I’ve now officially been on 5 hikes this summer, so that totally qualifies me to have a say in changing some of the common practices of the forest. This past Wednesday I had a day off from work, having worked the previous weekend, so I jaunted myself up to the land of meeses and broken bridges to take in some nature. I said to myself… Self… there are very few remaining nice days left before winter blankets your soul into an everlasting marsh of despair and sorrow… take advantage! (No, I hadn’t just been watching Deadly Women… why do you ask?) I never intended to do an actual hike while I was there… my intention was to sit my rump in a camp chair in the sun and read a book after walking around the lake once. End of story. That would explain why I was in no way, shape, or form prepared to do a hike. Case in point:
My back pack? A Honks Dollar Store sack which I just happened to rip within the first 5 seconds on the trail. Most people carry, you know, granola bars and water and a sack lunch and first aid kits and, you know… smart things in their backpacks. What did I carry in my torn up Honks sack? 3 packages of AA batteries, 8 ounces of water, a camera, and a video recorder. Why 3 packs of AA batteries? Obviously, so I could start me a fire using a battery and the rays of the sun and roast invisible marshmallows whilst gnawing on the cardboard battery package. Plus, if I ran across a fellow hiker whose electric razor ran out of batteries on the trail, I’d be all like… a hero or something.
I also was wearing rocking horse shoes and socks with a hole in the toe… prime hiking gear! I passed all of these folks on their way down from the trail who were all decked out in their mountainman best… and here I be walking past with a plastic torn-up Honks sack hooked to my arm. Why the idiotic decision to hike despite the lack of preparation? I wanted to tell myself I could do it. And I think I could have done it if I’d actually started at a decent time… instead I started at 4:00 and ended up turning around 80 minutes into the hike up because I was afraid it would be dark before I could make it down and then I’d get trampled by meeses who don’t like AA batteries. I’m almost sure I was within steps of the final destination of White Pine Lake… but I had been saying that for the last 20 minutes… a girl’s gotta draw the line somewhere. Besides that fact, downhill for me is a lot more difficult than uphill… just because 2 little ankles ain’t meant to support 298 pounds of weight on precarious, uneven surfaces… all the while fighting with gravity and a holey Honks sack! Forest people… you ought to consider installing big flashing signs along the trail (after paving it) that say things like: You’re almost there, sport! or Keep on truckin’, pardner. or Don’t turn around now, you only have 20 feet left. Something that tells me how the dagnabbed much longer I have to go… come on now! Who needs an Eagle Scout project!? I’d do it, but they only allow we girls to make and sell cookies… Thin Mints anyone!?
Three total hours later, I’d made it back to my car, exhausted, dying of thirst, and stiff as a stale corn muffin… just in time to miss the darkness. I can’t say that I had that much fun on this particular hike, due to my idioticness… and I was stiff and sore in the leg region for a few days afterwards, but I’m still glad I did it… even if I did fall short of the destination… y’all… it’s totes about the journey!
Question of the Day: Do you consider yourself spontaneous?
This is what I looked like at the start of the trail… literally 2 steps in:
And this would be what I looked like all the way back down:
Except with less neatly brushed hairs.