Side Note… um… there was just a drunk dude singing show tunes outside of my window. Considering I do not live in a busy city, it is 2:00 in the morning, and there is a total of 1 bar in a 30-mile radius, this concerns me. Maybe I should offer him some pants and a mouth gag. At least he was more entertaining than all the live rodents and birds I’ve had stuck in my window well previously. Should have asked if he took requests… I’m really aching to hear his rendition of “I Will Survive”!
I learned really early on in life how to fib… okay fine, fib is an understatement… I lied like a frigging dog! It saved me from spankings and groundings and other punishments many a time. I especially used my new found skill when it came to food and eating and sneaking into said food. I cannot even count how many times when I had snuck into the cookie jar for a handful or 12 handfuls of Oreos… and my mom would ask if I’d been in the cookies, I’d tell her I hadn’t whilst I had black Oreo crumbs pasted to every crevice of my mouth and teeth. Stupid Oreos anyway!! I was much more credible with the Twinkies! DISCLAIMER: I do not condone lying unless it gets you an extra piece of candy or a lottery win.
I became very good at my lies. At the age of 16 when I finally got my driver’s license, I’d make up elaborate excuses for why I’d have to leave the house… some friend emergency or work emergency or I had to make an emergent run down to the K-Mart for zit cream… just to be able to get to use the car for a food run. The problem with lying when it comes to food is I became a closet eater. In front of people, I ate in sensible portions and even turned down dessert… but behind the scenes when all alone, it became an all-you-can-eat smorgasboard of sugar and lard and anything edible really… because that was the only time I wouldn’t get the stink eye for my food choices. Some people are scurred of ghosts or boogey men or serial killers… I was scurred of the stink eye! You know the stink eye… that disapproving look you get when you take too many scoops of ice cream or choose the fried chicken instead of the baked at the restaurant? THAT look.
In fact, I got so good at my lying, that when I was 5 years old, I conjured up a whole scenario in my noggin and got my sister and little playmates to be the actors in the play with me. I told my parents that we had been approached by a big truck and a scary-looking guy in this big truck offered us some candy if we’d come and sit in his cab with him. That’s when we all started screaming and ran into the house. I have to say that fibbing aside, I gave one helluva Oscar-worthy performance complete with tears and shrieking voice… so much so, that my folks called the Police and had them send an officer out to the house. The officer came and I lied to him too. I showed him the tire tracks where this scary-looking, candy-offering dude supposedly pulled onto the lawn. I made up what the dude looked like (scraggly hair, a beard and a mustache). Friendly officer wrote all of this down in his little notebook and I was pretty darn proud of myself because I was already good at lying at the age of 5. DISCLAIMER: Again, I was 5, so I’m obviously not responsible for my own actions or my transgressions, Adam and Eve. It was also during the Safety Kids phase, so I blame my parents for buying me those tapes and books.
Anyhow, point being… lying is bad… especially to police officers. Why am I blabbering on about this? I’ve had several people ask me why I don’t have my food diary public on MyFitnessPal… It’s because I’m still scurred of that dagnabbed stink eye… people judging me for not eating ONLY vegetables. If I make my diary public, I know I’ll just start lying again. Lying about what I eat is not something I’m going to go back to… so until I get to that point where I’m comfortable with having people judge my food, my diary will be private. Just know that I eat like a normal person… I eat all of my allotted calories… and I truly do believe all things in moderation. If you don’t believe me… call 9-1-1 because they did!
Question of the Day: Did you fib much as a kid? How about now as an adult?