Anyone who knows me pretty much knows that I’m a water drinker… period… end of story. When I’m extra anemic, it’s ice, ice, ice water (anemic people crave ice… got it?) and when my anemia is under control it’s lukewarm water (stop it… it’s liquid). I dislike carbonation, so I’ve never been into drinking soda/pop/fizzy bubbly crap (depending on which part of the country you live in), so I have no idea why when I looked in the fridge and saw a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper at 10:30 at night, I felt the need to drink the whole dagnabbed thing. It’s diet… so there were no calories and no sugar… but there were approximately 8 gallons of caffeine, and when you aren’t accustomed to drinking caffeine, especially in the middle of the night it does strange things to you.
For example… 20 minutes after drinking my 20-oz. Diet Dr. Pepper, I was screaming at the top of my lungs and then falling into an uncontrollable fit of giggles… and not just once… like 52 times in a row. Is that funny? If you live in a padded room… yes… but for some reason I thought it was like the funniest thing to ever happen in my entire lifetime… because I’m now 6 and high on caffeine. After the idiot routine, I got an extra burst of energy and despite having felt all tired and groggy an hour earlier, I was sprinting the staircase in the house like I was Richard Simmons on a stair stepper and when I reached the top I’d yell… “SUCK IT, EVEREST!” as loud as possible and then book it back down the stairs.
The next 3 hours included periodic seizure-like activity where I’d suddenly just flail around like a dead fish and then laugh like a hyena for 15 minutes straight afterwards. Y’all… anyone have a strait jacket they could lend me. I’ve legitimately lost the very last marble I owned. Now it’s 3:00 in the morning and I’m typing this post with a sudden urge to want to go running and screaming through the streets… just to say I did!?!?!? It’s cold and dark outside and the outside does not have padding or walls. I’m hoping within the next 30 minutes I get the crash and burn phase of caffeine use… a girl’s gotta sleep sometime!
Moral of the story: Whitney should never be allowed to drink caffeine again… EVER. Also, neighbors… no need to call the Safety Kids… I’m just practicing my stranger danger scream over here. And one more thing… kids… say no to drugs… that is all! 😛
Question of the Day: Are you a caffeine addict? What’s your caffeine weapon of choice?