The Cow Dung Bike Tour…

This past Monday night, I had in mind that I was going to pull my first 13-mile bike ride.  I usually do about 10 miles per ride, but if I was going to get used to accomplishing 12.1 for my triathlon I still haven’t jumped into the water for, I thought I better see if my rear end didn’t eat the bicycle seat with 3 extra miles.  I drove my car along the course in advance to map out the mileage and the plan was to drive through North Logan, through Hyde Park, and end up in Smithfield where I’d turn around in the Sky View round-about and venture back home.  Three extra miles should be nothing on a bike.

Firstly, I’m going to have to drive around to all the farmer’s who own big fields in the valley and make a list of the times they plan on freshly manuring their fields… for serious!  I ain’t a stranger to the smell of cow manure.  There’s usually the perma smell going on around the valley on a 24/7 basis, but it’s completely different when the farmer manures his 77-acre field and I happen to ride my bike next to said field while he’s manuring.  I have a sensitive smeller.  I dry heave at the very sign of gross… fish cooking… dry heave… diapers being changed… dry heave… and rolling around in cow dung… DRY HEAVE!!!  So, I’m riding my bike and this farmer dude is spreading manure on his field and the smell is so strong, I have to stop and pull up my shirt to cover my nose… my eyes are watering, I’m dry heaving up a storm, and it’s neverending.  The street I was riding down was at least a mile long… freshly cow dunged fields up and down both sides of the street too.

I finally get far enough away from the field to quit the heaving, but then I hear this humongously loud popping sound and before I know it I’m stopped on the side of the road with a completely pancaked rear tire.  My worst fear when I first got a bike was having the tires pop under my weight.  Thank all that be holy that was not the case this time… I ran over something sharp.  I blame it on the cow dung, though.  So, here I am stranded in Hyde Park walking my bike along the side of the road, walrus wearing a thimble on my head.  And the only thing that could have made this picture better was if I was wearing a pink-tulled tutu and a sports bra with streamers.  I don’t always bring my cell phone with me on bike rides… but for some reason this time I did.  Madre to the rescue.  Which would have been cool and all but the first thing she said to me when I’d loaded the bike in the truck and climbed into the passenger seat was… you smell like cow manure.  THANK YOU!!!!!!!  I rest my case.

I don’t know how I smelled so horrid when I didn’t actually roll around in the stuff.  Is cow manure like smoke in that just because you’re driving by it, you automatically smell like a transient junk heap?  I had to disinfect my clothes and take an extra long shower when I got home.

Rest in peace, Rumpita the bicycle and your tire.  I guess I have to learn how to repair you now… though I’m thinking lazy will win out and I’ll just take it into Al’s!

Question of the Day:  What’s your least favorite smell? 

That’s George Jefferson, the feral cat in the background.  Anyone want a stray feral cat named George?




Filed under Exercise

24 responses to “The Cow Dung Bike Tour…

  1. Diana Davidson

    You blogs are so much fun to read! Honestly, my least favorite smell is cigarette smoke. Love the smokers….hate their smoke!!!

  2. kim

    Bath & Bodyworks Midnight Pomegranat spray. I wear it all the time and people are always telling me I smell good!! I’m guessing it’s the spray they like!

  3. kim

    OH….you wanted LEAST FAVORITE!!! Well that would have to be my basset hounds when they are wet and have been rolling around outside in their pen!

  4. cl2

    I can’t pick just one–what comes to mind? Brussel sprouts. Canned dog food. (just things I’ve noted recently) And I think one of these days I may even try that chili recipe.

    • Haha!!! Funny you should say canned dog food. My dad will not allow canned cat food to be opened in this house. I think I got his smelling issue. The chili is yummy, Colleen!

  5. Louisa

    What an adventure, Whitney!
    Love the scenic picture by the way.
    Poor Rumpita – she looks so sad all flat and all…
    I say taker her to the bike shop and ask Mr. Bike-shop-repair-guy to give you a lesson in changing a flat tire, airing it up, etc…

    Question of the Day: What’s your least favorite smell?
    Oh gosh…I have a few. I think it is a tie between cigarette/cigar smoke, alcohol ( the drinking kind ), McDonald’s, and puke.

  6. seth

    Hi Whit, I be repairing that tire for you if i was your neighbor:-)

    No smell bad except when laying in bed waiting to fall asleep or right when wake up.

  7. Avster

    My least favorite smell is cow-manure smelling Whitney. :b

    Seriously… maybe eggs…

  8. kittywampus!

    have you ever heard of a durian? It’s a fruit with “controversial” aromas. Some people like it, some hate it, but suffice it to say that in many Asian countries, eating it in hotels and other confined area is banned. There’s some hilarious youtube vids of people trying the stuff.

    • Note to self: stay away from a durian fruit… PERIOD!!! I wouldn’t mind googling the YT vids of idiots trying to be macho though. That sounds disgusting. I cannot eat something I think stinks… thus the reason I don’t eat fish!

  9. Oooh – I rode my bike out to Sky View a few times to play racquetball. The first route I chose was super smelly! The next time I chose a much safer route 😉 It makes me a bit too tired though to ride all the way out there, then play racquetball for 1-3 hours and have to ride home. I may need the calorie burn, but my stamina is just not that great! My hubby is a master bike fixer, so if you need help, let me know- I’ll send him over!

    Sewer smell is pretty bad, wet dog and burning hair are pretty bad too.

    • That would be a heckuva long exercise session… 3 hours of racquetball and then 2 or more hours of biking!! I do not blame you on that one! I am pretty sure the stinky field you are thinking of is the exact same one I’m referring to. I made it to Sky View on that stinky road, then had to turn around and drive back down it! ICK!

  10. jen

    Oh Whit, your life is such an adventure you could write about it. Oh wait you, do! I look forward to reading it every day.

  11. Lindsay

    Least favorite smell…..changing my kitty litter

  12. Deanna

    HAHAHA!!!! This isn’t all likely very funny to you, but it sure is funny! Except the blown tire. That sucks. That’s my biggest fear when I”m out riding too, that I will be stranded somewhere far away from anyone else.

    The smell that I just can not handle – vomit. The sight, smell and SOUND will cause me to immediately follow suit.

  13. Too funny! Sorry about the flat tire–I hope you are able to get Rumpita back ship-shape soon. Thank goodness for cell phones and madres 🙂
    My least favorite smell has got to be a dead, bloated, decaying skunk 🙂

  14. Pingback: The Summer of the Flatness… « craving a life

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