I Am Insane… You Already Knew That… But Now It’s Official!

Black Friday… aptly named because it’s like a funeral… you wear black to a funeral to mourn the dead… I wore black to Black Fridee to mourn my sanity!!!!!!  I ain’t lying.  The sanity flew into one of those psycho women’s carts and left with her in the night… and no… I wasn’t the chiquita with the pepper spray in a CA Wally World.  Not me… good try, though!

For some dagblasted reason, I attended Black Friday sales.  I should know better.  I worked at K-Mart just out of high school for 5 years… and worked every Black Friday of those 5 years.  I witnessed people shoving people out of the way to get in through the doors at 5:00 a.m., fist fights that needed to be broke up, some woman ramming a dude with her cart because she wanted the last toaster oven.  I was always so embarrassed for those so called “adults.”  So, when I no longer had that retail store job, I vowed I’d never attend another Black Friday again for as long as I lived.

I lied… what’s new? (This lying thing has become a recurrent blog topic.)

Sister Lindsay and BIL Shayne just so happened to need a new camera.  They saw a dandy one for a good price in the Wal-Mart ads.  Madre and I decided to tag along.  We get there at 11:30 p.m. (most sales started at midnight) to 8 bajillion and 20 people already hovering around various pallets that were saran wrapped until some unlucky Wal-Mart worker had to go into the lion’s den at midnight and tear the suckers off.  Sucks to be you, Wal-Mart worker… hope you have good medical insurance when the pack of wildabeasts attack and trample.   Wading through all of those people was like a fat chic trying to make her home in a can of sardines… I tell you what.  Claustraphobia was on high alert!

It’s so funny how these things work.  I had no idea what any of the crap people were standing around was… none of us did.  All we knew is that we were there to get a camera.  Yet, when the clock struck midnight and that saran wrap was torn off, I turned into some psycho shopper person, shoving my way through the crowd just to say I got one of the items they were standing around.  When I surfaced from the crowd, I had an armful of stuff I’d never have needed if these psycho people hadn’t told me I needed it…blu-ray players (2 of them because I could), hard drives, speakers for iPods, movies I would have never watched in my lifetime… an ugly red sweater with a reindeer eating a bowl of fruit cake knitted on the front.   You know… stuff Hoarders buy!

When we finally got home at around 1:30 in the morning, I had thankfully ditched the blu-ray players and most of the movies… but I still walked out with a portable hard drive for picture and music storage!  Now, to figure out how to get it out of the box!  😛

An hour of sleep later and we were up again… Lindsay needed to buy 30 poinsettas for a church party she was throwing… I did not exaggerate… I said THIRTY!  THey were 99 cents each and the limit was 10 per person, so Madre and I had to pretend we didn’t know Lindsay and buy 10 each.  That was totes worth getting up at 4:30 in the morning for… TOTES!!

That’s a dagnabbed gaggle of poinsettas… a GAGGLE!  We drove those suckers home to make room in the trunk and then headed back out into the land of losers to buy half price socks and board games.  Then, to top it all off, I got talked into purchasing me a pressure cooker by a couple of MFP buddies (what up, Nammyl and Samerah!)  Quick, nutritious meals in minutes… why yes, I think I will.  Kitchen Kneads was having a sale on a Cuisinart model, and they didn’t open until 7:00 a.m.  Apparently, some weirdos were waiting in line since 2:30 to buy them one… so I missed out on the sleepover par-tay!  Now, I have me an electric pressure cooker, but I’m intimidated to high heaven to use it.  I’m not sure if anyone has ever done it, but I’m pretty sure that I can find a way to blow up the world via pressure cooker… it’s not in the instruction manual, but if there’s a way… Whitney will find it.

Question of the Day:  Do you Black Friday shop?  Any great deals? 

Ho ho ho… Merry Black Friday, Insane Whitney!

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17 Comments

Filed under Family, Getting A Life

17 responses to “I Am Insane… You Already Knew That… But Now It’s Official!

  1. cl2

    No–I don’t. I’ve been coerced a few times, but that was a LONG TIME ago. I did end up in a store looking at dog kennels–but that was it.

    My sister and I set up her ex-husband (he LOVES shopping) to go get 2 TVs for our brothers for Christmas. We stayed home and slept.

  2. Natalie

    You did it!! Hurray for pressure cookers!!! Your first recipe: V8 juice (all of it) frozen veggies, onion, garlic, pepper, a cube or 2 of bullion, anything else you can throw in, cut potatos in half and toss those in. cook 20 min (or less) ! Stew! I used beef, Elin used goat. I put in frozen peas and parsley/chives in afterward. You can put whatever in there with your stew.

    I got me black friday sex-ay boots. Not just one color, but 2!! Don’t tell my husband. If he never see’s the box he will never know. I think he’s color blind…Me and my Daughter In Law trying on and trying to get boots on and off in those little isles with boxes stacked and tipping all over…..

    • I’m already writing down the recipe to buy the ingredients!

      I saw the picture of your hot boots, Nam! I don’t think men recognize the new clothes too well so you may be safe with the husband. Otherwise, just tell him you found them on the street! 😛

  3. Dorothy Dingman

    I love Black Friday! Not for the reason most people think though. I go to people watch, it is my absolute favorite activity and the best time of the year to do it. There are times when I run across a great deal, but have never had to wade into the melee to get it. I wait and usually someone who grabbed a bunch simply because they could will usually start to sort through stuff and lay down the extras once their sanity returns, then I can just pick it up.

    You will love your portable hard drive. Ray gave me one last year for Christmas solely for the purpose of my many photos and music. It’s wonderful!! Hope you enjoy yours.

    • Dorothy!! Ha! People watching is hilarious at those events… that, and the county fairs. It’s amazing the kinds of people that come out for those things. I think I will really like my hard drive. I really need to free up my computer!

  4. Avster

    My boss’s ninety-seven year old father-in-law goes out every Black Friday and purchases ten poinsettias for where I work.

    I very rarely go out on Black Friday. There’s nothing I need badly enough to be mauled for… I ended up getting called in to work anyway so it was a good thing I wasn’t hither and yon.

  5. jen

    Can’t wait to hear about your pressure cooking adventures!

  6. Wow! That does sound downright insane! I love a good deal, but the whole claustrophobia of people thing totally outweighs that. Thus, I went for a hike instead:) Only people I saw were my family–nice 🙂

    • Hiking!!! HOw fun and adventurous are you? Also, I’m a little jealous that it was still pleasant enough to go hiking out yonder! Did you find a mountain? I’m so glad you had fam come over for Turkey Day. I bet that totally made your week!

  7. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Wow Whitney – you are lucky to have made it out alive…lol.

    Question of the Day: Do you Black Friday shop? Any great deals?

    No, I don’t do the whole Black Friday shopping thing. I prefer to NOT see people at their worst during the holiday season.
    Actually, I am a planner and so I shop all year long for all occasions & holidays. I like to find things when they are in stock, on sale, on special, or clearance. I don’t like the crowds and I always have my kids with me…therefore, Black Friday isn’t someplace we need to be.

    • Amen to that, Louisa. It was pretty embarrassing some of those people. It’s even worse to be working at the store on Black Friday because people yell at you when they don’t get the deal.

  8. Deanna

    Girl! Let me tell you what! I did that same crazy thing this year – despite the fact that I worked in retail for 5 years as well. I should definitely know better. However, I have, count them – 14 kids to purchase gifts for (please convince my family to stop reproducing!) and I had to save me some serious money! I found some good deals but the crowds were absolutely insane. I shopped from 9 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. the next morning. Yes, definitely crazy. I know.

    • Holy crap, Deanna!!! You are a trooper. At least I got a bit of a nap in the middle of my holiday psychoness! I agree with that many kids to buy for, it’s a good thing to get deals! You all need to draw names or something!!

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