So, Madre and Lindsay went to Las Vegas last week. I’m sure they had a grand ole time and all… yada yada yada. And because she is such a sweet human mommy, Madre brought her dearest, eldest daughter back a souvenir. Y’all won’t believe the generosity when I tell you what it was. It’s UNBELIEVABLE in that department. Was it a T-shirt? A million dollars from the slot machine? An autograph from a fake Elvis? So many Vegasy possibilities! Instead, Fridee I woke up to 3 sumo wrestler dudes wearing Sponge Bob slippers kicking me in the head and sitting on my chest.
Okay, fine… that was a total lie. But it was almost as good. She brought me back some germs and an illness. LAWS ALMIGHTY, let me frame this sucker and call it Velda! Madre, who rarely gets sick caught some sort of bug on her way home. My best guess is from the recycled air dating back to 1935 in the airplane cabin and/or hotel bed bugs. I felt bad for her when she got home because being sick sucks… and I told her that… from a distance of 30 feet and wearing a face mask… heck if I was going to catch it on my watch. I got things to do and people to annoy. The face mask/distance thing didn’t so much work… and I even read in a magazine yesterday that people who exercise at least 5 days a week (CHECK!!!!!!!) are 43% less likely to catch an illness… stupid 57%.
So, what did I do today? I sat by the window looking out at a blue sky and melting snow and yelling to everyone who passed by walking or riding a bike… Gee… I wish I felt as good as you do! I guess it really does humble you to get sick. I appreciate so much more how great being well feels now that I don’t feel like doing anything but sit, hack up a lung, and try to blow my brains out my nose. I am lucky in that department, now (KNOCK ON WOOD). Back in the olden days I got sick a LOT. I caught everything that was going around and I actually kind of welcomed the illness because at least then I had a good excuse for doing what I was going to be doing either way… sitting on my hindquarters.
Which other souvenirs round out my top 5 worst things to receive from Vegas?
5. Sweat rag from fake Elvis
4. Hotel sheets featuring bedbugs.
3. Toe Jam from Fake Madonna.
2. Anything from a showgirl.
FYI… next time y’all decide to bring a pal a vacation souvenir, they’ll just take one of those free soaps they give you at the hotel. That should be plenty.
Question of the Day: What kind of souvenirs do you buy on vacation?