I’ll Take The Biggest One You Have…

The saga of the pants continues.  If this keeps up, I’m going to have a whole dagnabbed pants soap opera to pitch to the networks.  As The Pantyhose Turn… Days of Our Pants… General Pants-pital… all destined to be major hits, don’t talk back to me!  Since I haven’t liked really any of the pants I’ve tried on in stores around town (they all fit… it’s just I am super self-conscious about the bane of my existence… no need to focus more attention on that sucker), I decided to go the online route.  Old Navy was my first stop and I got this huge-mongous box full of pants in the mail last week.

I have a history with clothing and sizes.  For several years I’d just have to order the largest size they had (in the extended sizes… which is one up from the plus sizes which is one up from the misses sizes which is one up from the people who wear sizes 0 through 3 which is one up from the invisible people section).  I just ordered the biggest size they had without thinking and without measuring and then crossed my fingers that it would fit.  Sometimes it would… a lot of times it wouldn’t, which is a horrible feeling when you can’t fit into the biggest size the catalog offers in the extended sizes!!  Not that many stores even offer extended sizes anyway, so I always had to purchase from specialty stores who specialized in making tents on the side.

Shopping Old Navy online a few weeks ago, I went right back to my tried and true, buy the biggest size they have in the pants section… truly not optimistic that I’d even be able to pull them up past my knees.

That just goes to show me how skewed my perception of myself is… and how I’m still stuck in the land of 530-poundville.  The pants, all of them, were too big… all of them were the regular jeans/nonstretchy pants that I’d never ever  been able to wear in the past, but I still couldn’t fathom that I’d be able to wear them… even 230+ pounds later.

I don’t know if a change in the way I see myself will gradually come as I get smaller… and I hope that it does… but at this juncture I still can’t see the changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  I think I’m a special case in that I had so much to lose that a lot of my bulk is hanging skin (TMI ALERT… oops warned you too late, didn’t I?) and so there is no real way to see any body shape under all that hanging flabness… which is frustrating on one hand… but on the other hand, I just need focus on the fact that I am lighter than I used to be.  I finally went and did my measurements for the first time in a year… there were inch to inches lost in pretty much every area… most notably the 5 inches off of both my waist and the bane of my existence… it’s shrinking… slower than a turtle at a Tar Convention… but shrinking nonetheless.  Sit down, shut up, and be patient…  Meanwhile, guess I have to return these pants and think about ordering smaller.  Brain space… work with me here!

Question of the Day:  What is your dream pants size?  The size you’d be happy at?  

Happy weekend, friends!  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do… in prison!  😛

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10 Comments

Filed under Nonscale Victories

10 responses to “I’ll Take The Biggest One You Have…

  1. Avster

    That last sentence completely blew my weekend. Thanks, Whit. ~dramatic sigh~

  2. Ally

    I have missed reading your blogs Whitney! Glad to be back. It is so try that we have trouble seeing ourselves anyway other than the largest size we remember. I had that trouble at first. It takes a while to overcome negative or old self images. You are so amazing and I have no doubt you can accomplish anything that you want in life. My dream size pants would be an 8. I am a 12 now, but it sure seems like an extreme uphill battle to get those last 2 pant sizes behind me. But I am sure glad to be done with the 22W!!! Have a fabulous weekend!

  3. Gorgeous trees! Yeah on all the pants being too big! I think it is really hard to change our self-perception, really difficult to not focus on who you used to be and see yourself as an ever-evolving person–keep trying 🙂

  4. I was wondering where you had been kicking around in the last few days :). Dream pant-size… Definitely a 10-12. I love the idea of being natural like the women in the 40’s. It took a while, but I gave up on the model sizes in magazines a long time ago. Especially after seeing various documentaries on airbrushing, etc (like the Dove one).

    I read an article not that long ago regarding women with eating disorders, and one of the parts that stuck out most for me was that no matter what, when they look in a mirror, they do not see what we see. I wonder if it’s a similar mentality. We’ve gotten so used to being fat, that that’s all we think, see, and feel. My friend Jason lost weight several times over, and it only stuck on the last go-around because he also took time to heal his mind and his heart alongside his outer body.

    Seriously, congratulations on the VERY MAJOR NSV!

    • So true… re: the taking time to heal your mind and heart being a package deal with being able to keep the weight off for good. I think 10 to 12 is a perfect size. Right now I’m aiming just to be able to wear a 14.. but I’m sure when I get there I’ll want to see a bit lower, so that I’m not teetering on the edge of the plus sized clothing!

  5. Louisa a.k.a. ProudMomToTwo

    Oh what a pretty picture. Not sure what kind of tree that is but those are some blooms.
    to
    HUGE congrats on not fitting into the Old Navy big box ‘o pants!!
    Exchange them for a variety of sizes and see where you are at.

    Question of the Day: What is your dream pants size? The size you’d be happy at?
    I am in a 16 right now and aiming for size 14 because I have slacks, capris, and jeans in 14’s. Once I get there though, I will want to get down to the 12’s.
    Ultimately, I was happiest when I was an 8/10.

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