Good Laws, Beulah!!

I was driving down the road in Beulah the Buick today… all rocking out to my favorite new CD, Polka Music of the 20s and 30s (can y’all believe it was in the bargain bin!?!?!?!  As if!!!) when Beulah decided it was Sunday afternoon naptime.  She was all moving really slowly and making weird noises… something about get your big fat buttocks out of my custom-designed faux fox fur seats!  I thought it was strange, so turned my CD down approximately 312 decibels and began self-diagnosing Beulah’s problem… kind of like I was a shrink for geezer vehicles.  I’m all like, I’m pretty sure it’s the transmission (what’s a transmission?)… and then I’m all like, I’m darn sure it’s the rotator cuff (do cars have a rotator cuff?)… but then it was, I KNOW it’s the fastidious shmigidius belt…  I don’t know why I didn’t become a mechanic because all of those diagnoses were pretty much right on the mark.  I was only about 2 blocks from home, so I turned Beulah around and limped on back home, diagnosing more issues on the way.

At home, I made Madre come out to make sure she could hear what I was hearing in the car… just making sure my eardrum didn’t burst from Q-tipitis or some such nonsense, and when we came barreling out the door, we see this:

Now… I ain’t no transmission specialist, but I’m pretty sure that there transmission is supposed to be more rounded like… maybe?  😛  Flat tire did not even come out of my diagnosing rambling… not once.  I’ve been in cars that had flat tires before, and in my defense, this was a much different sound/feeling.  It sounded like Beulah was having some real bad irritable bowel syndrome… nothing that a little Pepto can’t cure.

So, I got to change my first tire.  Why am I 33 and have never learned how to change a tire?  Excuse you… you try being 530 pounds and hefting yourself up off the ground.  I’d seriously have to hire a forklift to come in and give me a shove.  I had my dad walk me through the changing steps.  Firstly, they put them dagblasted bolts on so tight it’s a wonder He-Man could move them… secondly, gross… all dirty and nastee.  Thirdly… what kind of a tire is this spare thing I’m supposed to be putting on.  You think this donut here is going to hold up a ton of metal?  When I got the spare tire on, I discovered it was also flat.  LOLOLOLOLOL!!!   Thank goodness for the spare tire… I’d be in a jam … it’s a good thing I was sitting in my driveway.

Tomorrow morning’s adventure will be pushing the car down the street to the nearest transmission tire service.  I’ll bring my list of things I’m pretty sure are wrong with it.  They’ll probably have to call to get my advice at some point.  I’ll let you know.

Question of the Day:  Do you know how to change a tire? 

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18 Comments

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18 responses to “Good Laws, Beulah!!

  1. deannawade@gmail.com

    Yes, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do it. Probably haven’t done it since I learned in driver’s training. I’ve watched a few being changed if that counts. I’m proud of your dad for teaching you–and for you trying. Oh the new adventures you are having with your new self. Again I want to tell you how I love to read your posts each day. I love your attitude about they way your new life is headed.

    • They taught you how to change a tire in driver’s ed? That would have been a way smart move, but I know for a fact we never learned it! Idaho was ahead of it’s game! Thanks for reading, Aunt D!

  2. Susan

    Yes, I do. My dad and my uncle both gave me lessons before I was allowed to drive away. We had a flat back in February – in a construction zone – and it was 25 degrees outside. (That may not be cold to you, but to us Texans….brrrr). Anyway….thankful for roadside assistance.

  3. cl2

    Love the picture. Yep, I know how. For some odd reason, my dad picked me to teach to do these things and no my sisters (I have 3 brothers–you’d think that would be enough). I haven’t changed a tire for years–but I know how. It is those machines they use that make the lug nuts so tight. So–if you can’t get the lug nuts loose, no sense in even trying. AT LEAST it was just a flat tire!

  4. Avster

    Yup, I know how to change a tire. I’m glad you’re all educated in the process. 😀

  5. dessawade

    I know how to change a tire but knowing and being able to do it are two different things. I think I could fake my way through it though.

  6. Louisa

    Glad it was just a flat tire and nothing more serious.

    Question of the Day: Do you know how to change a tire?
    Yes, I do.
    Yes, I have had to on occasion.
    Yes, we plan to teach both kids about car maintenance, preventative maintenance, and how to change a flat.

  7. No. I don’t know how to change a flat tire. Luckily I have AAA. 🙂

  8. Way to go Whit! I do know how to change a tire (thank you High School Automechanics class), but I haven’t had occasion to change one for about 10 years, so I hope I can manage it if needs be 🙂

    • I forgot you took that class… I so should have joined it too! Thankfully having crappy cars my whole life has taught me how to change my power-steering fluid! 😛

  9. Phil

    Yes. Terrific picture.

  10. Pingback: The Summer of the Flatness… « craving a life

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