Black Friday… aptly named because it’s like a funeral… you wear black to a funeral to mourn the dead… I wore black to Black Fridee to mourn my sanity!!!!!! I ain’t lying. The sanity flew into one of those psycho women’s carts and left with her in the night… and no… I wasn’t the chiquita with the pepper spray in a CA Wally World. Not me… good try, though!
For some dagblasted reason, I attended Black Friday sales. I should know better. I worked at K-Mart just out of high school for 5 years… and worked every Black Friday of those 5 years. I witnessed people shoving people out of the way to get in through the doors at 5:00 a.m., fist fights that needed to be broke up, some woman ramming a dude with her cart because she wanted the last toaster oven. I was always so embarrassed for those so called “adults.” So, when I no longer had that retail store job, I vowed I’d never attend another Black Friday again for as long as I lived.
I lied… what’s new? (This lying thing has become a recurrent blog topic.)
Sister Lindsay and BIL Shayne just so happened to need a new camera. They saw a dandy one for a good price in the Wal-Mart ads. Madre and I decided to tag along. We get there at 11:30 p.m. (most sales started at midnight) to 8 bajillion and 20 people already hovering around various pallets that were saran wrapped until some unlucky Wal-Mart worker had to go into the lion’s den at midnight and tear the suckers off. Sucks to be you, Wal-Mart worker… hope you have good medical insurance when the pack of wildabeasts attack and trample. Wading through all of those people was like a fat chic trying to make her home in a can of sardines… I tell you what. Claustraphobia was on high alert!
It’s so funny how these things work. I had no idea what any of the crap people were standing around was… none of us did. All we knew is that we were there to get a camera. Yet, when the clock struck midnight and that saran wrap was torn off, I turned into some psycho shopper person, shoving my way through the crowd just to say I got one of the items they were standing around. When I surfaced from the crowd, I had an armful of stuff I’d never have needed if these psycho people hadn’t told me I needed it…blu-ray players (2 of them because I could), hard drives, speakers for iPods, movies I would have never watched in my lifetime… an ugly red sweater with a reindeer eating a bowl of fruit cake knitted on the front. You know… stuff Hoarders buy!
When we finally got home at around 1:30 in the morning, I had thankfully ditched the blu-ray players and most of the movies… but I still walked out with a portable hard drive for picture and music storage! Now, to figure out how to get it out of the box! 😛
An hour of sleep later and we were up again… Lindsay needed to buy 30 poinsettas for a church party she was throwing… I did not exaggerate… I said THIRTY! THey were 99 cents each and the limit was 10 per person, so Madre and I had to pretend we didn’t know Lindsay and buy 10 each. That was totes worth getting up at 4:30 in the morning for… TOTES!!
That’s a dagnabbed gaggle of poinsettas… a GAGGLE! We drove those suckers home to make room in the trunk and then headed back out into the land of losers to buy half price socks and board games. Then, to top it all off, I got talked into purchasing me a pressure cooker by a couple of MFP buddies (what up, Nammyl and Samerah!) Quick, nutritious meals in minutes… why yes, I think I will. Kitchen Kneads was having a sale on a Cuisinart model, and they didn’t open until 7:00 a.m. Apparently, some weirdos were waiting in line since 2:30 to buy them one… so I missed out on the sleepover par-tay! Now, I have me an electric pressure cooker, but I’m intimidated to high heaven to use it. I’m not sure if anyone has ever done it, but I’m pretty sure that I can find a way to blow up the world via pressure cooker… it’s not in the instruction manual, but if there’s a way… Whitney will find it.
Question of the Day: Do you Black Friday shop? Any great deals?
Ho ho ho… Merry Black Friday, Insane Whitney!