The Luckiest Unlucky Person in the Universe!!

That would be me!  I made vague mention of achiness in yesterday’s post… to cement my doo hickey durr butter status, here is the story.  We drove to St. George this past weekend in Southern Utah, which would have been cool and all but the stars of doom and clutzitis followed me down that way and made sure they made their presence known.  I ain’t even joking around.  They hid themselves beneath one of my fat flabs and got nice and comfy until they could make their September debut… they come out at least once a month.

All was somewhat well (according to my lowered level of well anyway) until early Sunday morning when a few of us decided to go on a hike.  It was early due to the fact that St. George is a desert and still gets up into the mid to late 90s in the day time.  Who wants to swelter to death in the desert!?  I mean besides a super model.  The hike went okay on the way up.  I skipped trying to scale the slippery flat rock part of the process.  Something about gravity and weight and clutziness and because it was the smart thing to do.  That and every time I tried to walk up it I’d immediately slide back down to the bottom.  PASS!

On the way back down from the hike, not 100 yards from the car, my ankle turned and I went flailing head first like a torpedo at an all-you-can-smoke rock concert.  As I was lying there picking red dirt from my nostril spaces, I was most amazed that nothing felt broken.  My ankle hurt, my side hurt, my pride hurt, but nothing was broken.  I got up and hobbled my way to the car, thanking my lucky nostril hairs.

Not 2 or 3 hours later on a set of cement stairs, taking pictures of sister Lindsay’s family, I stood up from sitting on a stair, got all discombobulated, forgot I was on stairs, missed a stair and went head first flailing and skidding my way down 3 or 4 stairs.  I sat there with my nose pressed against the pavement for longer this time… because I was shocked at my idiocy level… TWICE in the space of 3 or 4 hours?  REALLY!?!?  When I finally came to, I swore… helled and damned all over the place (the nephews were tres impressed)… now instead of hobbling on my left ankle, my right knee was jacked up and I felt like a Mack truck had drug me behind it along the freeway for 12 hours.

And today… well, today on the day after, I feel 99 years old.  Bending, walking, putting a dagnabbed shirt and deodorant on… PUTTING PANTS AND SOCKS ON… all not possible due to my creakitis.  I also take 18 hours to walk up a flight of stairs on account of the fact that I have to do one at a time whilst leaning against the wall.  Is this what it feels like to get old and decrepit?  Whiplash is a real thing, yo!  Meanwhile, if anyone needs me I’ve reserved a room in the nursing home/psychotic ward.  If they let me take my strait jacket off once a day, I’ll be sure to answer the phone.  And that’s the story of how I garnered the title of Luckiest Unlucky Person in the Universe!  How many nearly 300-pound folk can go flailing around face first several times in a day and still be unbroken?  I rest my case!

Question of the Day:  Have you ever face planted?  Broken any bones?




Filed under Exercise, Family

17 responses to “The Luckiest Unlucky Person in the Universe!!

  1. Argh! That’s gotta hurt! So sorry you are dealing with that, but thankful that indeed you didn’t hurt yourself any worse. I’ve never face-planted, but I have fallen and broken bones. About 13 years ago, I fell down the stairs and broke both the bones in my left lower leg. I used to twist that ankle often (so painful). But since the surgeon fixed it with screws and plates, he tightened up those tendons/ligaments and I haven’t fallen since. Give that ankle ample time to heal.

    • Thanks, sweet Julie! I am just grateful I didn’t suffer the same broken leg you had to when I fell down the stairs. I’m glad they were able to secure it so that you wouldn’t have to worry about always babying the thing!

  2. Jacque

    Oh Whitney I can totally relate to how you feel. Just this past 4th of July I face planted it while at work in the ER. I was walking outside to help bring a patient from their car and tripped over a curb that I didn’t see and hit the ground before I knew anything had happened. Instead of helping the poor lady into the ER, I became the next patient. I knew immediately that I had broken my wrist. Now I’ve got a plate and screws to show for my stupidness. Now I’m the butt of every joke. Whenever I’m helping down there they quickly remind me that they better not let me help because I may break something. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Jacque… it must be a Berger gene!!! So miserable to have broken bones. I had one when I was cross country skiing and tripped over a log… and I’ve never wanted another since! If you need someone to come and shut those co-workers up, give me a holler. I can trip with the best of them! 😛

  3. Avster

    Yup, I face planted when I was skating. Yup, on the ice. Yup, it hurt. I got up, skated off the ice and looked at my knees… there were already huge bruises on them. :O

    I don’t think I’ve broken any bones… it is possible that I broke my pinky toe, but I never went in to have it x-rayed so I don’t know. It doesn’t give me any problems now so I’m guessing that I didn’t break it.

    Sounds as though The Gimp (my ankle) can do some comparing notes with your ankle. :b When I was at the park taking photos yesterday I made the mistake attempting to walk up a bank… my foot slipped and yeah, my ankle did not appreciate that.

    • Avster

      Oh, and that first shot is pretty cool.

      • Avster

        The name of the play was Zeros into Heroes. It was about Gideon… it covered the time from his hiding whilst threshing the wheat through the battle of Midian.

    • But when you stuck your tongue to the ice did it stick!?!? Bruises are war wounds… or so I’m told. Wear yours with pride. I have some nastee ones right now 5oo… my whole right leg and right arm is purple and blue… can’t wait until the yellowish tint grows in!! My favorite colors! 😛

  4. Deanna

    I am one of the most clumsy people that I know. I haven’t broken any bones yet, amazingly. I have sprained my ankle a time or two though. In fact, I fell UP a flight of stairs with a baby in my arms once. Yeah, that was my baby. Good thing his head was there to put a hole through the sheetrock though! Sheesh!!! He had a big bump on his forehead for a while but he turned out to be okay. PHEW! This is just one of MANY falls that involved stairs.

    • Oh no!!! So glad to hear your baby (and yourself) was okay when you tripped up the stairs. I have for sure done that many a time too. I am in good company in the clumsy department!

  5. Sandra

    Oh yea! I am not graceful and I certainly done that before too many times to count. Just happy you did not break bones!

  6. Oh Whit, I am so sorry!!!
    You know I have done some mighty fine falls in my day, and amazingly I have never broken a bone, yet (hurry, hurry, knock on wood).
    Gorgeous pictures!!
    Get feeling better, and warm me up a spot at the old folks home, okay?!

  7. Liz

    Unfortunately it only gets more painful and longer recovery the older you get. Boo! I have been extremely unlucky these last few years. I own crutches. I gave my walker to my 92 yr old grandma. I even rented two wheelchairs at once (work and home)! May your faceplants always results in only bruises 🙂 Stay safe.


    Question of the Day: Have you ever face planted? Broken any bones?
    I have had some clumsy moments ( like stepping off a curb and twisting my ankle or misjudging the rise in a sidewalk and clipping my shoe just enough to send me flailing).
    Fortunately, no broken bones.
    Bruises, crapes, and some dented pride is all thus far…(knocking on wood ).

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