You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me…

This fat chick danced the night away the other night… and by dance the night away I really mean jumped up and down flailing my arms around like I was trying to exit a burning building for 45 minutes.  Stop, drop, and roll… don’t forget the seizure medication!   I was at Best Buy last week helping Madre purchase her an iPAD… you heard me right… Madre is all technological these days.  Anyway… I was there and I came across a Zumba game for the Wii on clearance.  I had always been curious about Zumba since my mom, cuzzin, and sister rave about it… and there ain’t no way on this slightly brownish-grassed Earth I would ever Zumba up in a public joint… AIN’T NO WAY!!!  Since it was only 20 bucks (including Zumba belt), I bought it.

I’ve never been a video game person… I think the last video game I played was the Atari in the 80s… Keystone Kapers… so explain this to me… why was I doing Zumba with a jaundiced-looking chiquita?  I take that back… she was a multi-colored chiquita.  For 5 minutes she was jaundiced… the next 5 she was burning up with fever… and then another 5 she looked a bit green.  Give me a dagnabbed real person!  Jem and the Holograms was a great show, but I ain’t gonna stand for no hologram teaching me Zumba moves!   

Y’all… call the paramedics right now… I may be dislocating a hip any time now.  It’s not really my fault that I was born with the rhythm of a stick in the mud with an 800-pound gorilla sitting on top of it.  I’m just really not coordinated and definitely not light on my feet.  Picture a rhinocerous starring in the Swan Lake ballet and you’ll pretty much have a picture in your mind of my dancing skillz.

I made sure the lights were out and no one was around before I put that sucker in on Monday night.  Smartest decision of my life.  I, of course, did not do one dance move right.  Eventually I got so annoyed that I just started flailing around like a seizure patient.   And THEN… they make you wear this annoying green and black belt with your Wii remote tucked into a pocket of it… um… WHY!?  It didn’t matter if I had it on or off, the chic still moved the same way.  She kept telling me… Good job… Perfect… You are doing great… etc., etc., etc., which made me hysterical about 20 minutes in.  Honey child… you can’t see me and if you could, you’d be saying things like Oh dear… oh, be careful… need me to call the paramedics… the rhinocerous called and she wants her moves back!  Eh well… despite the fact that I can’t dance, the flailing and jumping burned some major calories.  I’ll take it… in the privacy of my darkened basement.  Next time I might nail boards to the windows!

Question of the Day:  Do you enjoy dancing? 




Filed under Exercise

26 responses to “You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me…

  1. Jen

    Even if you think you didn’t dance very well, the most important thing is that you had a little fun right? I am really tempted to get myself a WII and a zumba game too.

  2. Natalie

    As long as the curtains are pulled you can pull out a major calorie burn with that! Even though she counts it as “right” just because you wiggled more! I put a huge clip at the top of my belt to keep in the controller during my grand mal seizure activity. What they never told me (and I don’t read manuals) is that you have to complete the levels in the one section before they unlock more in the “classes” section. Which is the boring way to go at it! I spent most of the time yelling at the idiot guy teacher (expert) for being too busy thinking he looked cool (in all his neon colors) to burn enough calories. The girl on the intermediate levels burns more calories!

    • Nammy is in my head space. I too am a nonmanual reader! See, I did not know you could open new classes and worlds of Zumba-ing. I will try the intermediate girl next time… expert guy sounds too cocky for my taste!

  3. Natalie

    You will burn up 50 lbs with that game!

  4. Deanna

    I love that game and I know you will too. Give it a few more tries. If she was telling you “perfect”, then just go with it. 🙂

    Just have fun Whitney!

  5. Karen

    The blog was really funny. Started my morning off with a smile on my face. I cannot dance, and do not even try in public. My kids make fun of me. Glad you are back to blogging, missed you over the holidays.

  6. dessawade

    Eventhough I say I love zumba I can’t dance either and if my kids saw me they would be pretty embarrased but I don’t really care. It’s a fun way to burn some calories so I stand on the back row in the corner and just have fun with it. The same old gym workouts get kindof boring so this is a nice change of pace. Keep it up Whit and I guarantee you you’ll get better at it.

  7. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Too funny!
    I know we looked the same when we tried my new Hip Hop dvd…lol.
    My daughter & I caught the giggles and couldn’t stop.
    Heard a lot of “yeh, riiigght” on some of those moves….and “you have GOT to be kidding me”….
    Felt like we were always about 3 moves behind whatever the instructor was doing. Hilarious and fun both.
    We have since done it a few more times and we are starting to feel less awkward.
    We aren’t 3 or more moves behind either so I would guess you will get better at Zumba if you plan to do it at least 20 more times. What was that saying when we started this thing about doing an exercise for like 20 days before it STARTS to feel better…? Something like that.

    Question of the Day: Do you enjoy dancing?

    I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE to dance. I was always moving in some dancing way or another. Somewhere along the lines ( after having kids ) I lost it. Totally lost it and now the dance moves are SO very different ( like Hip Hop & Zumba ) it really feels strange.

    So proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something really different. Put that Zumba in again and have some fun with it. It is ok to talk and berate the virtual instructors…LOL.

    Keep pushing forward.

    • Haha!! Berating the virtual instructors is the best part!! I’m glad I’m in good company with the couldn’t quite get the dance moves thing… but having fun and burning calories is a win-win situation! That’s awesome that you tried the hip hop videos!

  8. sherikatielynn

    LOVE being able to do Zumba in the privacy of my own home! Of course sometimes my dear son and his friends are hanging around and I have to shoo them away! Nothing to see here kiddos – move on! Not sure if I would brave doing Zumba in public! I got it last Christmas for the Xbox Kinect, no belt or controller with the Kinect, really like that part. I know I am only “kinda” doing the moves, but it is a great workout. I got one of the Dance games this year, it is fun, for me harder, too many moves with arms and legs going too many different directions! I think the Zumba burns more calories!

    BTW I love your blog, I have been reading faithfully since last spring. I found out about you through MFP. You are such a inspiration!

    • Wow… thank you so much for coming out and commenting… I love my readers! Shooing your son and his friends away has to be a workout in and of itself!! You should totes count that as calories burned!!

  9. I got my daughter a Just Dance Kids Wii game for Christmas and you would of thought I could do it because it was a kids game right? Well she totally beat me at every song. However, it was fun and I did work up a sweat.
    I love to dance–I’m not good at it and I did not marry someone who likes too (It doesn’t help that I always try to lead, but I can’t help it I AM NOT the following type). I would love to try out Zumba–in the privacy of my own home. 😉

    • What a cute mom you are, Alena!! Firstly, you need to pretend that you were just letting her win… seeing as she is a kid and all! 😛 Secondly, I think the dance games made for kids are Adult-Proof… meaning adults can’t do them as well as kids. You use them excuses with pride, girlfriend!

  10. cl2


    Keep working at it, though. There was this video I bought from an old diet program started by a woman from Utah–called “Eat and Be Lean.” I bought her exercise video (and it cost a lot more than your Zumba game) and I worked at it and worked at it–and eventually I had the steps down. BUT I never did it in front of anyone either. I’d go in my bedroom and do it alone and lock my kids out.

    I’d never heard of Zumba until my daughter told me about it recently. I guess they do it “free” at the church. She is going tomorrow with a friend.

    • You are so right, Colleen! Practice is the key to success! I was just overwhelmed by how fast they did the moves. At least with the Richard Simmons exercise DVDs, he goes slowly while you are learning the move and then speeds it up! Maybe Richard is more my speed!

  11. Natalie

    It doesn’t matter if you learn them at all! And my Daughter would bring her friends over just to look at me. Like a freak display! I carried on like it was the most normal thing ever! Half of them wanted to do it, too! “Wow” was the usual commentary 🙂 There is actually a commercial about Just Dance like that with the 2 kids stopped dead in their tracks and their parents doing the game in sweat bands and dorky clothes. Burn baby burn! It was my “go to” when I wanted to eat more because I could burn 400-700 calories at one workout!

    • I”ve seen that commercial!! It makes me laugh every time… it was so true back when I was a teenager… I was always embarrassed of my folks doing embarrassing things! That’s an awesome calorie burn!

  12. Pat Mackay

    Thanks for the good Laugh!!!! It’s good therapy. Keep up the good work. You’re doing great!!!

  13. Mary Ann

    Thinking of getting the Wii myself, and the dance and zumba, thinking it should be loads of fun along with the exercise burn. Getting up and moving is the key to this losing weight think, no matter how you do it. 🙂

  14. Andrea

    I agree, the key is having fun. I turned on Just Dance on the wii last night. My kids joined in, and they are lots better than me, but we had fun and I am super sore in the arms. Which is saying something, as I”ve been swimming for a while now and my arms are pretty tough. Good luck with learning your zumba moves.

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