Whitney the Olympian… and Madre Turns 1 Year Younger… You Read That Right…

I’ve been watching the Olympics some this week… LOVE ’em.  Mostly, I love when the USA Olympians defy the odds and bring home a medal… and then I get all verklempt-like.  For example, when the US gymnastic team won… I blubbered like a 4-year-old whose trike got kicked in the ditch… that was amidst fist pumps and some really embarrassing woo hooing… yes, I get into my TV time.   Then I got to thinking how I’d be as an Olympian… as a comparison:

Olympic Gymnast:  Jumps 20 feet in the air, defies all laws of physics, does 10 backflips, slays a dragon, comes back down and lands perfectly on the balance beam while fireworks go off in the background.

Whitney the Olympian:  Falls on face whilst trying to put pants on.

Close enough?  But they gave me a 9.7 score on the graceful pants-falling trick… for totes sure!

I’ve also been watching some swimming and diving competitions.  A few things that skeeve me out… so, the swimmer person wins the race and then he/she dunks his/her face into the nastified water (chlorine doesn’t work… are you kidding me right now), drinks some up in his/her mouth and then spits it back into the water!  Um… hello… there’s my little friend named Cryptosporidium… and his brother named Giardia… oh, and the overbearing cuzzin, E. coli… throw some Shigella in there and a tad of norovirus and then call me in the morning.   Nastified!  And then, I was also reading some article about what Michael Phelps ingests when he’s training… and it’s something like 8,000 to 12,000 calories and boy has 0.000000002% body fat, a six-pack and arm muscles.  For serious!?!?!?  That is just not fair!  Maybe he needs to make a workout video… because I’d buy it… just so I could get a 6-pack whilst eating like a bear entering hibernation phase.  Oh, Olympians… take me into your people.  I need to bask in your greatness… kick my buttocks into gear!


Meanwhile… today is Madre’s Birthday… and not only did she turn 1 year younger, she is also once again celebrating said birthday amongst the dust and dirt of the wilderness at girl’s camp.  I’d say I’m totes jealous of her, but I’m absolutely the opposite of that word.  Camping is never my forte… but especially on one’s birthday.  THE NERVE!

So, Madre… tonight when you’re getting into your sleeping bag after you’ve turned 1 year younger, do me a favor… light a candle (keep it away from the bug spray… I repeat.. away from the bug spray), close your eyes, click your heals together and say over and over… There’s No Place like the Ritz Carlton… There’s No Place like the Ritz Carlton.  Then,  climb in your sleeping bag, go to sleep, and in the morning you’ll still be in a sleeping bag in the wilderness… but imagine all them good dreams you’d have about the Ritz… for serious!  I love you, momma.  Even if sometimes we clash and sometimes you want to ring my neck and sometimes you might want to bash me in the head with a chill pill club.  I hope you have a fabulous birthday!

Question of the Day:  Have you been watching the Olympics?  What is your favorite event?  



Filed under Exercise, Family

14 responses to “Whitney the Olympian… and Madre Turns 1 Year Younger… You Read That Right…

  1. Natalie

    what a beautiful picture of that road

  2. Avster

    Happy birthday, Madré!!

    My favorite is definitely the figure skating! Oh… wait… I think you mean summer… umm… boy… maybe gymnastics… I find the summer Olympics to be on the boring side… but I love the winter Olympics!
    Still, I usually watch the summer Olympics when I have the chance.
    I do enjoy the volleyball- more so the indoor than the outdoor… mainly for the lack of clothes in the outdoor. :s

  3. Lindsay

    Happy Birthday to the greatest MOMMA DESSA ever!

  4. cl2

    Yes–I’ve been watching–and I haven’t for a long time, so I’m kinda shocked I am, but I have BASIC cable and there isn’t much else on–I mean repeats of King of Queens or Home Improvement. Anyway–I thought of you while watching swimming last night–where do we buy THEM THERE SWIMSUITS?

    And Happy Birthday to your mother. Hate to say it, but only one worse month to be born in than July (me)–AUGUST. I hate these 2 months.

    • I thought the same thing when I saw the women’s swimsuits! They are down to the knees! Now all I need is something that covers the top too and I’m set! I will trade you the month of January for all of your July/August months! 😛

  5. Diana Davidson

    I think those Olympians must earn every single calorie they eat. They are turbo-charged!

  6. Louisa


    Question of the Day: Have you been watching the Olympics? What is your favorite event?
    Hmmm – well I do like to watch the swimming and gymnastics but I would like to see more highlights from ALL the other sports being played.
    I like the white water kayaking. That is really interesting.
    Love the indoor and beach volleyball( men & women both ) What action!
    They haven’t showed ANY equestrian events in prime-time so I have to go online to see what is going on there.
    We haven’t seen even any highlights of the track & field events, archery, Taekwondo, boxing, shooting and so many others……Nothing!
    Is the USA sucking in these categories or what? Isn’t it still news worthy to show a clip anyway?

    • I think track comes next week! I like track too… and if I remember correctly they did show quite a bit of the running stuffs in previous years! I agree about seeing a few highlights here and there. It seems to be a lot of swimming and gymnastics… I won’t complain about gymnastics, though, since they are my fave!

      • Louisa

        I have to agree that the close up shots of the swimmers splashing water down their “sealsuits” and the spitting is a bit much – ew.

  7. Happy Birthday Dessa! Hope you got a new comfy MuuMuu 😉
    I totally agree with the swimmers taking a mouthful of swimming pool water–YUCK! I do love the Olympics 🙂

    • ALENA!!! What are you doing to me here… giving her permission to have another ugly muumuu! For SHAME! If she gets one I’ll get it in the mail to you ASAP! NEver fear. I knew we’d agree on the swimming water. So nastee!

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