Listening to doctors for 8+ hours a day, I sometimes get free medical advice. Okay… rarely. Okay… more like once every 10 years. Mostly, I just diagnose myself with some horrible incurable disease whilst listening… and then I Google my horrible made-up disease and I start preparing my insurance papers. That’s normal… said the invisible man wearing Mukluks and a tu-tu in my brain. One time a dermatology doc gave me advice on a cream I could use for the horrible black splotches underneath my eyes… tired-eye syndrome? So, I wrote it down 5 years ago and am just about to buy it this year… except, now I can’t remember the name of it and I’ve lost the piece of paper I wrote it on. You see… that’s the kind of advice that changes a person’s flibflabbed life!
My latest advice was from a particularly long-winded doctor, one who makes me laugh on a daily basis (the laughing is dependent on how frustrated I am with him that day). He gives some gem-worthy tidbits, let me tell you what. For confidentiality purposes, I will keep this vague, but the other day he gave some great advice on losing weight and I done incorporated it into my daily regimen. The advice? If I have the urge to eat something, I should hold my hands, and then I’ll be able to easily do it (lose weight).
Well, I’ll be blast me a rocket ship, Merle. Is that all!? All these years of slaving and missing the mark and the answer was in my very hands the whole time! Only one problem, I can still pick up a Snickers bar and stuff it in the ole yapper whilst holding said hands because I’m talented like that. Oh the humanity! It’s a gift… what can I say?
Now, maybe he left out a few phrases… like chopping said hands off with a machete and/or duct-taping them to a flag pole. Who am I kidding, I’d just learn to use my feet instead. Sorry, doc… we fat folk have us some talents you aren’t going to be able to tame. Maybe it’s a good idea I never bought that black under eye cream… I hear it’s tastee on a bagel.
Question of the Day: What’s the craziest weight loss scheme you’ve heard of?