I have absolutely no earthly clue why I persist on embarrassing myself on this here blog. Most people would want to paint themselves as some demure Queenish specimen… instead I’m pretty sure I’ve painted a vivid picture of the overall-wearing, hay-chewing, gomer-looking dude from that old TV show, Hee Haw.
I also have a big mouth and my brain-to-mouth filter broke down YEARS ago. Instead, I just jabber endlessly and then think about it later… usually kicking myself for saying stupid things without thinking. It’s a vicious cycle… I like to call it spewing stupidity. So, now that I’ve prefaced this with a huge long thing about how I shouldn’t even be doling out this information about myself to peoples on the Interwebs, here’s what went down.
I went on a bike ride tonight. It was like 80 degrees and pretty much beautiful… my dream temperature right there (it won’t last long). While I was pedaling along, I came across a tree that I absolutely had to stop and get a picture of… forget you heart rate… there are photo ops to be had… it was a dagnabbed Kodak moment! So, I stopped the ole bike and laid it down where the pavement met the curb. Then, I jaunted across this grassy place to get a better picture angle, passed a bunch of folks lounging on the grassy area… a pregnant woman with her husband and 3 kids… some dude talking animatedly on a cell phone, a gaggle of teeny bopper girls gaggling… you know… the usual.
I got my pictures and ventured back to my bike, trying to look all like I was some professional biking star with my ugly bike helmet that makes me look like a walrus stuffed into a thimble. So, I’m walking past all these people back to the curb where my bike sits; I pick up my bike, get on the sucker, and just as I’m bringing my foot from the curb to the pedal to start off, my foot misses the pedal and
this HUGE gust of wind crops up and then this big hairy dude wearing an ape suit walks by and pushes me over before I know it I find myself lying on my side on the ground with my bike lying on top of me. You know how when you do something incredibly stupid in front of a group of people and you’re already humiliated, so you just try to make it look like you did it on purpose? As I was falling, all of these thoughts of how I was going to make this look cool raced through my head… I finally settled on the sneak shoelace tying, which would have been a great idea and all, but by the time I got my bearings, the bike off of me, and onto my knee so that I could tie my shoes, I realized I was wearing the shoes without laces… velcro. So, instead I just pretended I was doing a Tim Tebow (aka Tebowing):
Because that’s how we bike stars roll… Some random girl in the park with a bike lying on top of her always stops to Tebow.
Lessons learned: I now know why bike helmets are beneficial… while most people use theirs in case they get hit by a car or run over by a train… Whitney uses hers for when she tips over and hits her head.
The scuffed up elbow will heal up… the pride, on the other hand… gonna take a few decades! Call me when they get my adult-sized tricycle built, would ya’?
Question of the Day: What’s the last embarrassing thing you did?