Thud, Crash, Boom…

*** THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD, CRRRRREEEAAAAKKK… BOOM***  Hey y’all… here I am… the Abominable Blimp of Arbor Day Past.  Kind of like the lesser known cuzzin of the Ghost of Christmas Past… except on Arbor Day, which no one celebrates and no one gets off from work for.  So, basically it’s a title with the perks of being able to eat until you explode.  Who wants to run for this prestigious office in the next election?  I’m looking to get out of my gig.

This past week was a wash of epic proportions in the eating department… EPIC.  I feel disgusting… all bloated and sick to my stomach… and much like I did every single day of my life 235 pounds ago.  It’s no wonder I was always sick back in those days… I ate like a freaking garbage disposal.  Food is fuel… which has still not totally registered in my noggin because despite feeling like a crapload of Kentucky Fried Chicken vats, I kept shoveling it in.  Bad choices… bad quantities… and bad accountability.  Did I mention I feel disgusting?

The good news in all of this… at least I recognize how disgusting I feel and why I feel the way I do.  In the olden days, I don’t think if you hit me upside the skull with a baseball bat and told me I was bleeding, would I have recognized I was bleeding BECAUSE of the hit to the head with the baseball bat.  I would have blamed everything else on the aching head wound.  Global warming… Al Gore’s head… Count Chocula’s Salmonella outbreak.  I never attributed my sad stomach and my general feeling of fatigue and disgustingness to my eating and non-exercising habits… it was always something else.  Oh, I have irritable bowel syndrome.  I’m allergic to lactose.  OJ Simpson got away with murder.  NEVER did I accept that it was because I ate too much sugar and too much fried fatty stuff and just too dang much.  So, the good news in my epic week of epicness.  I recognize why exactly I feel like a bloated toad… and I know what to do to turn that around.

The bad news… my confidence has been shaken… not stirred… and I don’t know if I have that gumption to get it done.  There has been a recurring theme over the last several months.  I’ll eat beautifully on the weekdays with my menu plan in place, but then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday show up and I think because I’ve eaten beautifully during the week, I DESERVE to have a “treat.”  Which has always been my motto… even during the times when I was losing like gangbusters… but I meant it to be ONE treat on ONE weekend day… not 57 treats on every weekend day… which has stalled any progress I should be making from my strict regimen of eating and exercise during the week… and I guess lack of seeing any progress eventually weighs on a person… (WEIGHS… Bwahahahaha… get it?) and that lack of self confidence and self esteem creeps up faster than Richard Simmons at a TuTu convention.

The other good news… because the good days have evened out the bad, I have maintained my weight.  No big gain to worry about taking off.  I can just move on into new territory of kicking butt-dom.  I REFUSE to let this thing lick me.  The measure of a (wo)man is not in how many times she gets knocked down, it’s in how many times she gets the heck back up.  I’m up… try to take me down for good and I’ll hit you in the head with a baseball bat.  That’s right.

Question of the Day:  What do you do to bring focus back when you’re struggling with something?  




Filed under Calorizing

20 responses to “Thud, Crash, Boom…

  1. Natalie

    Perfect poster! I always treat myself backwards, too. For any reason, good, mad, or bad! My solution is food. I’m trying to stop and remember other solutions. It’s not natural for me!

  2. Avster

    Good question… I just got my focus/perspective back…. took me a while to get there too.
    My situation is entirely different and if you *really* want to know you’ll have to send me an e-mail about it, but one day I finally woke and realized, “This is ridiculous. You can’t go one living like this. You have a feeling what’s God might be doing with this situation so you have to accept it and believe it. Worrying and fretting over it is not going to do anything and it’s going to be a long time before this even transpires. Just live and let God!”

    So, that’s what happened when I got my perspective/focus back again. But… I mean…. reading it is one thing… doing it is another thing… but believing and trusting it is another, but the most important, thing.

  3. Diana Davidson

    My focus is helped by envisioning the future I want. And like you…remembering to be a little disgusted by the old me! What you deserve, my friend, is to be your very best. You are so worth it!

  4. Karen

    Exactly what you did. Talk it out–then move on. Thank goodness for friends or a blog. Whatever the challenge it is a roller coaster ride!

  5. dessawade

    You are worth it WHIT! Just keep doing what you are doing in the week and then try for better control on the weekends. I need to do the same.

  6. Write out what I want to accomplish and the steps I know it takes to get it done. Then I decide which of those steps, if not all of them, I’m willing to take to get back on track. Then I read that list a few mornings in a row, or when I am getting ready to grocery shop, or head into the weekend. 🙂

  7. Louisa

    Question of the Day: What do you do to bring focus back when you’re struggling with something?

    When I get off track ( it is usually a single meal – like my Dh takes us out to eat spontaneously ) and I don’t worry about it too much.
    I can always get back on track the next morning and no harm done.
    Occasionally, I have a day or two when I don’t get in my usual numbers with my workouts. I have to push myself back into the routine and then it gets easier again.
    This month has been particularly tough for me. In addition to running the kids around like a mad-woman and the 104+ heat here in MO… I have been experiencing some peri-menopausal symptoms. I think the fatigue ( or ‘powering down’ that I feel during the day ) is my most annoying symptom thus far…
    I think that is why my weight loss has been stalling out. I went to Natural Grocers and checked out their selection of natural products and picked the brain of one of the employees there. I am trying a supplement called Maca root to help balance my hormones to see if it will help. I have only been taking it for a couple days so I can’t tell any difference yet.

  8. Deanna

    I love your little saying there. Good stuff! I also love your “Get up and doing it again” attitude. Good for you Whitney. It’s not about perfection, it’s about accepting that we aren’t perfect.

    To answer your question – Since reading the book that I had mentioned to you (which by the way was FABULOUS. I actually found myself in tears near the end of the book with self-realization) I have had much fewer of these episodes myself. Of course there are still times when I struggle, but the effects seems to be less as I have learned to better recognize the problems/patters prior to the problem getting out of hand. To get back on track, I look in the mirror with LOVE rather than disgust. This is something I used to really struggle with. I tell myself, sometimes aloud, that I love myself and my body and I am going to treat it with respect. I vow to treat it right with nutrition and exercise. In return, I find that it treats me well too. 🙂

    • You just need to come and whap me upside the head to tell me to quit being lazy and get to that book. It’s definitely on my list… I just need to have more hours in the day! I love that it has helped you so much.

  9. We have staggered our work days and work out days so that week workout of 4 work days and a weekend day – this way we don’t get into the mentality of “it’s the weekend let’s party (and eat junk food)!” it doesn’t always work, but has been more successful for us than the alternative.

    The good news is, like you said, you maintained. I wonder what that says about the current state of your metabolism? It did exactly what skinny metabolisms do! In the past, your metabolism probably didn’t know what to do with all the excess nutrients, and stored them. This time it seems to have still used them for fuel, and burned them. Sounds like a healthy metabolism to me :).

    • I should really consider trying that new weekend day thing. I think my problem is just the lack of the routine. Most times I work Monday through Friday (sometimes the weekend too), so my routine is thrown off.

  10. Wow – what I meant to say before my iPad auto corrected my sentence to jibberish: we work out 4 of our actual work days, and 1 non-work day/weekend day (we workout Mon-Fri, and work Tue-Sat).

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