You Can’t Make This Crap Up…

You can’t… I’m just telling you right now… you CANNOT!  I’ve been going to the Infusion Center at the hospital every other day for the last 2 weeks… trying to get rid of this taxing anemia I have going on, so I sit in a recliner with all of these other old folk and have Venofer pumped into my veins via an IV for 2 hours every other day… bring on the bills, hospital!  I think they charge per each millisecond you sit there.  Today’s reclining chair neighbors just happened to be 3 ole homeboys from the olden days.  The first one was already asleep and snoring as I took my seat.  Every once in a while, he’d do this horrible snorting noise, like he was trying to gather all of the mucus from his nostril holes up into the very tip top of his brain folds in one swift snorting movement… and then he’d talk to himself in his sleep.  I bring a book every time, but it’s hard to hear the words over snorting chair dude.

The other 2 homeboys were in their 70s, and I kid you not, their names were Butch and Patch.  I kid you the heck not!  Patch, I’m assuming, was named for the eye patch he wore, and I’m guessing Butch was named on account of the fact that he was built like an ox with a big ole bushy mountain man beard and overalls… pretty sure he had the mountain man beard swimming down the birth canal.  Butch and Patch knew each other… because their names nearly rhyme, I’m assuming, and because they were both farmer/rancher types from back in their golden days.  Butch even traveled the pro rodeo circuit for several years as a bull rider.

It’s funny to listen to 2 good ole boys talk to each other… each of them trying to one up the other in their stories of who rode the biggest bull and who had the most John Wayne movies (Patch won that one… he has a whole dagnabbed collection).  Butch says he is a fan of Steven Seagal and would like to meet him one day, and I’d agree with him, except NOPE!

I sat in that room of snorting and exaggerating and patching for 2 hours today and I managed to read 1 page of a book.  Who needs reading material when you have a room full of entertainment.  Happy Trails, Butch and Patch!

Meanwhile, in the 2nd thing I didn’t make up… the town round-about is getting all classy like and stuff.  They’ve erected a statue in the honor of the most prominent store in town and let me tell you what, this thing is CLASS-Y with a capital all of the letters.  It’s like we done be taking on the Museum of Art or some such nonsense.

Wait for it…

And there it is… I like to call it… Ye Yonder Wal-Martian Tributary.  By the by, I did many illegal round-about maneuvers to get these pictures.  There was much honking and cussing and one chic showed me how her little bird learned how to fly.  You are welcome.   Looks like the workmanship of Butch and Patch to me.  Good job, boys!

Question of the Day:  Are you a people watcher/listener?  

PS –  Happiest of happy belated birthdays to my favorite Madre who turned 29 for the 33rd year in a row this past Friday!  I was going to buy her a new muumuu, but then I remembered she would wear it and put the kabosh swiftly on that idea.  I’m sure lucky to have such a great momma!  Love you!

 

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “You Can’t Make This Crap Up…

  1. Dessa wade

    At least your infusion appointments aren’t boring with Butch, Patch, and Bruce there. Thanks Whit for the birthday wishes. What a sweet daughter you are!

  2. cl2

    Sorry you have to go through this, but it sounds like you get to be around some interesting characters. I wonder who put that grocery cart up there! That was a good one. I went to the post office here in Hyrum yesterday. The postmaster there is a lady from Providence. She was reading something she’d received in the mail about using those traffic circles. We all agreed that we are afraid of them. I had to use them A LOT in Colorado. I’m still afraid of them.

    • My issue with those round-about thingers is that they put them in the weirdest places! Places that would never in their lifetime need the traffic flow a round-about provides? Did you see the new one they have going on in Providence? Another weird place!

  3. Pingback: Awww, Ewww, and Durrr… The History… | craving a life

  4. Alena

    Love it! Happy belated birthday Dessa!

  5. Louisa

    Ah ok – making more sense to me now ( the Butch & Patch thing ).
    I read the most recent post first and was L O S T.
    Not totally caught up but working on it.

    Happy belated bday to your sweet mom. Beautiful pic!

    I am not a fan of the round-a-bout. They are getting more and more popular in the city.
    I have to deal with them but I still don’t like them.

    Louisa

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