Rubber Hand Woman… Totes A Comic Book Bestseller!

So, I’m sitting here, as people do, wondering who the crap dropped the ball on that one!  Rubber Hand Woman as a comic superhero is like the most fantastic idea since plastic ovenware… said no one ever!  That’s what I’m calling myself.  The cast came off on Thursday but my right hand feels like it’s not a part of me yet.  It’s like some creepy imposter rubber thing that hangs out like a limp dishrag and yells at me when I move it the wrong way… why I oughta!  Who’s the boss up in this here joint… get to hopping!  Turns out, my expectations of what I’d be able to do with my hand/wrist/arm IMMEDIATELY sans cast were like a pipe dream.  I thought I Dream Of Jeannie would grant me my wish of getting back my gig in the circus that entailed me walking on my hands uphill both ways with no pants or socks on.  (That may have been lost in translation!)  Instead I have to be content with range of motion of 2 degrees and a side of osteoporosis!  The doctor was telling me how one gets osteoporosis when their joint is immobile for a long period of time but I was zoning out trying to figure out which gloves would look best at my new circus gig.  He was telling me some story about how astronauts lose calcium and get osteoporosis if they are in space too long… blah, blah, blah, blah… where’s my cookie!?

The good news… or so he says… if I go to physical therapy and eat my Viactiv calcium chews (which are masquerading as chocolate but more taste like a piece of tar with cocoa powder sprinkled in it) then I could get my range of motion back.  The whole weekend I played with my thera-putty (aka silly putty for old crippled people) and practiced trying to force my wrist to bend further than it wanted (which at this point is negative 1 degree).  Today, my arm yelled at me and grounded me for a good year!  PATIENCE!!!!  Physical therapy begins tomorrow morning and I plan on asking them if they have a nice rubber foot I could purchase to match my hand… Because this just done be weird and stuff!

My new joint… which comes off for showering… THANK ALL THAT BE HOLY said every last garbage bag/duct tape maker!  I asked if they had it in the color putrid orange like the 70s because I do like to stand out even further than I already do, but unfortunately I forgot my time travel machine and disco died years ago!

Hoarfrost is pretty… but it would be prettier if it would appear in 70-something-degree weather!  Get on that!

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  If you could choose your ideal outdoor temperature, what would it be? 

PS – Thank you all for the great insurance fighting advice.  I think I’ve finally finagled Progressive to pay their share of $3000… now to hope that BCBS behaves and ponies up for their portion so I can have the rest of my debt to pay.  I’m itching to give away this money I don’t have… BRING IT!  



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19 responses to “Rubber Hand Woman… Totes A Comic Book Bestseller!

  1. Jacque

    I’m glad to hear you got the cast off. That’s an amazing feeling. I hope you didn’t scratch til it bled. And I know that feeling of wondering if you’ll ever get to do anything normal again like open a door. I promise it gets better. And quicker than you’ll realize. Everyday gets better. My doc said I’d probably only get about 80% back but I really feel like I’m close to 100%. I hope you get the same results. Now mind your P’s & Q’s and do that PT. As for my ideal outdoor temp…80 degrees…and laying on a beach. Oh how jealous I am of Uncle Shane.

    • Thanks for the encouragement cuzzin Jacque! I hope I turn out just like you! As for being jealous about Unc. Shane and the Hawaiian adventure… TELL ME ABOUT IT! Bags fly free right? How many parts would I have to cut myself up into to fit into one?

  2. Natalie

    Dig in and keep trying. The insurance companies just seem to play chicken with you until you give up and pay. Don’t give up and pay
    ! Keep pestering them hard!

  3. Natalie

    So happy for you that now you have a waterproof hand again!

  4. Louisa

    QUESTION OF THE DAY: If you could choose your ideal outdoor temperature, what would it be?

    My ideal outdoor temperature would be between 73 – 83 degrees and LOW humidity with a breeze.

  5. Avster

    You’re lucky you posted today, Whit, because I was all set to spam your inbox.

    Ooh! Hoarfrost! Wish I would have been there!

    Ideal temp… forty something maybe… :b maybe fifty…. I dunno…

    If you would have let me autograph your cast you wouldn’t be having problems now… :b

    • YUCK!! I don’t mind 40s or 50s… but we never get that in the winter! I should have had her send you the gross cast when she cut it off on Thursday… then you could have signed it! 😛

  6. cl2

    I really didn’t think anyone else would say their ideal temp would be 40 to 50!! Yep–that would be mine. I can tolerate 70. Anything above can be torture. I also hate warm weather clothing.

    • Warm weather clothing is not as fun as cold weather… I’ve had to wear warm weather clothing all winter so far as none of my long sleeve shirts/sweaters fit very well over my cast and I didn’t want to stretch them out! Bring on the spring!

  7. cl2

    Oh–and glad to know you have your cast off (Karrie had told me last week so I knew). I hope it does improve quickly!

  8. dessawade

    Ideal temperature? 75 degrees

  9. Karen

    Have to tell you your wrist support is much more attactive that most. You should see the one I still occasionally put on! You are young. It will get better. Like two years later I no longer complain!

  10. Jen

    Nice brace. I like San Diego weather. 70-80 with an ocean breeze. But inland is way too hot. Did I tell you I just filed an appeal with insurance? They won’t pay for iron infusions and I need another. They’re only $1000 a piece LOL

    • UGH!! Insurance companies are so lame, Jen!!! I’m doing iron infusions now too, so I pay for the whole thing until the deductible is hit… I’ve never hit the deductible, so I’m not sure if my insurance company pays for them after that point.

  11. Alena

    My ideal temperature is about 75 degrees. That tree would look just magical in that sort of weather! Sorry about all the yucky insurance issues–why not just add insult to injury! How frustrating! I am so glad you can shower again without bagging the arm–at least that has got to feel liberating 🙂 Know that I am thinking about you

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