Floods and The Diagnosis Game…

So, Cache Valleyites back me up… this has officially been the WEIRDEST, most unusual winter on the face of the planet Cache Valley.  I’m not even joking.  It started out as usual with snow and cold in October/November… but then December hit and we barely got any snow… a few inches here and there but nowhere near the multitude that we usually get.  Now it’s January and it’s freaking raining!?!?!?!?!?  And the ground is frozen so the rain has no way to soak into it and so it’s been flooding homes.  I have big puddles of water all over my yard… a few more inches of rain and I’ll have a fully functioning ice skating rink.  Bring your skates and insurance cards and we’ll have a skating part-ay…  I’m just really confuzzled by this not-at-all normal “winter” weather.  It’s still cold… it’s just really weird.   I’m convinced the world must be ending in 2012… no other explanation for Northern Utah to be like this in the wintertime!!  😛

Moving on… I went to the doctor this morning… my quarter annual visit because I enjoy paying $500 per doctor’s visit 4 times a year… LOVE IT!!!  Sarcasm not included… add at your convenience.  Since I usually spend a good portion of my time sitting in the waiting room… and then sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, I’ve started playing a game.  It’s called listen through the paper thin walls to the other visits going on around you and try to diagnose the patients in the adjoining rooms.  OH IT’S GLORIOUS!!!  I’m getting pretty good at it too.  This morning, I was waiting in line to sign in for my appointment when I noticed a gentleman in his 60s sitting in a chair reading a magazine.  I wouldn’t have paid any attention to him, but he kept lifting his arm and then sticking his nose under his pit like he was checking for B.O.  Not just once… several times every few minutes.  So, of course I tried to sit as far away from him as humanly possible in a small waiting room.  THere was no way I was going to breathe in B.O. boy’s deadly fumes.  He couldn’t even stand to sit next to himself!   I diagnosed him with Body Oderiferous Syndrome.  I think he owes me some money.

The next opportunity came after I was taken into the room where I would finally see the doctor.  It was in a row of patient rooms, all with paper thin walls so I just make sure I clean my ears out extra spiffy that morning and tuned in to the various radio stations.  There was a guy in the room to my left who was having a problem with warts… on his HANDS!   Diagnosis:  Wicked Witch of the Westitis.

The woman in the room across the hall was having headaches.  Diagnosis:  SitsTooCloseToTheComputer Bursitis.

And finally, the dude on my right.  Oh, the dude on my right.  I tried to tune his radio station out but he had one of those voices that carried clear to the Himalayas!  Dude was having constipation. which he went into great detail about… which would have been cool and all but I was expecting to eat breakfast in half an hour.   Diagnosis:  LackOfAllBranInYourDiet-itis!

Man… I should really just become a diagnoser.  Make up all of these new diseases and take $500 per visit for it.  Who wants to be my first patient?

Question of the Day:  Do you practice the art of self-diagnosing yourself using Google or other methods? 



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8 responses to “Floods and The Diagnosis Game…

  1. Julie

    Yes, I do self-diagnose. But I’ve never been so creative as to your diagnosis’. I’m gonna have to work on that. Next time one of my kids come to me with a sore tummy, I might have to determine if they have: Toomuchcandy-itis or Playinghooky-itis.

  2. cl2

    Oh Whitney–you know we don’t have to use google doing the job we do! Of course I self-diagnose–and often am right–AND my family and friends call me to ask about their symptoms.

  3. Avster

    Well, Whit, if you really miss the snow, come up here for the weekend. It’s snowing right now and we’re supposed to receive about six inches. The temperature is nice and warm too clocking in at 4* and feeling like -10*.

    At work yesterday I heard some ladies talking about Paula Dean and thought of you!

  4. Lindsay

    SO…….what did your doctor diagnose you with then? We are all dying to hear! How did it go?

  5. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Growing up a doctor’s daughter, with plenty of siblings, working in his Dr’s office, and living on a farm no less…we came in contact with many a diagnosis over the years.
    When you are around it…you kind of pick things up.

    Question of the Day: Do you practice the art of self-diagnosing using Google or other methods?
    Overall we are a pretty healthy bunch here and aren’t prone to running to the doctor for just any old thing. We have to be really sick, bleeding, or broken in order to go….
    I have been known to Google the occasional symptom or to look something up when someone uses abbreviations I don’t recognize.

  6. Jen

    You make going to the doctor’s office seem so much more entertaining! At my doctor’s office I can pretty much say everyone is there for the same reason….pregnancy. I usually WebMD everything I have questions about. It seems pretty reliable.

  7. Liz

    We are having the same weather you are. Except for all the snow this week. But its wet. Yuck.
    I always use the internet for medical stuff. Problem is that you can often read things that you think may be true, and freak you out, but turns out it doesn’t pertain to you… So I take everything with a grain of salt, and see a doctor.

  8. Mary Ann

    No I don’t but my husband does and boy does he drive me crazy with all his diagnosis of what’s wrong with him and how the Doc’s don’t know either and his guess is much better than their guess, because he must have gone through all those med-classes, oh that’s right he was a phone man by trade, that solved that issue, he does know more. lol Men, they are stubborn!

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