I have nothing in my brain at the moment, which makes talking about something difficult. I keep picturing the brain folds up in my noggin snoozing… I think they do that for 23 hours out of a day. The other hour they’re banging themselves against my skull wall. What is her problem!?
Crest toothpaste is inventing new flavors… a part of a Be Adventurous campaign. Mmmmmkay… never really had an adventure whilst brushing my teeth unless you count that time I slammed the toothbrush so hard into my gum, it bled for a week. I usually could care less about new toothpaste flavors since I’m picky about them, but then they went and added that one certain word I can’t resist to the package and I nearly punched an old lady in the banana aisle trying to get to a tube of it. Mint CHOCOLATE Trek is the name. Who in their right frigfrabbed mind brushes their teeth with a bar of chocolate… and gets away with it? THIS GIRL! I had all these delusions… I was certain it was going to taste like I was brushing with a package of Girl Scout Thin Mints, which would be cool because so far this season I’ve resisted buying any Girl Scout cookies, so I deserved to pay $4.50 to buy a tube of the toothpaste version.
Concensus? It tastes okay, thought definitely not what a toothpaste should taste like… but it was like brushing my teeth with a pile of mint-chocolate-flavored dirt particles. My mouth actually hurt when I was done and I had to wash out the particles with a shot of Act not-chocolate-flavored Mouthwash. I thought it was a fluke so tried it again. Nope… same thing. I’m thinking next time instead of spending 5 bucks, I go outside to the garden, dig me up some prime soil, and pick me a mint leaf. FREE! Congratulations… extreme couponer.
As a side note, I’d just like to tell the person at the Smith’s grocery store who opened up the container of sorbet I later unwittingly purchased, dug their finger into it, ate a chunk of it, and then reapplied the lid and put it back on the freezer shelf as if nothing was wrong, it was me who licked every one of your Jolly Ranchers and wrapped them back up. I also licked all of the cream out of the Oreos and stuck them back in the package. YOU’RE NASTY… and according to the nifty Shakespearean insult generator I found, youre also a: