The Land With Sugar!

I haven’t been to any concert concerts this year.  There was a time when I attended them ALL… all of ’em… but then it got too difficult with the bane of my existence making seating near impossible… and the fact that venues do not let you pick an aisle seat on the floor in a chair without arms just made me give it up completely.  Take that, you overly priced concert people!  Me and my bane will just sit on the couch and eat us some Pizza Hut and watch us our stories on the Food Network (yes, they have stories on the Food Network… that one about how the pizza married the calzone… that was so touching)!  And all the Pizza Huts are mourning the loss of my weekly calling sessions.  Take that, you greasy deep dish heart attack!  Oh, I still have it on occasion… just not once a week with my slice being circular instead of triangley.

Oh good gravy… this topic is NOT about pizzas, Whitney.  MOVE ON!  So, anywho… my first concert in a while was Sugarland in Salt Lake City on Saturday night.  I measured the stadium seats with my butt when I broke into the local football stadium earlier this year and even though I found I could fit into them, I still bought myself 2 seats so I wouldn’t squoosh the person next to me… and okay, I admit it… I’m dagnabbed PARANOID!  That’s also not counting the 4 other seats I “accidentally” bought when I realized that the “Sugarpit” is a standing only thing… heck if I’m going to stand for 4 hours straight in my rocking horse shoes.  We eventually sold 3 of the 4 other seats to a random girl from the Internet… which left us with one (and my extra butt seat).  Thanks to Holly for coming along… I know it couldn’t have been easy living around these 3 jacked up folk with brain issues for so many hours in a row.  It was fun, though… we should do it again!

Holly, Madre, and Lindser chillin' between wind and rain gusts.

Turns out, I fit into the dagnabbed seat just fine, so didn’t need the 2 seats… though I’m still convinced that Lindsay and Madre, sitting on either side of me, were a bit scrunched… even if they kept saying they weren’t.  It didn’t really matter in the long run because when you be sitting in a concert that serves beer, you don’t actually get to sit in your seat for more than 35 seconds at a time.  There’s a secret circle amongst concert goers… goes a little bit like this… shimmy through row for beer run, make EVERYBODY on the row stand up so beer dudes can get out, come back to row with 2 beers, make everybody stand up so they can get back to their seat… and then when they’re done drinking their two 24-ouncers, they have to make a potty run, so then EVERYBODY in the row stands up again, and then they come back with… you guessed it… 2 more beers in each paw.  It’s like a neverending cycle of ridonculous!  On the upside, I did get aquainted with a lot of people’s hair follicles as they tried to drunkenly shimmy past me.  I should have asked to sit in the nondrinking section… it was a sign when I sat behind a girl who was wearing a tank top that said VODKA in big letters on the back of it.

Sara Bareilles was the opening act and she was cute as a button singing all of her hits like Love Song and King of Anything and my personal favorite, Gravity.  Which almost did not get sung until I telepathically sent her a message that she could not leave the stage without singing my favorite song and she got right to it on her way off.

Sara Bareilles singing with Sugarland's, Kristian Bush...

Then there was a big ole intermission while they set up the stage for Sugarland, which was pretty much bare bones seeing as all of their equipment, set, and instruments got crushed in the aforementioned tragedy.  We took this time to make the people at the end of our row do what we had been doing for 2 hours now… stand up so we could go get us a beer!  We settled on some roasted nuts and a show by a lady wearing a silky slip dress in 50 mph wind with polka dotted boxers on underneath it.  At least she was wearing the boxers… GLORY HALLELUJAH for that.  And by the by… if you were curious, no I did not ask her to lift up her dress so I could see her boxers, the wind did that for everyone else in the vicinity.  Two shows for the price of one!

Lindsay and Madre posing by the star of the show!

I went for the cashews with the happy dude on the front of it:

Then it was time for the main attraction… the two 65-year-old stylish women in the Sugarpit.  I swear to you they were dancers on the original Solid Gold dance show (that was a show right?)… SWEAR!  They were busting up a drunken move… and probably a couple of hips in the process.  I done recognized some of their dance moves… since most of them were from my 90s aerobics classes… the famous touch the elbow to the knee move, sway drunkenly back and forth leaning on some other drunken stranger move, climb over people’s heads to dance with random other drunken people 5 rows back moves.  They had them ALL down.  Jennifer Nettles (of Sugarland) even pointed them out one time, saying, I see you 2 crazy women.  Despite having no fancy set like the last time we saw them and no costume changes, Sugarland knows how to put on a show.  It was a fun concert and I’d go again… despite the beer run shuffle.

Sugarland sugaring it up!

I’m mad at myself, though.  On the way home, Holly, Madre, and I ran into the Asphalt Moses… seriously!  I ain’t joking you!  Ask anyone I know.  He was a construction worker (apparently it’s hard times since Biblical days).  He was wearing his head wrap with band tied across it and was holding his shovel up like he was about to part the dagnabbed road with his staff.  And he had a beard!!!  I was mad because I didn’t get proof with a picture… Madre was in no mood to be embarrassed by her daughter asking some random construction worker at midnight if he’d give me his Mose-agraph (that would be a Moses autograph)!  Such a shame too… I could have had my real copy of the Bible autographed.

Question of the Day:  What’s the last concert you went to?  If you haven’t been to a concert recently, who would you like to see perform live and why? 


Filed under Family, Nonscale Victories

21 responses to “The Land With Sugar!

  1. Avster

    The last concert I went to was Selah in… umm…200something. :b

    I’d love to see a Rich Mullins concert, but I’m afraid that’s impossible. 😦

    • That is amazing, Avster… you and she were alive in the year 200-something AD!!?!?!? Or was it BC? I don’t think I’ve ever heard either of those singers sing before.

      • Avster

        Selah sings pretty much older hymns and once in a while some newer hymns.

        Rich Mullins was a singer and an amazing songwriter. He passed away in ’97.

  2. Holly H.

    I love ‘jacked up folk with brain issues’, you three are seriously hilarious. The last concert I went to before this one was Shania Twain clear back in 2003. I loved the concert but the pinnacle of the night really was seeing Moses working road construction.

  3. dessawade

    Well said Whit! I LOVE concerts and have been to many but I want to go the Vegas and see Celine Dion again. She puts on a fabulous concert and puts 200% into it.

  4. Jen

    I hope you are feeling better today. I last saw George Strait and he was AMAZING! I do want to see Tim McGraw again sometime soon too. Looks like you had fun at Sugarland. Wish you could have gotten a picture of Moses too!

  5. Liz

    I know it’s not your thing, but we went to a fantastic Metallica cover band on Saturday at a local bar. There were lots of drunks, but that’s what bouncers are for. Of course, we have also been to see Wanda Jackson (the Queen of Rock), several funk bands and Willie Nelson’s son, Lukas Nelson.

  6. Christie

    I might get made fun of for this, but the last concert I saw was Hanson, and that wasn’t in like ’98, it was like last September. 🙂

    • MmmmmmBop! I’ve heard Hanson the later years is great! I need to listen to a current CD of theirs some time. I heard that that cute lead singer brother has like 8 billion kids now… which makes me feel so old!!! He was just a little piker!

  7. I’m glad you got to go to the concert and that it was a good experience despite the tragedy. I love Sara Bareilles and Gravity is also one of my favorites although King of Anything is pretty awesome and I’m also a huge fan of Uncharted for the happier side of things. The last concert I saw was Colors (yes, I love them) last year. Hope you’re feeling better and get to go to more concerts soon!

  8. Whitney, that sounds like it was so fun!!! I have tickets for my bff from high school and I to go to Rascal Flatts here in a few weeks!!! I’m seriously so excited! 🙂 I feel like I should go out and buy some cute cowboy boots just for the occasion!

    My dear hubby took me to Vegas last fall to see Michael Buble. It was a great concert! The downer was that I was sooo swamped with work, I took so much with me to do – I didn’t enjoy it like I should have. 😦 Love, love, love Michael Buble though!

    Hope you’re feeling loads better ! Sending hugs and good vibes to you! 🙂

    • I am jealous that you saw Michael Buble! He’s definitely on my list of must see… he would be a great entertainer and I love that kind of music! Sucks about the work sucking some of the fun out of it, though!

      I’ve seen Rascal Flatts in concert at least 2 times… You will have a blast! 🙂 Cowboy boots and a hat are a must… especially if you want to blend in with the drunkards!

  9. Ally

    Funny. I was just thinking about that today. I haven’t been to a concert in forever. I might like to see Mumford and Sons or the Avett Brothers. They are my favs right now. Hope your feeling better. Great post!

  10. Louisa

    Question of the Day: What’s the last concert you went to? If you haven’t been to a concert recently, who would you like to see perform live and why?

    My sister took my mom and my daughter and myself to see Josh Groban in concert in June for my birthday. My husband and my son stayed with my Dad while we were out ( he was sick but still able to do stuff for himself then ).

    I would like to take my daughter to see Celine Dion.
    I would like to take my family to see Celtic Women in concert.


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