Shorter-than-usual week equals skip Playlist Wednesdee… unless you want to pop in some countrified yee-haw twanger music… I’d suggest George Jones or Merle Haggard or Conway Twitty (how awesome would it be if yer name were Twitty!? Then my name would totes be Whitty Twitty! I reckon I should head on down to the courthouse and get my name officially changed before that one is taken!)
Last Thursday, we up and went to the world famous rodeo in Oakley, Utah… what!? You’ve never heard of Oakley, Utah!? Neither has anyone else… population of 948 people and a sign that reads, Welcome to Oakley… home of the famous 4th of July Rodeo! LOL… now I’ve heard of it. I wasn’t originally planning on going… seating is totes the death of me as I’ve mentioned approximately 3 million times before on this here blog (Broken Record was nearly my middle name… but then we changed it to kick patootie!) I changed my mind the night before and decided to get me a ticket. Live by the seat of your pants… that’s my motto since approximately NEVER! Of course, I only had an extra helping of anxiety once I purchased my ticket… it was assigned seating, see… and I’m all worried that I won’t be able to fit in just one seat… and I’ll hog up the space for all the people around me. So, here I go getting back on that dagnabbed computer and buy me 2 more seats… for a total of 3 seats and 36 dollars later. Y’all… someone needs to come and string me up by my toes on a live telephone pole… because seriously… who in their friggin fraggin mind needs 3 seats… unless you are born with 7 rear receptacles and a nose-picking disorder. Y’all… if the world were to collapse the minute before the rodeo started, I would at least have 2 additional seats… take that to your prayer meeting!
Now that my 15 rear ends are all situated, I get up early on Thursdee morning to go to work early (on 2-1/2 hours of sleep) before I head out at 4:00 p.m. It’s about a 2-1/2-hour drive… and I get to sit in the back seat with Ma and Pa Kettle… something I haven’t done since I was a kid… on account of the fact that I have 15 rears and there weren’t no room for 3 people with my stuff in tow. The reason I’m in the backseat is because Sister Lindsay has a phobia about driving… she has to drive or risk the possibility of hyperventilating to DEATH. Man… y’all best feel pretty good about the normalcy of your families right about now. I’m hyperventilating in the backseat due to my car sickness phobia and claustrophobia and she’s hyperventilating in the front seat with her driving phobia. In the meantime, we’s got some cows awaiting our arrival!
We finally arrive in blink-and-you-miss-it Oakley and walk into the food tent… which oddly enough smells like a mixture of all sorts of livestock manure and pizza… of course I get to starving for a piece of turdy pizza! Woo boy! They had no vegetarian menu… I done asked… so I settled on one piece of cheese turdy pizza, which I only ended up eating 1/3 of because I swore I could taste the dung on the top of it. No matter… Rodeo food ain’t my thing anyways. We head over to find our seats, only to realize that the family bought tickets for seats that did not exist! LOLLLLLLL!!!!! They had seat numbers for seats with no seats on them… did I mention… LOLLLLLLLLL!! Whitney to the rescue with her stash of seats… what did I tell you about Girl Scouts and cookies and preparation!? Turns out, my receptacle only needed one seat (good thing I was so prepared), but my 2 extra seats went to the seating of the needy. Who’s making fun of anxiety Whitney now? Nice, huh!?
Let me explain a rode-i-e-i-o to you city slickers. A cowboy wakes up one morning in his Wranglers (seriously don’t know how he gets them off, so I imagine he just wears them all the time) and says to himself… My brain is not in the right place in my noggin! How to solve that!? Go get the brain jiggled into place by mounting an angry bull!! Yessirree, Billy Bob! And then when he succeeds in bucking your Wrangler butt onto the ground, just cross your fingers that he doesn’t decide to flatten your skull into a nice pancakey shape. Oh, and then they hire these dudes in clown outfits to volunteer to see if they can outrun the frigging fragging angry thing with horns! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT GIG! If I don’t outrun him, I’ll just… you know… DIE!!!!!!!!
Needless to say… Rodeos ROCK! I’m being serious. I quite enjoyed myself when all was said and done… even if it was an uncharacteristically cold June day… high 40s/low 50s by the time we left… Brrrrrrrr… that’s what the 15 jackets I brought were for! Lessons learned for next time: Car sick claustrophobes can still ride in the backseat through the canyon with a barf bag on hand, 15 rear receptacles can fit into one seat, and always prepare for invisible seats by purchasing an extra dozen or so. I also learned that I like the position my brain is in my noggin just fine!
Question of the Day: Have you ever been to a rodeo? What is your favorite event to watch?