A Perspective Is Worth A Thousand Gremlins…

Pictures, pictures, pictures… why do you peeve me off so?  Not pictures of other people… no… never.  But, pictures of myself from the shoulders down about throw me into a dagnabbed conniption.  I try to avoid them at all costs, but I happened to look at a recent one this morning… one of me all smiley and hallelujah-ey standing next to skinny folk and I wanted to bawl.  I look like that!?  STILL!?!?!?!  Really!?!?  I look in the mirror.  I look in the mirror every dagnabbed day and while I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, I don’t think I look that bad.  But pictures… pictures are 25,000 times worse and this one made me pissed off.  Pretty sure a beached whale looks smaller than I did in that picture.  And then I get that stupid gremlin dude that lives up in my noggin jabbering in my ear about what a failure I am and that I should probably go buy a cake from the bakery and down the whole thing to soothe my sorrows.  223 pounds lost should look frigging amaze-balls!  Instead, I’m stuck wondering how many whole watermelon, rind and all, I can fit into my gut with overflow in the bane of my existence.  I think too much… I need to remove my brain and try to sell it on the junk-to-treasure section of eBay!

It’s not like this has never happened before in my LONG ole journey to the land of normal-sized clothing.  It’s happened many times along the way, but I always seem to freak out and think that I’m going to turn back into that one chick who didn’t care.  She just let herself go, quit counting her calories, and took up residence on the elected couch cushion for days on end.  It’s low self confidence that causes this.  If I was a more confident person, I could just brush it off as the lighting was bad or I wasn’t standing up straight or that camera SUCKS… and move forward.  So, we’re going to have to get some perspective here… ignore me while I smack myself in the head.

Type 2 Diabetes… Gone… I was diagnosed when I was 16 years old and I went from insulin shots at least 4 times a day (with several different kinds of insulin) AND countless oral pills, to half of a pill… and that is just for precautionary purposes.

Sleep Apnea… gone… went from wearing a nasal cannula oxygen mask with an oxygen machine that sounded like a freight train was passing through my room to NO oxygen.

Car Seat Belts… can wear (most of) them now… no extender necessary.

Walking… can do it… Used to be after 5 minutes I was ready for a nap… and my reserved bed in the intensive care unit.

Tying shoelaces…  done… I used to have to stand up and put my foot on a chair to tie them… and even then the whole time I was gasping for breath.  Now, I can actually sit in a chair, bend over and tie my shoelaces.  People… you take that for granted… it is a glorious feeling!

Shirt size… am fitting into a 2X now (depending on the brand and fabric)… used to be a 6X.

Biking for the first time as an adult.

Chairs with arms/Booths… Can fit into most of them now.  Most… not all.  I will get you, you freakishly small Eccles chairs!

Brain just fell out, so I’ll stop here.  Whitney… listen up, pal… next time you decide to look at a full length picture of yourself… do yourself a favor and don’t… unless you want to add another watermelon to that gut of yours!

Question of the Day:  What are your list of accomplishments?
What topic would you like to see more of in this blog of mine? 

Also… have a fantabulous last weekend in July (and tell the summer to slow down… it’s going wayyyyy too fast!)

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21 Comments

Filed under Little Things, Nonscale Victories

21 responses to “A Perspective Is Worth A Thousand Gremlins…

  1. 223lbs is amazing. Well done and your list of ‘done’ is great. It’s great to see how you get through those tough moments when we’re not so kind to ourselves – it’s a great idea. Wishing you all the very best

  2. Deanna

    I’m so glad you posted the things you HAVE accomplished. What an amazing journey you are on. You are indeed an inspiration to me. My goal this summer was to ride my bike more. Yesterday was a record–16 miles. I wish I could say it was helping me lose weight, but it’s not. That idea of “eat less” is hard for me.

    • Thank you, Deanna… just a road bump… nothing more! 😀 16 miles is an awesome ride! I haven’t done that much in one trip yet… 12 is my limit so far… but that’s because my rear starts to hurting too bad! Eating less is the hardest part of it all!

  3. cl2

    Look how far you’ve come! Wow! I know that voice, though. One thing that always helps me is I have this picture my sister had of my mother and I–I keep it on the TOP of the refrig (so nobody can see it unless I show them)–and if I think I’m fat now, I get that picture out. My daughter and ex couldn’t believe it. When you are around people all the time–they don’t realize it. So–when I feel like I’m STILL THAT BIG–I get out that picture and remember the tight size 26W. I’m still aiming for getting of diabetes meds and you’ve done it! What you have accomplished is amazing–Whitney! Your blog keeps me going on remembering that if you can do this–so can I.

  4. Jen

    You are smart to look at all your accomplishments along the way to reaching your big goal of weight loss. That will keep you going. I wouldn’t mind hearing more about your meal plans and what you eat, even though I am not really on a diet. Have a good weekend too.

  5. max wade

    Whit,
    I know it isn’t always easy to look at the positive and not the negative, but look what you have accomplished. I am so proud of you for all that you have done. We love you hang in there and good things will come your way.
    Max

    • Thanks, Max!! I do believe it’s true… I just have to spout off the steam every once in a while… woman hormones, I think is what they call it!! Save me a horse up there one day!

  6. Karen

    Whitney,
    Keep going! We all have moments of discouragement. Weight is not my issue, unless it is that I do not want to eat. You are doing great! Lots of us care and read this blog every day–even miss you on the weekends. Keep taking pictures–you see the beauty around you! Have a good weekend–I’m hoping I see you at the farmer’s market.

    • Thank you, Karen… very true… we all get discouraged, but it’s when you dust yourself on and just keep on going that shows true character!! I’m aiming to visit the farmer’s market… I guess I should get to bed so I can make it before they close shop! 😛

  7. I get the whole picture thing. The last time I started keeping a food diary and working at slimming down, I had seen the pictures from a recent vacation to California. There’s one picture in particular that really bothered me. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t think I looked like that, but the picture itself was brutal for me.

    List of accomplishments…. Hmm… since I started keeping a food diary again, my clothes are fitting a better again. You have quite a list there Whitney, I’m afraid mine greatly pales in comparison!

    • Taralee… love when people can relate about the picture thing… makes it not as psychotic sounding. It’s totally a mind game. I know plenty of people who love themselves no matter what they look like… I’ll have to get to that point… slowly but surely. I have been muy impressed with your diaries… they are full of healthy things and you are whooping the racquetball playing!

  8. Dessa Wade

    I happened to disagree with you Whitney about not looking any better. I notice everyday how much better you look. It doesn’t seem to do any good to tell you this though since you don’t believe anybody.
    Keep on keeping on. You are doing awesome!

  9. Ally

    Whitney, please don’t beat yourself up. You have come so far. You are so inspiring to so many. Don’t discount all that you have done so far. You will have those days when it seems like you haven’t done anything, but I have such faith that you are going to accomplish anything you set your mind to. You go biker chic!

    • Very true, Ally… I shouldn’t beat myself up. It’s good therapy for me to write it all out, though… I guess it’s much better than just eating it away. Just a road bump, right… you know these things better than anyone! Get up and move on! Thanks, girl… and you inspire me every day as well.

  10. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    I totally get this.
    I battle with the dreaded picture taking issue too.
    I don’t mind being behind the camera but if I am in front of it, I usually try and barricade myself behind my kids.
    I have lost almost 50 lbs and I don’t see a whole lot of difference in pics. Some – yes…but not like I had envisioned.
    People don’t tell me that they notice that I have lost wt either.
    My mother and my kids and my Dh say it but they KNOW and they SEE what I do everyday to lose wt.
    If my hair dresser doesn’t notice and she hasn’t seen me since Easter….what does that say?
    I just keep pushing forward.
    What other choice is there really? Going back to what I was before…really?
    No, I don’t think so.
    One day I will accomplish my goal and I will like being in pics again.

    Question of the Day: What are your list of accomplishments?

    I think my biggest accomplishment since this past March is finally having that Ah- HA moment and turning my lifestyle around. The fact that I have lost almost 50 lbs is a testament to that moment and every decision I have made from that day to this one.
    My Dad is proud of me for finally getting to the point to change my lifestyle. That means a lot to me but since he is dying, I am glad he chose to tell me. ( I saw my oldest brother yesterday and he is over 400 lbs now. He spent about 3 hrs with our Dad and although we invited him to stay and eat a healthy dinner…he chose to go out to an Italian restaurant and bury his emotions). I really wish he would have his Ah- Ha moment…but I am not optimistic….
    I pray he does have his moment and is able to turn it all around before his diabetes and high blood pressure send him to an early grave.

    I also accomplished my goal of coaching my daughter’s sand vball team this summer.

    Keep on …keepin’ on….

    • Pictures… ugh… I’m glad to know others who can relate though, Louisa. I can so relate to your brother… and you are right… he has to have his own ah-ha moment. Nobody can do it for him… it’s got to be all him… otherwise it won’t work. I’ll send up thoughts and prayers for him.

      I’m glad your dad chose to tell you he was proud of you and he should be… you are doing awesome!

  11. Lindsay

    Take it from your sis! I SEE A DIFFERENCE, the so called “bane of your existence” will be gone soon so no worries your looking great!

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