Whenever a birthday rolls around, I usually get to picking myself apart… kind of an assessment of the past year. I’m also a sarcastic bugger. If you regularly read these here ramblings (WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?) you may have figured that out. Sarcasm is my survival skill… and often sarcasm can come off as bitter and negative and depressing in the wrong tone of voice/mood/attitude. I’m also really good at self-deprecation. It’s a habit I’ve had since I was a teenager. No one can ever think that I think I like myself… EVER! Because… just looking at me they can already see approximately 53324244342423 things wrong with me… and that’s just my front side.
My annual birthday assessments usually turn into a long laundry list of the things I did wrong… and then that turns into the thought that I’m pathetic… and then that usually turns into an eating smorgasboard of stoo-pid! I think too much. I harp on every little thing I do wrong until it makes me feel loserish. For example… this past weekend I carried the work pager. I got a call from a doctor who woke me out of my sleep, so my brain was already confused. I lost train of thought a lot and stumbled over words during that 2-minute conversation… and I’m still beating myself up for it. EMBARRASSING! When the memory crops up in my brain, I usually have to yell, OH MY LAWS!! Or D’OH!!!! That’ll teach me to ever be brainless!
The positive things have to outweigh the negative things… for one thing… I’m still alive! That’s pretty much worth passing the GO spot on the Monopoly board. Those positives get lost in my constant beratings… and that’s just sad. So what I haven’t lost a pound and just maintained weight within a 5- to 10-pound radius over the last year? Sure that sucks, but I should also know that it takes work to maintain weight. I could have gained the regular 30 pounds per year that most folk put on… but I was still conscientious. The healthy lifestyle was never far from my mindset… I just didn’t always accomplish it.
Let’s look at what else I did right for a change. After 12 years of saying I was going to go back to school… I did it. This was the year I turned that stagnant to-do list item into a reality. And in the meantime, I had to adjust to a new normal and that adjustment period did not go so smoothly, but I will figure this out… and pretty soon I’ll be back to losing… because that’s the game of life. It’s dips and dives and roller coasters so freaktastic it puts Lady Gaga’s costume closet to shame. I just had to go back through the last 2 paragraphs and trade out the word “you” for “I.” Somehow it always makes it less that I’m trying to compliment myself like an arrogant jerkface when I refer to myself in the 2nd person. Because “YOU” could mean any one person. Nope… no more… moving on to Egotistical-ville!
When we were in St. George a few weeks back, Lindsay found this sign in one of the gift shops (I know… can you believe she went shopping… that almost never happens… in prison!) I liked it, so I took a picture of it. It really does apply to my self-deprecation situation Quit thinking about what other people think of you. Eight times out of ten, they don’t even remember the times you made a fool of yourself… and those two who do… eh, forget ’em!
Question of the Day: Do you find yourself self-deprecating?