The Stupid Limit…

Four weeks into beginning knitting class and I’ve invented a new stitch… I like to call it the Whitney Obviously Does Not Follow Instructions stitch.  We made dish cloths this past week… which was supposed to be the easy week and it was totes the easy week.  I sped through my dishcloth like it weren’t no thing… but I kept noticing a weird ridge around the edges of my “decrease” rows (you knitting folks will totes know what I’m talking about… all others, go back to bed… professional knitters talking here!)  I kept knitting to the end of the project, took it to class tonight and the instructor took one look at it and was all like… how in the world did you do that!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  She could literally not figure out what I’d done.  I honestly don’t know what I did either… I was absolutely sure I’d followed the instructions to a T… no one else’s dish rag looked like mine.  I’ve obviously crossed the threshold into knitting savantness… you all are basking in the glow of an idiot… erm… I mean Genius!!!!!!!  😛

Meanwhile… the new project we started tonight was a “simple” hat… and we’re using a new type of needle method… the circular needles.  Oooooo….. ahhhhhh…. D’OH!  I’m knitting along on my fabulous circular needles… knitting and knitting and knitting… and I’m hating every second of these new needles.  My knitting is tight and it’s tough to wield the needle under the tight stitches and then I keep noticing the yarn is getting tighter and tighter and smaller and smaller… but I keep going because I’m obviously a knitting genius… I made up a stitch for crying out loud!!!!!!!  And then it hits me when I’m in the shower tonight inhaling my new Molten Chocolate body wash.  The pattern instructions read to knit 2, purl 2, knit 2, purl 2… I read that as KNIT 2 stitches together, Purl 2 stitches together… so what I’ve been doing this entire time is halving the length of the circumference of my hat everytime I get to a new round… obviously I’m knitting a hat the size of a potato bug.  No wonder it’s so dagnabbed hard… unless my head shrinks to potato bug status come next Tuesdee… I’m in a world of hurt.  I guess I best undo the thing and start over.  Someone needs to follow me around and translate these instructions into Knit-Whit languate… talk to me like I’m 4… I’ll totes understand that!!!

Question of the Day:  Are you an instruction reader or do you prefer to figure it out by doing it? 

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16 Comments

Filed under Getting A Life

16 responses to “The Stupid Limit…

  1. Natalie

    Instructions are way harder than knitting. But you know that. You are a knit-genious!

  2. Avster

    Instructions? What are those?

  3. cl2

    I hate to say it, but I have a hard time understanding instructions anymore–since I had my twins (and other such mind scattering life events). I somehow can learn new things for work, but give me a “ab cruncher” to put together and nobody would help–and it ended up at the DI. I don’t have the PATIENCE to read instructions.

    Actually, I found out years after I started crocheting these afghans that I crochet the shell stitch backwards–but they all look great anyway.

  4. Karen

    Hate to admit that I read instructions and follow them. Right now I am working on four quilts and have all the patterns in front of me. Same with basket weaving. I am surprised how many people like hands on instructions. They find visual is easier. Interesting to learn about ourself. Loved today’s picture.

    • That’s why your stuff turns out so beautifully! There’s something to be said about reading and understanding the instructions. I do much better when someone shows me how to do it.

  5. dessawade

    That’s too funny Whitney. No wonder you were having a hard time. I DO NOT like to read instructions! Show me how to do it and I am ok. Pictures please!
    Your dish cloth was the envy of everyone in the class so keep up the good work!

  6. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Question of the Day: Are you an instruction reader or do you prefer to figure it out by doing it?

    I only resort to instructions if I can’t see how it goes together in my mind first.
    I will even give it a try on my own before using the instructions.

    My kids are good at putting things together and following the instructions ( thank you Lord ) and have puzzle solving little minds. Things come so easy to them both
    ( again, thank you Lord ).
    Honestly, they get the patience and know-how for those things from their dad and their grandparents.
    I just give it to them & him most of the time to save myself the aggravation.

  7. jen

    I hate instruction manuals. Especially the ones for electronics. But I am going to make myself read the manual for my carseat this week.

    • Oooo… look at Jen putting in a carseat all by her lonesome. That’s exciting, Jen! Getting too close now!

    • Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

      Jen,
      Yes, do everything the instruction manual says about car seats!!
      Then, find one of those Car Seat Safety checkpoints.
      We had one here at a local Chevy dealership when my kids were little. You just drive in there and sign in and they check how you have it installed. They have a checklist. They take it out, check it all over, even have your child sit in it to make sure the head, neck, shoulder straps are at the right height and tightness etc…
      Then they show you how to put it back in and how to make sure it is in securely
      ( no wiggle room ) and in the proper place inside your car etc…
      Very informative!
      I was always one of the first ones there after each child was born to make sure we had them in there correctly.
      Hope that helps !!!

  8. Pingback: There’s a Hole In My Head!!! « craving a life

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