Petrified Wood Shavings and Strait Jackets…

If you need me I’ve decided to take up whittling tiny animals out of Ivory soap whilst wearing a strait jacket and sipping denture-cream-flavored icees.  It’s a fascinating life soon to be portrayed on my new TLC reality show… Whittling Denture Jackets.  Why such a drastic life change?  I can’t bear the thought of making it through finals week.  My Spanish final set for this coming Thursday is 3 hours long… count them… THREE!  Within those three hours I will be writing prose in Spanish and then probably dialoguing with my imaginary boyfriend Juan about the weather in Spain.  Oh, the humanity!  I just have to re-learn 2 semesters worth of words and conjugations and grammar rules for constructing proper sentences in Spanish in the next 3 days.  No big deal.  Totally doable said the whittling freakazoid popping smarties like they’re the next MENSA medication.  Meanwhile, that show Freaky Friday would be really beneficial right now… as long as my traded body/brain is someone from Spain!

In other news, allow me to wax poetic about freeze-dried meats… aka petrified wood shavings.  Such an odd phenomenon.  We went to the restaurant, HuHot Mongolian Grill this weekend with some visiting family (what up, Jacque, et al.).  I’ve been to HuHot before… I am on the list of people who like HuHot.  It’s just weird.  For those of you not familiar.  Basically, you grab a bowl and walk through a line of freeze-dried food items (meats, vegetables, fruits, noodles, etc.) to make up your dish and then you take it to these guys working a large cirular-shaped skillet top where they stir fry it for you and then plop it on a plate for your digestive tract to make good use of.  This is the first time I’ve been there when not a vegetarian, so the meat threw me for a loop.  It was flat disks of freeze-dried meat, like cuzzin Clem laid out the venison meat he killed on the driveway and then backed over it several times in his Ford truck.  Then he scraped her up, stuck her in the freezer, and sold it to HuHot so that Whitney could have chicken stir fry.  FASCINATING!

Also, I could not be a worker on the gigantic skillet top… A.)  I would have burn marks all up and down both arms and my stomach… and 2.) I would have managed to trip someone else face first into the skillet whilst wielding my 2 metal spatulas.  Hi-ya!  Kudos to you, HuHot skilleters!  Kudos!  It should be an Olympic sport.

So, back to my Ivory whittling… I’m taking animal requests… scratch that… I can basically only do a blob of soap that if you squint real hard like can be whatever animal your imagination wants it to be.  Call up the people at Etsy… Whitney has a store to open!

If you need a Monday, smile-inducing pick-me-up… check out this video.  It’s from Williamsburg Retirement here in Logan.  My gramsy Berger lived there for a while when she lived in Logan and now our sweet family friend, LaVon graces it’s halls.  Apparently, only a few weeks old, this video has nearly 100,000 views and has been seen by people all over the world.  LaVon is in the video several times… she’s totally famous! (If the picture frozen on the video above is the one where they are eating a gigantic sink of ice cream, LaVon is the one in the middle wearing red!)

PSS – Prayers and thoughts to the people of Nepal who have suffered so much tragedy this past weekend.



Filed under Life, School

2 responses to “Petrified Wood Shavings and Strait Jackets…

  1. Alena

    Thanks for making my Monday morning, friend! Buena suerte con tu class de espanol:-) Good thing I’m not being graded on my Spanish… I don’t think I would pass muster. I love the Williamsburg video. All that ice cream and chocolate speaks to my heart. I’m not so sure how I feel about the freeze dried meat disks however 😉 I’ll be awaiting my whittled soap animal in the mail.

  2. Thank you sweet friend… send some of your smart brain waves my way! Take your glasses/contacts off when the soap animal arrives. It looks much cooler that way!

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