Listening to doctors for 8+ hours a day, I sometimes get free medical advice.  Okay… rarely.  Okay… more like once every 10 years.  Mostly, I just diagnose myself with some horrible incurable disease whilst listening… and then I Google my horrible made-up disease and I start preparing my insurance papers.  That’s normal… said the invisible man wearing Mukluks and a tu-tu in my brain.  One time a dermatology doc gave me advice on a cream I could use for the horrible black splotches underneath my eyes… tired-eye syndrome?  So, I wrote it down 5 years ago and am just about to buy it this year… except, now I can’t remember the name of it and I’ve lost the piece of paper I wrote it on.  You see… that’s the kind of advice that changes a person’s flibflabbed life!

My latest advice was from a particularly long-winded doctor, one who makes me laugh on a daily basis (the laughing is dependent on how frustrated I am with him that day).  He gives some gem-worthy tidbits, let me tell you what.  For confidentiality purposes, I will keep this vague, but the other day he gave some great advice on losing weight and I done incorporated it into my daily regimen.  The advice?  If I have the urge to eat something, I should hold my hands, and then I’ll be able to easily do it (lose weight).

Well, I’ll be blast me a rocket ship, Merle.  Is that all!?  All these years of slaving and missing the mark and the answer was in my very hands the whole time!  Only one problem, I can still pick up a Snickers bar and stuff it in the ole yapper whilst holding said hands because I’m talented like that.  Oh the humanity!  It’s a gift… what can I say?

Now, maybe he left out a few phrases… like chopping said hands off with a machete and/or duct-taping them to a flag pole.  Who am I kidding, I’d just learn to use my feet instead.  Sorry, doc… we fat folk have us some talents you aren’t going to be able to tame.  Maybe it’s a good idea I never bought that black under eye cream… I hear it’s tastee on a bagel.

Question of the Day:  What’s the craziest weight loss scheme you’ve heard of?  




Filed under Calorizing

11 responses to “Advice…

  1. cl2

    Now that is really funny! I do think diagnosing ourselves goes along with the job! My family also calls me for medical advice. I have been right most of the time. At least they know what to ask their doctor when they go in!! I actually have several missing teeth. Thank goodness they are where you can’t see them. I love going to the dentist and they tell me about bridges, etc., Yes, let’s attach bridges to teeth that have had fillings since I was 13 years old. Good idea! (There is a commercial on TV now about how quickly those teeth connected to bridges give out.) What I tell the dentists is OBVIOUSLY I’m able to still eat.

  2. Lindsay

    Wow very smart doctor! I am currently doing the craziest thing RIGHT NOW! I am doing Dr. Oz Green Smoothie 3-day detox! I am on day 2 and going strong! I will let ya know if it is the miracle of all miracles.

  3. Natalie

    If that were true then all the knitter friends I know should be skinny as a rail. Nope. It didn’t happen that way. I know from experience that when my hands are busy I can dip my face into a bowl and lick up a cheeto. BTDT.

  4. Avster

    Oh rats… I was hoping you were going to be asking us for all sorts of advice. I’m disappointed. 😦 ~laughs~

    Can’t say that I’ve heard anything too crazy… If I have the urge to eat something and I know I’m not really that hungry I try drinking some water fill my stomach up…

    My best advice is to enter all sorts of baked goods at a fair because by the end of the week you’ll be so sick of seeing food and so tired from all the baking that sweets that normal/good food looks *really* good.

    • Give me some advice… I’ll take it! Don’t matter which topic… just as long as it has nothing to do with Peeps or dirt!

      See… my problem with baking things for the fair would be my baking never turns out because I have no patience to dirty 25 bowls to make one cake! SUE ME! So, the baking would end up being eaten by me instead of sent to the fair!

  5. Alena

    Love your pictures! Don’t doctors give just the best advice sometimes?! I would love to hear more of said doctor’s gems 🙂 The great thing about your profession is you can laugh, make faces, or roll your eyes while you listen to them 🙂

    • You are right, pal Alena… I don’t know if I’d survive if I couldn’t roll my eyes. I most likely do it on a minutely basis! I’ll be sure to take note of more of his gems. He has some good ones… like the time he talked about the reason people have insomnia is because they read a book before they go to bed and they get to a good part and they have to read one more chapter and one more chapter until the whole book is read and it is morning. He calls it the insomnia phenomenon.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s