Phyllo Dough is the Devil’s Spawn…

Don’t believe me?  You ask it… it will tell you straight up… my name is phyllo dough and I’m the devil’s spawn!!  Dead serious!!  For those not familiar with phyllo dough… it’s this very thin, tissuey dough stuff you can use to make devil’s food…. errr… an assortment of things.   See:

Picture courtesy of Google Images...

That’s not my picture nor my hand.  Me and the phyllo dough are not talking, so I did not want to grow it’s ego by photographing it.  Tonight’s recipe was called Crispy Bean and Chipotle Burritos… and only 300 calories per serving!  BRING IT ON!  It sounded good.  The picture they showed me in the magazine looked dagnabbed deliciousfull with a bow on top!  And then came the phyllo dough.  SPAWN OF THE DEVIL-DOUGH!!  I’m sure 99.9999% of my problem is my absolute and utter lack of anything resembling patience.  The other however many percent has to do with my stubby puffy fingers that stumble all over themselves like it’s clearance day at the Dollar General!  And then I got all short-tempered and hollery… something that needs to be worked on, I know… but I have such a long dagnabbed list of things I need to work on that it’s hard to get them all in in one lifetime!  One of these days I’ll be on my pedestal of perfection… just you wait and see.  So, Madre… I apologize that you were on the end of my frustration and hunger radar screen.

So, what happened?  Firstly, I burnt the onions and garlic since I forgot to stir them whilst I was caught up turbo-cleaning my dishes.  Burnt garlic smell is a joy to behold… thankfully that’s what alerted me before the whole pot caught on fire.  After dumping the meticulously cut onions and garlic down the drain, I had to start all over.  By that time I would have eaten the pot I was so gosh durned hungry, so my patience was hanging by a thread of used dental floss.  And then came the devil-dough.  As soon as I unrolled it, it all crumbled into a pile of dust… no joking around it did.  Who invented this stuff anyway?  Obviously someone with the patience of Mother Teresa and the slender hands of that Allstate hand model.   Secondly, it was definitely a man and he was probably the same guy who invented panty hose.  An hour later after crumbling every “sheet” of dough in the package, I went to plan B… whole-stinking-wheat tortillas.  Now there’s an invention I can get behind!  Phyllo dough my rear quarters.  Next time I run into you phyllo dough inventor, don’t mind me if I string you up by your panty hose invention.  Ain’t nothing against you… I just don’t like devil spawn!

Question of the Day:  Phyllo dough tips anyone? 

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Phyllo Dough is the Devil’s Spawn…

  1. Natalie

    egg roll dough!! I still have some in the fridge because I was going to make egg roll’s and never ever did yet. I wonder how long that stuff lasts???

    • I found some egg roll dough that was already put together!! It was much easier to handle! As for how long it lasts… I’d say if it isn’t growing green and blue things, you’re probably good! 😛

  2. You have to cover Phyllo dough with a damp towel when you aren’t actively using it. That is the key. Take it out of the box, cover it with a damp towel, remove and few sheets the immediately put the towel back on.,also keep a spritzer bottle of water near by the dough so that you can re-dampen the towel if need be.

  3. Hilarious! I have never cooked with phyllo dough and now I’m pretty sure I won’t try. Anything that resembles pantyhose is out for me.

  4. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    LOL

    Question of the Day: Phyllo dough tips anyone?

    None!
    We made hundreds of egg rolls a few times when I was a kid but my mom was always in charge of the dough. I got to do the egg wash smear that glued the thing closed b/c I was the youngest and wanted to help in some way.

    Maybe get together with someone that has used the stuff before so they can show you how to handle it and all the tips and tricks.

    • The egg wash was probably the most fun part of the whole thing! I will probably stick with doughs I know how to use for now… but next time I venture there, I’ll be sure to Google more info!! Thanks, Louisa!

  5. jen

    Those bean burritos sounded good, too bad the dough was so impossible. I have never used phyllo dough so I have no tips.

  6. Christie

    The don’t ever dry up too much comment is a good tip – from the all of twice i’ve used it. And yes, unfortunately patience. My other good tip is don’t make baklava… you seriously don’t even wanna know how many calories are in that crap!

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