It Was A Three-Hour Boil…

Totally stole that title from Gilligan’s Island… except instead of a tour, it’s a boil.  Side note:  I have never in my lifetime seen an episode of Gilligan’s Island… that was before my time.  It’s amazing what pop culture one picks up from watching Sesame Street… yo!  By the by… the other night I watched the documentary, Being Elmo.  Fascinating!  Who knew how much work goes into becoming a puppeteer?  I geeked out approximately 85 times because dude who plays Elmo is like POLAR opposite of what you’d picture the dude who plays Elmo to be.

This weekend’s weekly cooking marathon was a disaster of EPIC proportions.  I was excited when I began cooking, but 4 hours later I wanted to rent an Army tank and roll over every last stove/oven combo in the valley.  That sounded like a right good entertaining afternoon… said the chick behind the metal bar things.  What was my issue?  Oh… everything… except the kitchen sink which very kindly ate up every last bit of dinner I cooked.  I get all gung ho about trying new things and forget to have a plan B in place when said new things turn out disastrous.  Note to self:  Plan Bs are always a good idea… and in your case… plans C through Z.

My new thing for this week?  Dry lentils.  I’ve eaten lentils before.  I like lentils in the right recipe.  I know they’re the cuzzin to the bean so they are major proteiniferous.  All good things to know.  I also knew that since this was a new item for me to cook, I’d need to follow the recipe to the T.  No changing up things like I’m so used to doing.  I found me a mightee tastee-looking recipe for lentil sloppy joes.  Madre asked me what I was cooking before I started and when I told her she made a face and said, Good luck with that.  Love the confidence oozing off of the madre specimen.  I cut up all my veggies, got my ducks in a row (no worries little duckies… you’re safe on my turf), and began my lentil adventure.  I followed the recipe to a T… added in how much water it told me to… and since I was following the recipe so diligently, my dish should be totally finished in 30 minutes.  Sweet.  Just enough time to do the dishes and kick back for a Sundee night jaunt on the deck.

Except… not so much.

One hour in, the lentils were still crunchy… so I added another cup of water and let it “simmer” some more.  Every 5 or 10 minutes I’d check my lentils… still crunchy.  So every 5 or 10 minutes, I’d add more water until I seriously thought I could probably go for a swim in the lentils with no problems… there I go… totes just conquered my swimming pool aversion!  😛  THREE HOURS later and approximately 5 more cups of water added to what the recipe already called for, I gave the crap up.  Crunchy lentils will NOT be on my menu this week.  PERIOD.  END OF STORY!  You might as well just hand me a gift card to the Chuck-up-Arama and call it a day.  NASTY!!  Lentils are off my desired check list for a while.  Madre thinks it’s because they were stewing in a thick sauce… even if I was adding water to said thick sauce.  But, the person who made up the recipe obviously made it work… unless he/she prefers crunchy lentils.  Oh… by the by… the directions on the lentil package told me to spread them out on a white plate and pick out all the rocks… WTH!?!?!?!?  Rocks!?  I did not do that… maybe that was the crunch?

The one recipe that did turn out good… the Easy Pad Thai recipe… hallelujah Walter!

The only hard thing about this recipe was waiting 30 minutes for my rice noodles to soak.  Dagblasted rice noodles… why can’t you be like your cuzzin, the lentil?  On second thought… thank all that be holy they aren’t!

Question of the Day:  Have you cooked lentils before?  Any good recipes?  


PS – Another photo contest… do they ever end?  If you have a second, would you click on this Facebook link and like the photo for my friend?  Muchas Gracias, y’all!   



Filed under Food

10 responses to “It Was A Three-Hour Boil…

  1. Avster

    Nope, never used lentils.

    Nope, photo contests never end. :b

  2. I think I’ve put them in soup before, but never anything like the recipe you tried. That seems odd that they never cooked up right. Hmmm…

    I LOVE pad thai! I am so going to try that recipe! Where did you get the rice noodles? I know my way around mexican and italian food pretty well, but when it comes to chinese and oriental types of food, I’m pretty clueless. So, if you could tell me where you got the rice noodles and what kind they were, I would be super grateful! 🙂 Did I mention that I LOVE pad thai!

    • A question I can answer! They are actually really easy to find! I think pretty much ANY grocery store in town and then go down the foreign food aisle… I don’t know what they call it but it usually has a hodge podge of Mexican ingredients, Asian ingredients, etc. The ones I bought are called Taste of Thai. I don’t think you mentioned that you like Pad Thai yet? 😛 Good luck and enjoy!

  3. jenny

    Whitney… I’m sure you get a “ding” whenever anyone sends you a post, but I sent you one on the Chris Powell topic. Hope you read it…
    PS…. your putting yourself “out there” now…. It’s only a 2 hour show….. DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!!! You have peeps who can help you! Sing it girlfriend. 🙂

    • Jenny… you are making me blush!! Thank you for the kind words and for the persistent encouragement to DO IT, DO IT, DO IT! 😛 I’ll leave you with this… I’ll think about it. Which is a wayyyyy better answer than NO anyday, right!?

  4. Katbaran

    I’ve made lentil vegetable soup. It was good but it *really* did not like my digestive tract. Never again. As for your crunchy lentils–could they have been old lentils? Mine cooked up in soup in about a half hour. How high was the heat? I really don’t know much about dried beans, but I do know if they are old–and you can get them fresh from the store and they are old—they will take forever or maybe never get soft enough.

    • Now I’m going to have to go check out the expiration date on those lentils. That could be it because I cannot find any other explanation after a 3-hour boil! I just bought the suckers on Saturday, but I definitely know that sometimes grocery stores don’t change out their supply before it expires! Thanks for the tip, Kat!

  5. Deanna

    I have been wanting to try them, but have not. Now, I am not so sure that I want to go there. I will take a cue from you, Whitney! On to bigger and better things – or ingredients! 🙂

    • You might make them and have them turn out beautifully, Deanna!! I was not impressed. And I’ve had lentils before that I really liked! Eh well. Can’t win them all!

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