Hiking With An Idiot… Tips and Treasures…

Ugh… hiking…

The End…

As if…

Some of you (all 2 of you) may remember that I ammended my bucket list items to accomplish this year with a vow to go hiking more.  Ugh… hiking.

This past Saturday after a princess (and one prince) party, Art On the Lawn, and general errand running/grocery shopping, I decide I have plenty of time to get me in a good ole fashioned hike… at 8:15 p.m.  Easy peasy… I’ll just zoom up the canyon in my time machine and scale me a mountain at 312 pounds.  Most women are embarrassed to display their weight so publicly… I relish the gasps and head shaking when I reveal mine… but I prefer to refer to my weight as 18 to the 2nd power minus 12… that sounds as if I’m birdish in weight.  I’ll take it.  Like I could go and sit at a dinner table with some older lady and she’d look at me and be like… dear, you look too skinny… I am going to fatten you up… and I’d pretend to act all put out and offended, but on the inside my pancreas is doing back flips of joy!

Sorry… another journey through the recesses of Whitney’s slightly psychotic brain folds… done!  Anyway… I decide I’m going hiking.  And I kind of planned it this way to avoid the heat.  Who wants to cough up a lung in 90-some-odd-degree weather?  My madre tells me she knows of this great hike that “isn’t too difficult.”  Believe you me, I quizzed her on this until she was bleeding out of her ears.  3000 questions later, I finally agree that this should be my first hike.  We hop in the car and drive up the canyon, only to realize that all of the hiking spots are closed due to flood watch 2011 (WAYYYYYYYY too much moisture this winter and spring, so all of our rivers are like burgeoning at the seams… if I hear one thing about water conservation this year, I will pull a Charles Manson, except without the psychoticness and all the murdering.)  That hike foiled, we decide to drive further up the canyon and just find some random trail to walk on… which was cool and all, except I’m a novice here and I weigh 18 to the 2nd power minus 12 pounds.  Here is only a partial list of my idiotic choices:

1.  Shape-Ups are not appropriate hiking apparel… you do not need rocking horse shoes when trying to navigate uneven steep surfaces.

2.  Picking trails that are basically straight up at a 90-degree angle is a bad idear for a first timer who weighs 18 to the 2nd power minuse 12.  BAD idea… oh, and did I mention a bad idea!?  Hiking up the hill wasn’t bad at all… I had a great handle on that… even if it was steep.  Hiking back down the hill… not so much… my ankles were turning at every step since the path was so uneven and rocky and my knees needed amputated by the time I hit the bottom… I’d guesstimate I only hiked a total of half a mile too… but straight DOWN is MURDER in rocking horse shoes.

3.  Buy a hiking stick… or 2 or 3 or 15,000… I had to hold on to Madre’s shoulder on the way down because I was convinced I would slip and hit my head on a rock and then the ambulance would have to come and they’d have to hire a team of fire fighters to come in with a stretcher and hike my rear quarters out of there and then I’d be on a special on TLC called “Too Fat Too Hike In A Stretcher With Fireman” and I’d be mortified and move back into the depths of despair and take up stock in the Twinkie factory down the street and buy more yarn to make doilies.  I don’t ever over analyze things… why do you ask?

4.  Go hiking before 9:00 p.m. at night.  I hear night hiking is the bee’s knees… not for this girl… YET!

5.  Invent a hovercraft that can just carry my dagblasted rear quarters up AND back down the mountainside… and then become a millionaire by selling it on infommercials at 3:00 a.m.  (Jen-Jen would be my first customer!)

Needless to say, my first experience back hiking after at least 14 years was a bust.  Though, I was surprised at how well I navigated the uphill portion of it all.  If I could just live on top of the mountain and never have to hike back down, maybe I’d have something.  I’d be like the wise old doily woman who lives in a shoe on the top of a mountain.  I’m not giving hiking up completely… but I will be smarter about it next time.  Start small… build up… have the proper shoes and my new hovercraft in tow.  BINGO!

Question of the Day:  Do you enjoy hiking?  Any favorite hikes?  What was the last mountain you scaled? 

The beginning... looks nice... decieving lil' bugger!

I should have brought my raft and rafted down.



Filed under Exercise, Mission: Uncage the Singing Bird

22 responses to “Hiking With An Idiot… Tips and Treasures…

  1. Deanna

    We are planning a family R mountain hike. We are taking children as young as 5– maybe even a three year old, and a pregnant daughter. Should be fun. We doing this the 5th of July. You are INVITED.

  2. cl2

    Hate hiking! I could never figure out why I got so winded on hikes even when I was 20 and thin as a rail and in good shape. My “ex” used to but me about how wimpy I was (even when I was 5 months pregnant with twins and had to keep stopping for breath–oh, and he made me hike down to Hyrum Dam rather than pay the money to park!?!? when I was 3 months pregnant on July 4th–nice guy, huh!). Anyway–after typing I realized I have exertional asthma and hiking about KILLS me. My daughter–who runs 6 miles a day–also has this. It was so nice to be validated.

    Over the weekend, I went to Mt. Rushmore and hiked a lot of trails and stairs in the HEAT (and in a cave–739 stairs). I did okay, but, personally, I hate hiking unless it is just a trail like around Jenny Lake at Grand Teton–not much up and down. That is one I really liked at some 60 pounds less than I am right now.

    Oh–and I CANNOT imagine hiking in the shapeups–I just have to look at them and get queasy.

    • No wonder you hated hiking with the exertional asthma… breathing is pretty durn important, I’d say! I’m not a fan of hiking either, but I don’t think I can blame it on asthma… I just call mine out of shapeitis! HOLY stairs, Colleen… 739! That’s amazing… but I’m so glad you are getting to explore more!

  3. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Love the pics! The colors are so vibrant.

    I had to LOL at the hiking in your Shape-Ups. Live & Learn.
    Something else…don’t stand for 2.5 hrs on a slope in them either. Man, my back and legs hurt for 2 days! It wasn’t hiking ( it was in a church parking lot for Peke’s sake) but standing helping the Girl Scouts for over 2hrs and OUCH!
    Think …Shape-Ups and flat even surfaces…only!

    Question of the Day: Do you enjoy hiking? Any favorite hikes? What was the last mountain you scaled?
    I do like to hike.
    Although, Missouri is NOT known for its mountains…or even its hills for that matter…lol.
    We have some very nice places to hike and some beautiful trails that are open to walkers, hikers, and bikers, and even some to horsesback riding.
    Probably a lot more to your liking, Whitney. Not a lot of UP and therefore not a lot of DOWN either. Mostly easy going and really nice. Hope you like ticks. LOL
    I am so mean.
    Yeh, wear bug repellent.

    Proud of you for taking the first step to your new hiking endeavors. Invest in some comfy hiking foot apparel.

    I told my daughter about my Bucket List and my latest addition and she was THRILLED ( to put it mildly ) and now she can’t wait for our kayaking adventure.
    I told her I would let her Google it to see what kind of lessons and rentals we could find and look into between now and this time next year. (thought she was going to come up out of her seat with excitement)…lol.
    She was funny too b/c she was like, “mom, do you really think you need lessons b/c I learned it in 5 minutes… on my own”.
    Ugh! {me – rolling my eyes}
    I said, “yes, honey, I really do think I would rather have at least one lesson to get me going. It’s nice to be young and fearless but as you grow up you will find that isn’t always the case.”
    “ok”, she says….
    LOL (kids)…

    Keep on …keepin’ on….

    • Tee hee… the invincibility of kids!! You are going to have so much more fun with your kids now that you have the guts to get out there and do things! I think I like your trails in Missouri. The lake I went to in Missouri was quite beautiful, so I wouldn’t doubt there are some nice little jaunts around the state!

  4. I like being at hiking spots. I don’t like the struggle to get there so much. Unless it’s perfect weather, no bugs, and easy walking. But I’d prefer to just be transported to all the spots. I dislike tons of stairs. I do love watching little creatures and plants along the way.

    • Nammy… when they invent the perfect hike (weather, bugs, and easiness), we’re buying a plane ticket… both of us! That’s right. I love the beauty of nature… but the getting there is the hard part!

  5. Dessa Wade

    I love hiking for the most part. I usually hate it on the way up but boy am I proud of myself when I’m all done and can say i did it. I love the peaceful surroundings of the outdoors and the sights and sounds that go with it.
    Get ready for our next hike Whit!

  6. Raven aka newmammaluv

    WOW!!! Beautiful hike!!!! I love hiking and I make my dog, daughter, husband and any other unsuspecting creature go along with me when I get the chance! lol

  7. Dorothy Dingman

    I love hiking! The trails have changed as my girth has widened, but I have not given it up yet. I prefer clear trails, with as few rocks, twigs, etc, as possible, because I manage to trip over every single one of them! I hike in my local canyons whenever we go camping.

    I would really like to get in shape and be able to do the Timpanogus cave hike again. The last time I did it I was 10. Now, I think that given the time and allowed to go at my own pace I could do the hike, however, I am afraid that I would not be able to enjoy the cave tour because of a fear of getting stuck, or breaking off their wonderful stalactites with my backside as I turn around.

    Hey! Maybe that can be by bucket list item to accomplish by next summer??

    • That’s a great idear for an accomplishment, Dorothy. I hiked Mount Timpanogus once back when I was a teenager. I remember wanting to vomit the whole way up… it was not a good experience… but, I was also extremely out of shape and overweight… so, I might have to add that hike to my list too… just so I can get the bad taste out of my mouth!

  8. Liz

    Definitely get hiking poles if you start to go out more. Poles are a lifesaver on the knees going downhill. And you look super cool. Hiking boots for the ankles are a must have as well. Hi-Tec or Columbia are cheaper but good quality.
    I bet if you have a visitor center near by they will have info on trails for length and ease. Also, see if any of the ski resorts run their lifts in the summer. Hike up and take the lift down!!! I do it in town here all the time. Great views too.
    Have fun! HIking is great exercise and beautiful!!

    • Liz… I love your tips… because I know you must be a hiker extraordinaire… what, with you living in WY and all! I am definitely adding those to my list… and we do have a visitor’s center at the enterance to the canyon, so I might have to drop off and see what they have to offer. LOVE the ski lift idea too!

  9. Hate hiking! Really not my thing. I remember being newly married and having my sweetie drag me up that big mountain down south – timpanogas I think. We got to the top and there were glaciers up there which was kind of cool though!

    I just dropped in to catch up on the posts that I’d missed. I finally put in my email – so I should be much better at keeping up now! 🙂

    Just because I need someone to tell – and you just happen to be the author of this blog (lucky you! J/K)- bear with me as I talk for a minute! I noticed your badge thing from my fitness pal. I’ve had that app on my phone since about January – but I couldn’t bear to stick with it. I did something similar a few years back called the daily plate. It was great! I lost all the weight I wanted to. My life was simpler back then. It’s been out of control the last year and a half – which is why I gained back the weight I’d lost 😦 So, I’ve been trying to take back control the last little while and hopefully be better prepared for any craziness that will likely ensue in the coming months. I mentioned in my last comment (if you remember!) that I was starting to play racquetball again. It’s been absolutely my saving grace! I get all my stress and aggression on that little rubber ball and I love it! I just started doing my fitness pal again this week and it’s been good! Accounting for everything I put in my mouth has been easy this week! I don’t need to eat to fill those emotional needs anymore! I’m so excited! I finally got my scale to work long enough to weigh myself – so I now know how far I have to go to get back to my target weight. Being back on track feels so great! I’m just so excited I needed to tell someone! Thanks for listening! 🙂

    And, I’d still love to go over to the batting cages sometime! You can look me up in the ward directory and give me a call or email me at taralee_duffin@hotmail.com .

    Thanks for authoring such a great blog! While reading the posts I’d missed today I found myself laughing and then crying about 5 min later! Thanks Whitney! 🙂

    • Taralee… that is awesome! I think it feels like such an accomplishment to feel like you are in “control” of your eating… and it looks like you are racking up the control with using the raquet ball as a way to relieve stress and tracking food! If you want to add me on MyFitnessPal, my username is WhitneyW78

      I’m so glad you enjoy the blog… It surprises me that people have the patience to read my nonsence, but I’m so grateful. So, thank you! And I will email you about those batting cages. I think that would be fun!

    • Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

      I am on MFP too.
      My username is Proudmomoftwo.

  10. The river is so high right now in Logan Canyon! It’s craziness. I’ve never seen it like that before. I was surprised at all the flooding up there. I do love being up in the mountains, but I have the exertional asthma thing and if I don’t start out slow (or take my inhaler before I go), I get siiiick. I think I would really enjoy hiking if I could go at a decent pace. I do love being in the mountains.

    • I know… the river is CRAZY full! They closed off my favorite dam too (2nd) and everything! Maybe the hiking on straight ground is a better idear… hope you had fun in Bear Lake!

  11. Pingback: Hiking… Take 2 « craving a life

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