There are a handfull (approximately 5000) of people who would classify me as weird! And by handfull I mean probably everyone I’ve ever seen in my entire lifetime. But, in my defense, they didn’t run into the 2 people I did this past weekend. Next to these 2 cuckoos I’m like Oprah Winfrey at the barn raising! Why would Oprah raise a barn? Hello!
Firstly, we got in line behind cuckoo #1 in the drive-through mailbox at the post office. A drive-through mailbox is basically meant to be a convenience thing. Someone who has a handfull of letters to mail, drives through and drops them in the mail slots. Voila… off to their grass picking job. This dude… THIS CUCKOO… had BOXES filled with all shapes and sizes of mail, which he painstakingly stuck in the slots one at a freaking time! Meanwhile, cars began to line up for blocks (and by blocks I really mean like 5 cars) and he was still dillying around emptying his boxes into the mail slots. You know those clown cars… where you think that there can’t possibly be enough room for so many clowns but they just keep coming out the door like they’re rising up from beneath the cement cracks? That was what it was like with the mail dude. Just when we thought he might be done, the envelopes just kept coming and coming and coming… he’d empty a box, move it to the back seat and there’d be another one underneath it. I kid you not… TEN MINUTES later (and much honking and annoyance from the cars in line), dude finally finished and drove off. My question… how lazy do you have to be not to be courteous enough to take your car full of mail into the post office? That’s like hogging up the express grocery lane with your 5000 couponed bottles of Metamucil. I’m looking at you Extreme Couponers!
Next Cocoa Puff award winner was met at the weekly Sam’s Club outing. Picture it… the Saturday before the Saturday before Christmas day, 1:00 in the afternoon. Aisles chock full of procrastinating shoppers and those who enjoy getting their free Saturday sample lunch. This chic came dancing past me… and by dancing I mean shaking and grooving like a mental patient… wearing ear phones hooked to an iPOD, and dodging the carts in the aisles like it was the most normal thing on the planet. Because I’m nosy and like to feel better about my non-weirdness I started following her, determined to get a video because dudes… it was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my natural born lifetime! Every once in a while when someone started looking at her like she was birthing a tree root out her noggin, she’d say things like, I’m not crazy… I’m just exercising! and Beep beep… exerciser coming through! Uh… correction Honey Boo Boo Chile… you be CRAZY… with all the letters capitaled!
At one point, dodging carts in the freezer aisles, she opened up one of the freezer doors, pulled her out a giant-sized package of Maddox Turkey Steaks, and proceeded to use those as resistance weights while she galloped herself down the aisles. I saw her 5 minutes later carrying the same turkey steaks. I hope you be buying those girl. Ain’t no one gonna want them after they’ve thawed out on your soul train awards.
I guess… kudos to her for not caring what people think of her? I don’t know. All I know is if I was trying to win the award for most craziest townsperson, I’d at least do it at a less trafficy time than 1:00 in the afternoon… say 4:30 in the morning or in the mall before the stores opened? Food for thought, galloping turkey steak! By the by… I did not get a video. I didn’t want to come off rude standing there in the aisle videoing her craziness… but trust me… FUNNIEST THING… EVER!!
I bit and ordered this “Unique Vegetarian Vegetable Steak” (actual way they worded it on the menu) this weekend. Boy… they weren’t kidding when they said “unique!” The mushrooms, peppers, and onions were good… it was the conglomeration of soy, vegetables, wheat, and egg melded into a steak-like patty that threw me for a loop! Next time I’m going back to the regular side dish orders. I had nightmares after I had a few bites of this!
These were my 2 dates to A Christmas Carol on Saturday. Great job, Four Season Theater company! We all enjoyed!