This blog of ramblings has really run the gamut of purposes… psychotic therapy… public humiliation… show-and-tell-the-stranger… but there’s always been at least one theme (besides the public humiliation one) and that is a sort of journal of my life. So one day 800 years from now, they can dig up my writings from the computer graveyard and be like… what in the world is she fligflabbing talking about!? I know my one (and maybe only) forray into theater was a few weeks ago, but I still needed to write about it before the “memory fades” and all I remember is that I almost fainted 5 billion times…. accurate number by the way.
I can’t remember anything… THE END. (There’s an out for all of you who could give a rat’s patookus… see how generous I am?)
I had never heard of The Garden before I auditioned… and at the actual callback audition they had me sight read through the main solo I had… and I ain’t gonna lie… I didn’t like it. The song, I mean (sight reading as well but that’s besides the point). I thought the melody was ugly. I kept an open mind, though, went home and downloaded the soundtrack off of iTunes because everything is better when you get orchestral background and a chic who actually knows how it should sound to sing it. Problem was… after listening to the original recording (which you can listen to here on YouTube), I still wasn’t impressed. Blugh. That is such a bummer… because to sing a song that you don’t like is hard… it usually sounds like you’re singing a song that you don’t like. Novel, right!? So, I listened to it on a neverending loop of psychotic and each time I disliked it even more than the time before. It’s kind of like that annoying Call Me Maybe song that I hated from the get go but that didn’t stop it from coming on the radio every time I turned it on… sort of.
When I was a teeny bopper and I was taking vocal lessons, my teacher once told me that no matter how many mistakes you make in a song, as long as you’re singing it with sincerity and emotion, no one will care about anything else. That’s always stayed with me… emotion is key. Let’s be honest… I don’t have the best voice in the world… my high note range is null and void… when I’m nervous my vibrato can get really machine gunny… etc., etc., etc. The one thing I have vocally that not everyone else has is the ability to inject emotion into what I’m singing. That’s when it hit me… the key to getting to like this song is to attach myself to the story of this old and barren olive tree. I learned I had a lot in common with her. The main solo is called What Good Will I Ever Be? Pretty sure you can find that phrase in every journal entry from age 12 to 18.
The Olive Tree is meant to be an allegorical figure and on the surface, the most obvious symbol is that she’s a woman who is having a hard time bearing children. I have thought that children are one of the things I will miss out on in my life… and sometimes that has made me sad. I have been taught all through my life in church that the reason we are here on this earth is to have children and make families… What good will I ever be there?
Another thing this barren olive tree could represent is a person with depression, down on themselves, and longing for the glimpse of light and love that will take them out of the depths of despair. Been there too. As I was pondering the words and applying them to all different aspects of my life, I realized… I have been the olive tree. This song is a plea that should be so familiar to me… and I grew to like the song because it was a way for me to express my own feelings through this character. I should note that on initial listening to the music, this was the only song I disliked… the other songs I loved. Maybe subconsciously it hit too close to home?
I didn’t mean to delve this far into the depressive side of things… but my fingers went there and I usually obey. I was going to make this all light and airy… like the pre-show ritual every night included chanting the words to the songs aka a satanic cult, then praying the cult away, after which I hyperventilated into my shirt, fastened my glasses to my bra strap (they told me the spotlight glared off of them too much), hyperventilated some more, and then mocked throwing up whilst practicing faux Yoga moves. I recommend it all… totes a great ritual.
All in all, twas a great experience for me to get me out of my comfort zone, to meet some uber fun and talented people, and to learn that despite almost fainting 5 billion times, I was able to stay upright… and I consider that there thing a success!
Question of the Day: What do you first gravitate toward in a song (i.e., words, melody, beat, voice, etc.)?
PS – Some of my family far far away on Judea’s Plains wanted the recording of me singing, so I bootlegged a copy and have uploaded it to YouTube at an unlisted address. The reason it’s unlisted is for copyright purposes… and I don’t need some random person watching the lump in the background. If you’d be interested in hearing it (the recording is not the greatest), either leave your email address in the comments or send me an email at email@example.com and I will be happy to send you the links. Otherwise, consider yourself saved!
PPS – Thoughts and prayers and comforting vibes sent to all the people who have been suffering unbelievable tragedies this week. Boston… Texas… stay strong and know that this Utah chic has been thinking of you often.
I snapped a picture of the stage on the last night… this is the view from the Ram in the thicket’s space. That there big tree in the back was the olive tree I sat next to…