Weight limits… everything has a weight limit… and unfortunately most everything that has a weight limit scares the cruditis out of me. I have this morbid fear that I’ll sit on something and it will break into 5 million tiny pieces in front of an audience of millions! I used to have nightmares about that. I’d be up on a stage in front of a packed crowd, just sitting on a chair… and it was a game show… how long can the spindly chair hold up the fat chick (I think it came on channel CBS… right after Survivor)… and all of a sudden I’d fall through the floor in front of the whole audience… and I’d jolt awake in a sweat because it was dagnabbed hot down there in hell!
I can’t complain too much about weight limits… it’s just common sense that manufacturers are not going to make everything able to hold someone who is 530 pounds… and even though I’ve lost a person and a small child in weight, I’m still over the weight limit for most things… and most things still scare the cruditis out of me… examples:
1. Lawn chairs… yep… lawn chairs…
2. Office chairs…
4. Riding lawn mowers
5. Baby kittens (oh wait… wrong list)
Pretty much anything that isn’t cemented to the ground with steal beams made out of indestructable Superman material is a no no for the Whitmeister and her rear receptacle. I’ve never told anyone this… except my sister a few months back one night when I was drunk on Swedish fish. It is wayyyyyyy too humidifying for me to even think about, let alone say outloud. I’d say it happened about 14 years ago when I weighed around 500 or more pounds. I went to church in a student ward. I’d come early and sat myself down in my usual pew. There was this extremely loud creaking/breaking noise and before I knew it I was on my butt on the ground. I’d broken the wooden pew. The wooden pew that had survived many years and many butts could not hold my butt any longer. I was humiliated, left immediately with my eyes welling with tears, and never went back to that church. I had no confidence anyway and the breaking pew was just the tipping point… I could not show my face in that room with those people again. I’d always be known as the fat girl who broke the furniture.
I am looking forward to the day when I don’t have to look for weight limits. When I can sit down willy nilly without a care in the world and if the chair does break, I can sue the company for shoddy workmanship. That’s right Judge Judy… you… me… 2 years from now. BRING IT!
Pictures Note: For father’s day, my sister and I gave my dad a hammock… I’m sure there is a weight limit, so I didn’t try it out… The weather was cold and rainy today, so we set it up in the living room and everyone had a go at it. I can tell you one thing… them hammocks… they be dangerous majiggers!!
Question of the Day: What does your weight stop you from doing?