I would like to thank the Academy and my good friend, Gayle… I’d also like to thank my pet guinea pig, Stedman; my Celine Dion and Justin Guarini Barbie Dolls; and my cat, Lucille Balls. 😛
So, not to brag or anything… but Oprah just totally sent me a package. We’re basically best friends by now… she knows my address (from the restraining order papers probably) and the last time I called her phone number it didn’t have one of those annoying this phone number has been disconnected beeps. Don’t believe me? Proof is in the putting:
BAM!! There it is! What was inside my Oprah package?
You best believe it… all the secrets to why Oprah is so dagnabbed queenly! Except when I opened the book all the pages were blank. Not sure if that means it’s printed in invisible ink or it’s a blank diary. Either way… screwed again by my pal, Oprey!
In all seriousness… months ago they had an offer where if you signed up for Oprah’s Lifeclass… a show that would air on her OWN network, the first so many people would get a free diary… bound in REAL faux pleather… a deep mahogany wine flavor… and covered in diamonds. My diamonds must have fallen off in transit. Really, Oprah… at least cubic zirconium for your favorite stalker! I had forgotten all about it and hadn’t even watched one episode of her lifeclass, so when I saw this in the mailbox today I had to laugh… but that didn’t stop me from making the announcement to everyone in the family that I got a package from Oprah!!!! Take that, Queen Latifah!
Meanwhile, back in the land of the noncrazies… my new kitty, Lucy (or as I have taken to call her… Lucy-Fur… say that outloud and you’ll know why Madre does not approve of the name… but she has fur and her name is Lucy!?!?!) has some interesting sleeping preferences. She’s pretty much dead to the world when she’s sleeping, so I can basically put on a puppet show using her hands and head and she doesn’t wake up… as proven in this video. If you watch that… and I would only watch it if your name is Lindsay and/or you’re a crazy cat lady… turn the volume WAAAAYYYYYY down… When I get around little cute things I seem to have an annoying high pitched voice. Oh yes you do… who’s the cutest kitty… oh yes you are! You know the kind? Anywho… Some of her sleeping positions…
This one is the sprawl… half on the cat bed… half on the carpet. I hear it’s a great way to relieve back tension.
This one is Whitney’s back rest/built in heater spread. And finally…
You have the baby doll… where’s my binky?
Tell me again why I wasn’t born a cat!?!?! Next life that’s my second choice… right after cow in India!! Have a great weekend friends. It’s the last weekend before Christmas, so dad… I’d hit the stores if I were you! 😛 I meant, anyone who doesn’t have a gift for their family member yet!
Question of the Day: Do you ever nap?
Oh, and Oprah wanted me to tell y’all this… on page one of her diary gift!!