Rubberband Shopping…

I call them rubberbands… because they are.  What the helium balloon am I talking about?  SWIMSUITS!  Some of you may remember my vow to become a mini triathlete… which included the dreaded swimming portion of the skill.  Not only do I have to subject myself to people peeing in the pool and spitting and germing it up all over the place, I also have to bravely go where no fat woman has gone before.  Okay, I lied.  Plenty of fat woman have gone the unflattering swimming suit route… just not this one.  Why has it taken me so long to venture to a pool?  I’m totally dragging my feet.  I’ve been really great at getting in my walrgging (walking plus jogging like a walrus) and my bike rides.  In fact, I’m totes ready in both of those skillz.  I think I’ll do both on the same day this weekend (if I don’t die from heat first) and see how I fair.  But, the swimming… eh… I still haven’t found a hygienified pool acceptable enough to hold my flab cakes… or maybe I don’t want to.

Enough was enough, I went shopping this past Saturdee for some pool-wearing attire… if it killed me.  First stop was ShopKo… whose dressing rooms were the temperature of the Sahara Desert.  I ain’t joking around.  The air conditioning did NOT work in that portion of the store.  I found the biggest variety of swim attire at this store… but I just gotta say… whomever invented a one-piece swimsuit never saw me before.  And that wasn’t just because I smacked myself in the face on several occasions pulling the rubberbandy material stuff up.  It was also very kind of them to include a piece of tape in the crotch portion as the “hygiene guard.”  FOR SERIOUS!?!?!  A piece of tape is going to hygienically keep me from getting a disease?  Stop it and invent something that works.  A shield of metal might be a better idea… even if I know you’re supposed to keep the underroos on when trying on a suit.

Needless to say, I looked hideous in everything.  Maybe I should have tried them on blindfolded.  It would have saved a lot of grief!  I did find a couple of things that “might” work… shorts and a swim top that wasn’t as annoying as the one pieces… but I didn’t like the colors or the look.  Sue me… I’m totes the daughter of a fashionista!   Next store was Wal-Mart… NOTHING… moving on.  Actually, I did find a couple of short/shirt combos that could work, but the fabric felt too flimsy.  Smith’s Marketplace… more NOTHING.  They had a lot of sling shot/rubberband bikinis in my size though.  QUIT IT, people who invent bikinis for 290-some-odd pound chics!  Just quit it!  I did find me some flip flops here, though… another thing I don’t wear because you can’t wear socks with them… unless you’re my dad… 😛  Hi dad!

I went home at this point and moped on the couch for an hour… swimsuit shopping does not instill any self confidence boosting agents… it just doesn’t.  Later, I ventured to Old Navy where I tried on and bought about 2 different possible swim outfits.  Shorts and a tanktop made out of the dri-weave stuff.  It was even better that I brought my purchases up to be checked out by a long lost classmate… and of course I couldn’t explain why I was buying such ugly/nekked-looking clothing.  I’m sure she thought I’d lost my marbles.  I just told her to wave next time she drove by my street corner.  That oughta explain it all!

Question of the Day:  When is the last time you went swimsuit shopping?  Any luck? 




Filed under Exercise

27 responses to “Rubberband Shopping…

  1. Natalie

    I’ve never met anyone that enjoys swim suit shopping! The lighting and mirrors make you look like you are in a fun house, anyway!

  2. cl2

    I usually don’t use the standard abbreviations–fur ROFLOL

    The last time I bought a swimsuit was when I was 26. I got quite thin after the twins were born–and I still never put on a swimsuit. I found ONE swimsuit after I was no longer a child that I actually liked. ONE. It cost $25 back in 1979. That was quite expensive. I still have it. Of course, I can’t wear it, but I loved that thing because it was the one and only swimsuit I ever felt okay in.

  3. Swimsuits are definitely tricky, if you can find one you feel good in – it makes such a difference! My kids always want to go swimming. My 11 yr old son doesn’t seem to get what a big deal it is for mom to get dressed and ready in a swimsuit!

    You might check out – they have a pretty good selection of pretty modest suits and their prices are fairly reasonable I think.

    • I’m totally going to check out that website! Thank you! Of course the youngsters would have no clue the trauma putting a suit on it. They’re all small and skinny-like and no one looks at the kids!

  4. dessawade

    I own a swim suit which is kindof weird since I don’t even know how to swim. I bought it many years ago and it hasn’t worn out yet because it doesn’t get worn unless I swim in a hot tub. 🙂

  5. Diana Davidson

    For many years I’ve wished that a really cute swimsuit with sleeves existed! Not anywhere that I’ve found!!

  6. jen

    I think that’s funny about the bikinis. Who wears them? When is your triathlon?

  7. Dorothy Dingman

    I am so glad you are going to give it a try! I love being in the water. The problems I usually encounter when shopping for swimsuits include, 1) Finding one that fits for what I need. I can’t wear a 2 piece at all, (even the cute, tank and shorts ones) because during laps, or water aerobics, the top rolls up under my breasts, and the bottoms seem to want to rest under my belly flap. No one deserves to see that exposed! 2) Swim suits are expensive and I am very frugal! I hate to pay out money for a swimsuit that the choline in the water makes see thru, or eats through the fabric in only a couple of months time. 3) I am large busted, and need support on top, and modesty for when I am jumping and bouncing during water aerobics.

    Considering all of these issues, I have had the best luck finding my suits online. I usually use, and Both of these sites carry plus size suits that are also chlorine resistant. They come in many different styles and colors. I can always find a coupon code as well. I have 2 different suits that I bought almost 1.5 years ago. I alternate them and swim 2-3 times a week. They both look brand new…color, shape, and fit wise. The only thing is that I have to replace the lining in one suit (my favorite) because it is not a chlorine resistant material and it has lost it’s shape, and is disintegrating, (but the suit is still not see-thru, just scratchy material now).

    Best of luck to you, and remember that no one can see once your in the water. I have found no one really cares either, especially if you choose to swim at a location where they have times set aside specifically for those there to swim laps, physical therapy, water jogging, or water aerobics. They are all there for the same reasons and no one judges.

    • LOVE your post, Dorothy! Thanks so much for the great ideas and the tips for the chlorine eating material and websites. Going to check them out for sure! Someone who swims regularly knows these things!

  8. Deanna

    Your blog today is hilarious! I just love your humor! For serious Whitney – NOBODY loves swimsuit shopping, no matter the size. I went swimsuit shopping in February with a couple of gal pals. We are going on a cruise in December and we are all on the same mission – to lose weight. We all went with the intention of buying a suit that we would wear on the cruise but wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable in now. This was to be our motivation. Of course, trying on swimsuits that aren’t flattering, knowing they aren’t going to be still doesn’t make the experience any more uplifting.

    I’ll have you know – I did buy a two piece swimsuit. I’ve worked really hard for 2 years now and I swear that I WILL reach my goal by December. I want to rock this bikini! I think I am getting really close. 🙂

    Bravo to you for taking such a leap outside your comfort zone with this swimming thing. I can’t wait to hear about where you decide to finally take the big leap! Keep on reaching, Whitney! Such an inspiration to all of us!

    • How exciting, Deanna! A cruise in December is like the perfect time to go too! Have a blast… and with all this hard work you’re putting in you won’t even have to bat an eye putting on a suit. You will look fantabulous!! Thank you for the support and reading the ramblings, girl!

  9. Gah – I know what you mean. Shopping for clothes in general is not fun (specially when it’s HOT) – and swim suits are the worst. Dressing room mirrors are terrible.

    Hm, I don’t recognize any of the stores you mentioned except for Walmart and Old Navy. If you aren’t comfortable with what’s being exposed – wear a tshirt over it. I have done that off and on for years when I couldn’t find anything that worked well (meaning adequately covered me). I’m in agreement with Dorothy above, it ticks me off how expensive they are!

    Keep on doing what you are doing and don’t worry about what anyone thinks, you are getting out there and moving, and that is what matters. Well done.

    • I know… how do they make those stupid mirrors anyway? They seem squatty and fun-mirror carnival like! Thanks, Kari. I’m definitely going to have to don a t-shirt if I don’t find a shirt that I like.

  10. Swimsuit shopping is the worst! Sorry! But I am very impressed by you!

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