Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

I think I’ve mentioned on several occasions about my deathly fear of all things bird.  Birds from a distance are fine and dandy, but put me up close and personal with a wild bird and look the heck out, Oprah!  It all started for me back when I was 4 years old visiting my grandparents farm.  I loved animals back in those days and I had no problem going up to one and petting it.  That is until the wild turkey incident.  This schizophrenic turkey that was bigger than I was decided it would be a great idea to attack the 4-year-old me.  He knocked me to the ground, sat on top of me and started pecking and flapping his wings… and I done near lost it.  When I was finally able to free myself I was gone.  If they were holding Olympic Track events in the same vicinity, I’d have won the 800-yard dash at the age of 4 (is there such a competition… I don’t really care… pretend there is).  Ever since then I haven’t cared for birds… and somehow every birdy on the planet knows this about me, so the plan is to torture Whitney… that’s third on their list right below fly South for the winter and poop on anything that moves.

My car is the only one in the neighborhood decorated with bird doo.  I don’t mean one or 2 splotches… I mean the whole dagnabbed car.  It doesn’t matter how many times I wash the sucker… 10 minutes later… voila.  I’ve already blogged about the owl that lived in my window well and freaked me the heck out every time I saw it.  I’ve had baby robins living in my window well with a psychotic mother who tried to lay a nest in my hair every time I walked past it.  Magpies hate me… that one falcon that dive bombed me because he could hated me.  It’s like Whitney versus the BIRDS… ALL of them!

This fact is what made what happened to me this afternoon even more hilarious… yet pretty dagnabbed predictable.  I was driving back from my lunch hour walk when I was suddenly amidst a gaggle of chickens and hens and roosters and any manner of feathered species crossing the road and jumping around like their heads done about to be cut off.  No joking around!  Of course I freaked out, slammed on my brakes and then tried not to hyperventilate whilst I waited for them to make their way across the street.  So, I’m in my car sitting in the middle of the road, parked… not moving at all when all of a sudden this huge brown chicken up and flies right into my dagnabbed windshield.  Thank all that be holy the windshield was there because my hair was looking mighty nesty…  I sat in my car trying to reassure them chickens that I was not a representative from the local Kentucky Fried Chicken… right after I assured them that I was indeed a vegetarian-vore.  Your people are safe with me, ye mighty chickens!

So, why did the chicken cross the road?  Obvious answer… because Whitney’s nesty hair lived on the other side.

Question of the Day:  Do you have an irrational fear of any particular animal(s)?



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15 responses to “Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

  1. Julie

    I too have an irrational fear of birds. When I was younger, I was taking a walk and a mother bird was trying to protect her chick that happened to have fallen somewhere near where I was walking. She attacked me. I remember seeing her shadow and hearing the flapping of wings, ruffling of feathers, and feeling a sensation much like a hammer driving a nail into my head. Over and over, while I ran, zig-zagging, not knowing what direction would avert her rage, she followed swooping, flapping, pecking. Finally, another poor sap walking his dog got too close to her baby and she lost interest in me. I ran all the way home and have no idea what became of others. But as for me, I was left with a fear of the feathered world.

  2. jen

    That’s hilarious! Wish you had your camera to take a picture. Those birds should be nicer to you seeing how you are a vegetarian. To answer your question, I am afraid of most insects I think.

  3. Avster

    Remind me to never let you come along when I’m stalking hummingbirds. Their dive bombs would do you in!

  4. cl2

    Your pictures jsut keep getting better and better!

    I had an owl dive bomb me at my dad’s farm years ago.

    No particular animal that I’m afraid of–but mice and such.

  5. cl2

    Oh, I was going to say–chickens!!!! They used to give away free chicks at Easter when I was small–where, I can’t remember?!? I don’t know why my mother would get us some, but she did a couple of times. Back then–the old days–you could keep chickens in town (maybe you can now, too). Well, one set of these chickens grew up and would chase my sister and I and peck at our legs. I won’t tell you what my dad to them. It was rather inhumane. We were only about 3 or 4, too. Turkeys and chickens are mean!!

    We have a lot of ducks in this neighborhood and lately they’ve taken to laying in the middle of the road–so don’t come out here!!

  6. Karen

    Love the picture! You are good. What kind of camera do you use? Have you taken any classes? Bought Bruce a new Cannon camera for Christmas and a camera does make a difference. Fun hobby!!

    • Cameras are totally fun. I have 2 cameras, but to be honest I use my cheap little Kodak point and shoot camera the most… especially when I’m walking/bike riding. I also have a bigger Nikon D40, which I just took a class to learn how to use this past November/December. I didn’t learn much… dang it all!

  7. dessawade

    I really don’t like big spiders. They freak me out! I’m ok with birds and chickens probably since I grew up on a farm and was exposed to lots of them.

  8. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomOfTwo

    Another BEAUTIFUL picture, Whitney!

    Question of the Day: Do you have an irrational fear of any particular animal(s)?

    I grew up on a farm full of different kinds of animals and we all had our run ins with a territorial rooster or three.
    A pet crow that got loose so my one brother was bait to get it back…lol.
    Mad ganders protecting their goose girlfriends.
    Belligerent cows protecting their calves, or maybe it was my brother trying to ride her that pissed her off..lol.
    Any number of insects we killed for my mom ( spiders, flies, cockroaches, crickets etc…).
    Biting pet rodents and ferrets…
    Close calls with biting turtles…
    Wild baby raccoons…cute but very mean.
    The bottom of a stock tank full of writhing non-poisonous snakes my brothers collected one summer…
    Those are just a few of my childhood memories of various critters.

    I don’t fear ants but I hate those little buggers. I can kill them – no problem. We would get a long a lot better if they would stay outside.
    When I was about 9yrs old, I was playing with one of our MANY puppies and I didn’t know it but I was standing over an ant hill. I managed to disturb the home of many red biting ants. They marched right up my pant leg and started to bite. YOWCH!!!
    Needless to say, I peeled out of those pants and took off for the water hose at a dead run screaming for my mom the whole way. She hosed me down from head to toe. We retrieved my pants later and I have always been more careful where I stand.
    Live and learn…

  9. Pingback: The Craving A Life Blogscars: The Posts… « craving a life

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