Note:  For father’s day, my sister and I gave my dad a hammock… I’m sure there is a weight limit, so I didn’t try it out…  The weather was cold and rainy today, so we set it up in the living room and everyone had a go at it.  I can tell you one thing… them hammocks… they be dangerous majiggers!!

Madre spent most of her turn acting like she was seasick on the Titanic!


Nephew, Ethan had it down to a science!

Question of the Day:  What does your weight stop you from doing?



Filed under Family

13 responses to “Hammocking Around…

  1. cl2

    Anything and everything. What I love is when you visit someone and they tell you what chair you shouldn’t sit on like I didn’t already know that. It is like we are clueless or something.

  2. Kim

    Uggg..everything!! The list is so long! I love your blogs they make me feel not so alone in this struggle to gain control over my life!!! Thank you for sharing:)

  3. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    I am glad your Dad had a nice Father’s Day, Whitney.
    I hope he likes his new hammock.

    Question of the Day: What does your weight stop you from doing?

    When I was at my highest weight ( 254lbs ) my weight was keeping me from being active with my husband & kids. I didn’t FEEL fun or attractive. I felt sluggish and yucky all the time. My body ached (my lower back, my knees, my feet) and I just didn’t feel like ME in general.

    Since I have dropped 40 lbs and am eating “clean”, I can’t believe the difference.
    I hope that as I continue to drop more lbs, that I will keep feeling better and better.

    Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….( Dory’s saying from the “NEMO” movie)

    Keep on…keepin’ on.

  4. Avster

    I remember when I first got a hammock about ten years ago… I loved hammocks and had always wanted one and I finally found a used one at a garage sale for a very reasonable price.
    I had this fear that my brothers or father would break it… so I made a sign that said 130 Maximum Weight. :b I knew that left out everyone except my mother and I. :p

    As for chairs breaking… this is a funny on my dad. He wasn’t amused at the time, but my brothers were greatly amused and talked about it for days afterward and now my father does laugh at it.
    The guys were on an elevensies break and dad brought doughnuts. The owner of the home where they were working brought out old lawn chairs.
    My father sat down in one and grabbed a doughnut. He brought the doughnut to his mouth and right when he took a bite the chair exploded!

    • Bwahahahaha… I like that 130-pound weight limit idear, Avy Sue! I’m tempted to buy a chair and put a sign that says: No one under 300 pounds is allowed to sit on this chair. 😛 Take that!

      Re: your poor dad and his chair incident… the doughnut was totally the breaking point. If he’d left it in the box, he would have been fine… it was that extra 3 ounces that did him in!

  5. Jen Jen

    Whit I am so sorry that happened to you. That must have been so frustrating. It seriously breaks my heart.

  6. That hammock looks awfully fun. I think that is a fantastic gift idea.

  7. Deanna

    Angie has one and I quite enjoyed it once I figured out how to get into it. I had to limit one small grand kid with me at a time for fear it would tip over!

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