MY EYEBALLS!!!!

The ratio of ‘squiters to Whitneys up in this here joint is currently 85,000 to 2.  No, there are not 2 Whitneys, but the bane of my existence counts as 1 all on it’s own.  Basically, spindly creatures who are sucking the blood from my knuckles, I ain’t playing… you got 39 seconds to vacate the premise before I go all World War III with this here Kleenex thinger.   If I blog it, it will happen.

It’s summer, which means the crazies bring out their summer gear… and it’s always a big chic out prancing around in something she shouldn’t be wearing.  Giving the rest of us a bad name, I tell you what!  I see them everywhere, but mostly Walrus World, so it’s definitely not a shock to the system. However, yesterday I was driving down Main Street, minding my hands at the 10 and 2 o’clock positions when what did my wandering eyes behold?  A lady, can’t have weighed much less than 300 pounds, pushing a stroller down the street.  Totally normal, right?  Except that she was wearing hot pink sparkly tulle fashioned into a peacock tail, a hot pink too-small sports bra… and not much else.  For those of us who aren’t as fabrically gifted as I, tulle is that fabric they make tutus and wedding veils out of.  This chic, all 300 pounds of her, was stuffed into enough hot pink sparkly tulle to cover a very small fairy.  It was like Tinkerbell went hog wild at the Chuck-Up-Arama for a year straight and then decided to push a stroller down the Main Street.  Oh good gravy… I nearly done run into a big truck in the turning lane all the rubber necking I was doing… and you know I’m ashamed of it, but I did turn around and drove by again… just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating from water retention bloat.

My good buddy Richard says… hot pink tulle is so 2010!

I’ve decided that it is my duty to inform my extra cuddly people of the proper stroller pushing attire.  One idea I thought up was just to fashion a full length mirror into a sandwich board I could wear around town, printing in REALLY big letters on the mirror… TAKE ANOTHER LOOK… YEAH, I THOUGHT SO!!!  And then at the bottom… JUST BECAUSE THEY DONE MADE IT IN OUR SIZE, DON’T MEAN WE’LL LOOK GOOD WEARING IT!  Then, I could just stand in the aisle at Walrus World and make sneak attacks on the worst offenders.  Y’all big chics, you can thank me now for keeping our people classy.   One bloated Tinkerbell in sparkly hot pink tulle at a time.

Question of the Day:  What is your favorite summer attire?  Keep it classy, my peeps!  😛

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “MY EYEBALLS!!!!

  1. Julie

    Anything sleeveless… It’s super hot and muggy here in the south.

  2. kim

    Totally agree!! Not sure how people can walk out of the house like that!! And don’t even get me started on the pajamas in public wearing people!!

  3. Jen

    That’s so funny! Wish you got a picture. I agree that just because it fits, doesn’t mean it looks good on. You always dress nice and others should take notes from your example.

  4. Avster

    I’m always a classy Peep, Whit. 😉

    But I agree… regardless of weight, people really wear some disgusting items… and sometimes it’s what they’re not wearing that’s disgusting… like older guys mowing and not wearing a shirt…

    • Peep is totally the right word for you. I am surprised you haven’t tried to make Peep your official middle name. Think about that for the future. Ew… the half-nekked old dudes mowing the lawn thing is nasty.

  5. Phil

    Really nice picture.

  6. Natalie

    Oh my stars.. I wish you had got that picture!

  7. Louisa

    That landscape pic is FABULOUS! Gorgeous colors.
    Not so much the Richard Simmons pics….my eyes! my eyes!
    LOL

    Question of the Day: What is your favorite summer attire? Keep it classy, my peeps! 😛
    I have to agree that there are some REALLY bad choices out there walking around in public ( skinny or extra cuddly ).
    Skinny jeans for one – ok NO ONE looks good in those. Skinny or not. ICK!
    Low rise and extra low rise….bad! bad! bad! ( Tip – I should NOT be able to see your “stuff” in the front or the back at any time standing or sitting, bending or stooping and your underwear either ).
    Bright colored bras underneath sheer or thin or light colored tops. NO!
    Words printed on the backside of sweatpants etc…TOSS THEM OUT NOW! “Juicy” and “Pink” should not be printed on your behind.
    Men wearing overalls and nothing else with one of the straps hanging down. SCARY beyond words!! Burn them!
    The pajamas in public is another pet peeve…get dressed for heaven’s sake and leave the slippers at home too.
    The baggie men and boys jeans that are actually so big they have to keep their hands in their pockets just to walk. Heaven forbid they have to run or go up stairs. What really blows my mind is some wear a bright white thick belt and it is still underneath their butt cheeks. REALLY!?
    Have you seen people dressed in these baggie pants on the show COPS – absolutely hilarious!
    The Rapper hat is another annoying style – the flat thick wide brim and then they wear it cocked sideways or even backwards. Yeh, that’s real cool…..NOT!! We are all so impressed….I don’t think so.
    The Skate shoes that are popular right now also are truly ridiculous. No sense at all with these things and I can’t believe the parents actually buy this stuff for their kids. What were they thinking?

    LOL – you got me going …
    You will find us mostly wearing colorful tank tops in the summer, capri pants, shorts, tennis shoes and sandals, light weight t-shirts, and swim suits ( with cover-ups when we go into town ). We have hot and humid weather here in Missouri….

    ~Louisa

    • LOL, Louisa! I gotta say I pretty much agree with all of your clothing issues… especially the words on the butt of the sweatpants and the overall-wearing fellers. Ugh!

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