I had the most horrid nightmare in all the universe last night. It was horrid. I woke up in a jolt, sweating and hyperventilating. On a scale of 1 to being locked in an elevator with Pee Wee Herman, it was a Pee Wee Herman PLUS a Talking Tom app horrid. Oh lawsy smorgasboards… I may need real life dream therapy after this. What happened in my nightmare? I was in a Spam eating contest. OH THE HORROR!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!DKEFL:SKMKMFS:LKMEN… and I was shoveling down the stuff like it were Sumo Wrestler night at the Upchuck-A-Rama… and the white mucousy stuff that they pack Spam in was oozing out the corners of my mouth and I was sore afraid. I just can’t even… I just can’t. Lock me up in the padded room now white coat fellers… it’s over for me. What is Spam made out of anyway? Mushed up kitty liver?
Oh laws… THE HORRORS!!!!!!
I always find it interesting to see which of these blog posts get the most hits… so, in honor of my 1-year blogiversary, I ventured to my stats page on this lovely WordPress blogging site to find out. The most visited page was, of course, the home page, followed by the About Page (which I really should update after a year) and the top 5…
I Think I Can… No… I KNOW I Can : In which I ramble incoherently about things like New Kids on The Block, climbing hills, and The Little Engine That Could… makes sense now… all them rabid NKOTB fanzz Googling their hearts out… oh… are we not in 1991 any more?
How Does The Caged Bird Sing? : In which I blather on about peeing in pools, caged birds, and setting goals to accomplish. Obvs people who don’t agree with pool peeing were on to this one… also birds… Googling about their ancestors.
The Attack of the Killer Hormones… and Flying Bird Updates… : In which I compare myself to the blueberry chick from Willy Wonka and then have a hormonal attack. More bird Googlers… and maybe the PMSers of America support group.
Motivation Shmotivation… That Is the Question! : In which I give up my carefully guarded motivational secrets which can be summed up in approximately 5 words and 3 exclamation marks… THERE IS NO DAGNABBED SECRET!!!
“Die”ting! : And to round out the top 5, we have my first ever blog post… in which I totally reveal the REAL definition of the word “die”t and then proceed to blather on for approximately 3 more paragraphs. It’s a wonder I’m allowed to type at all… it really is.
So, to sum it up… I have a lot of bird blog readers… (no wonder they hate me) and people who have PMS… I’m not only a member… I’m the club president! It just warms my heart to know that birds of a feather stick together… bah dum bum… Peace out… I’m here all week…
Question of the Day: What are your thoughts on Spam? Vienna Sausage? What is that mucus they have surrounding it?
PS : If you haven’t entered the giveaway yet… there is still time.. that fat lady ain’t sung yet… for serious! Also, thank you all for the sweet comments… I promise I wasn’t fishing for anything of the sort, but y’all are just the kindest!